7 ways gamers are ruining it for everybody

You dun goofed.

Tarryn van der BylOctober 19, 2012

In theory, gaming should be mostly about playing games. It’s that simple. It should be, anyway, but in practice, it’s so much more than that. Sometime in between the 1947 introduction of the cathode ray tube amusement device and whatever major console exclusive was most recently the subject of Metacritic review bombing, gaming became a soapbox for the kind of rabid rhetoric that is better suited to a full-scale invasion of another planet. Which is probably a good idea for those people guilty of these things, so the rest of us can get back to just playing games.

Fanboyism

Providing masses of free, entirely uncritical marketing for major publishers and console manufacturers who don’t know you exist is more important than, you know, playing games and having fun. Because.

Elitism

The inevitable sequel to fanboyism, elitism is a completely irrational (and tediously pointless) conviction of transcendental superiority over everybody else on some arbitrary point, whether it’s about PC versus consoles, or Call of Duty versus Battlefield, or any other cosmically inconsequential X versus Y for no good reason whatsoever, except maybe that mom would only pay for one of them. It’s basically the gaming equivalent of fascism, but without the stylish uniforms and or any real sense of purpose.

Crysis 2 on console, as seen by a PC gamer.

Total ignorance

Game fandom rivals North Korea in terms of misinformation distribution. From game publishers writing enormous pay cheques for good reviews to shocking revelations about the top secret business strategies of multinational mega-corporations, gamers know everything. And by “everything”, I mean “pretty much nothing”, but it doesn’t matter because you read about it on Yahoo! Answers so it must be true.

Resistance to innovation

How dare developers change everything you loved about that game in the sequel?

Rant rant rant.

Resistance to lack of innovation

How dare developers not change everything you hated about that game in the sequel?

Rant rant rant.

OUTRAAAAAAGE

Your most favourite game ever that you haven’t played yet because it won’t be out for another two weeks got only 8/10 in a pre-launch review? HATE OUT OF TEN?! OBVIOUSLY, A RIVAL PUBLISHER PAID FOR THAT. Also, special mention to any study that suggests that, maybe, playing Manhunt for 36 hours straight might possibly have some adverse affect on a 10-year old’s psychological development is a bunch of stupid tabloid moral panic mongering, and the person responsible for the propagation of this scandalous lie should be raped and killed immediately.

Bad behaviour

Invested with the awesome powers of anonymity, the majority of people on the internet aren’t exactly known for their kind words and charitable deeds. Gamers take this to the next level, and go full sociopath. Nowhere else in reality, ever, has there been such a force of extravagant hatred and hostility towards other human beings, except maybe a Japanese POW camp in World War II or OK Cupid.