Seduce Me review
Is this erotic dating sim a firm contender – or a flaccid affair?
Seduce Me would have probably flown under most gamers’ radars had it not been for the game’s much-publicised booting from Steam’s Greenlight.
As far as erotic games go, such things are usually left to be found in the dark, seedier parts of the Internet (a.k.a. “the Internet”) away from the eyes and attention of any soccer moms.
Thanks to the mainstream buzz surrounding Seduce Me, though, the big question sitting in many people’s minds is whether or not this erotic dating simulation is really all that bad; and more importantly – is it any good?
Not ones to be left on the sidelines of any good roll in the hay, MyGaming sent the reporter most desensitized to the female form to investigate the world of interactive erotica.
Unfortunately, Jeremy was busy – so I got the job instead.
Seduce Me introduces its story-line with about as much complexity as any other erotic media.
You are Mister Nameless Semi-attractive Genericman, and you’ve been invited to the beachfront villa of “self-empowered” socialite, Pietra. Not that her name really matters.
Predictably, the villa is full of very attractive women, ripe for
banging subtle seduction. There are sexy maids and personal assistants wearing porn industry-standard apparel; some hot friends in more tight-fitting clothing; and a particularly disturbing mother/daughter duo with contrasting personalities.
Your mission? To penetrate the villa and inner-circles of this slutty sister-hood and win over their affections so that they can share with you stories of their various exploits – or even give you a first-hand demonstration of their faculties.
The villa is mapped out in a rather stunning cell-shaded panoramic perspective. You have a full 360 degree rotational view, and you move through the many rooms by clicking on their markers.
The lovely ladies aren’t part of the explorable world itself, but rather appear in artwork panels whenever you enter any given area.
There’s no sound to speak of – but there is a lovely porno funk track that plays, and that should be enough to keep you “in the zone”, so to speak.
Admittedly, the artwork is well done, and the girls are very attractive for digital entities – even when the
porn erotic visuals kick in.
Oh, did I forget to mention the porn erotic visuals? We’ll get to that right now.
The “adult” part of the game – which features artwork depicting a range of consenting adults engaging in a lot of different states of making the beast with two backs, firing the pink torpedo, playing hide the sausage, bumping uglies, and plain old banging – is also coupled with descriptive text which is often utterly hilarious.
But I guess I’m not the target audience for such things, so that may not be a fair representation.
In order to access these panels for the money-shot, you need build up your popularity, which in turn allows you to build up intimacy and attraction with each of the main girls.
This is done through a number of card games – each one with different rules depending on what action you’re trying to achieve.
- Small talk simply involves playing cards from the same suit or matching the same number as the one played by your opponent.
- Conversations are pretty much trumps – where the player who plays the highest card of the suit (or the highest trump card) in each round of play wins the round.
- Flirting games require you to match scores with your opponent, where each card played has to be higher than the last, and certain cards have different effects on your score (such as subtracting points, rounding up, etc).
- Intimacy games require you to play three-of-a-kind cards – either following suit, or of the same number (called runs and sets, respectively) to also match scores.
Each of the games has a condition for victory, and to what extent you can win. The trumps games require you to win a certain amount of rounds – while the intimacy/flirting games reward you more for scores closer to your opponents.
If your popularity drops too low and you’re about to get booted out – which will happen a lot – or if you bump into an unhappy lady somewhere in the house, you enter into a confrontation game which tasks you with matching every card your opponent puts out there.
If you lose that final stand-off – it’s game over, and you’ll have to start again.
Reaching a climax
The game has 4 central women who can be seduced and
exploited treated with dignity to varying degrees – and the more intimacy and attraction points (or even both) you have, the further you can go.
Presumably, if there’s a sequel it will involve the ultimate level: wedding bells and true love.
Each lady has her own personality and will react differently to your approach – you can take a *giggles* naughty approach, or a more timid one. This means there’s some replay value, as you can try your hand at winning over the hearts and minds of the girls in different ways.
If you were perhaps wondering if any males are featured in the game – I have some good news and some bad news.
For straight guys: the bad news is – yes, there are guys in the game, and you do see a fair amount of peepees. The good news is that you can’t “engage” with them beyond exerting your dominance as alpha male *beats chest*.
For gay guys: switch the good news and bad news bits around.
In terms of the fleshy bits on show – there’s plenty of both male and female genitalia to gawk at. You’ll also be happy to know that, because you’re only clicking one mouse button, the game is perfectly suited for one-hand play *wink wink*.
But now – to the point.
The money shot
I’m not here to debate the social impact of erotic games or if they have a place; nor am I even going to delve into the discussion surrounding the exploitation of women (aside from the sarcastic strike-throughs littered above).
This review boils down to one thing: is Seduce Me a good game?
Strangely enough, yeah – it kind of is.
If you can look past its smutty exterior and laughable “dialogue”, Seduce Me has a really fun game mechanic.
It’s not really all that surprising when you consider that all the card games you play are simply a digital version of the tried-and-true games you used to play with your gran on holiday.
The difference here is that this particular version is not a game you would feel comfortable playing with your gran. Or anyone, for that matter.
Developers, No Reply, are fully aware that Seduce Me is not a mainstream game, and that it caters to a very specific demographic, so let’s not pretend that this is anything but a niche adult game.
If you’re into card games – get the family around for a fun games night. If you want some special alone time – close the curtains, light some candles, and put on some sensual music and treat yourself.
If you want a very niche combination of the two – then maybe there’s something for you here.
The game is currently only available through the official website, digital distrubuted via the Amazon payment gateway for 13 Euros – Seduce me website.
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