Armour expert calls female boob armour a “design flaw”

“It seems almost perfectly designed to guide sword points and arrows into her heart.”

December 19, 2011
Female Armor

It’s probably fair to say that women in fantasy RPGs are the industry’s most highly endangered species.

I mean, these are women who take on entire monster-infested dwarven mines wearing nothing but a bit of moulded plate metal over their chests and a chainmail g-string.

If it’s not disembowelling, it’s probably going to be some kind of really nasty infection from all that… chafing.

In a lengthy article over on Mad Art Lab, writer and armourer Ryan “Jabbawock” Somebodyorother has finally taken to task those responsible for this flagrant disregard for women’s personal safety .

“Plate armor is the way it is largely out of necessity,” he writes. “The layout and articulations of the plates are the best solutions the designers could come up with to balance mobility with protection. Also, note that nobody was naked under their armor. There was a ton of padding between the metal and the flesh that absorbed the energy of the blows. That means the difference between male and female plate armor is relatively trivial because once you’ve padded it out and left space for movement, you’ve all but erased the figure of the person inside.”

Not very practical, actually.

“That there, that is a boob plate. I made that one. The woman in the photo asked for it to be like that. She fights in it. I worry constantly that she’s going to fall hard and it will crack her sternum, even with the padding. Note also that it seems almost perfectly designed to guide sword points and arrows into her heart. They still have to penetrate the armor but, honestly, that’s a design flaw. However, it looks good and makes her feel sexy and badass at the same time. That’s important too.”

I’m sure the person who says her eulogy will remember to include that bit. “Yes, she was maybe a bit reckless with her vital organs, but she felt so sexy and badass.”

Tags: female armour

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