the JOKE thread
- Thread starter wizdumb
- Start date
Terak
New member
A guy and his girlfriend were driving along when the girlfriend suggested a game.
The faster he drives the more clothes she would take off.
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He sveered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but he was stuck.
“Go to the road and get help,†he said. “I don’t have anything to cover myself with!†she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.
“You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,†he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver.
Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
“My boyfriend! My boyfriend!†she sobs, “He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!â€
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies: “Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!â€
The faster he drives the more clothes she would take off.
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He sveered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but he was stuck.
“Go to the road and get help,†he said. “I don’t have anything to cover myself with!†she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.
“You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,†he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver.
Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
“My boyfriend! My boyfriend!†she sobs, “He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!â€
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies: “Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!â€
morganzola
New member
i love this thread... rofl.... have material to send to collegues now... thanks for brightening my day... LOL
wizdumb
New member
BEE Board of Directors
Frikkie and Johan were close friends since childhood. They decided they wanted to go into business together, but had to find a black partner for BEE compliance.So Johan asks his gardener to join the business, and they all meet to form the new company.
Frikkie says, "OK! I'll invest R100,000."
Johan says, "I will go for R200,000".
Sipho says, "All right, I'll put in R1,000." for my 33 % of the shares.
Johan says, "If I'm putting in R200,000, I'll be the President and CEO of the corporation. You, Frik, for your R100,000, you can be Vice President and CFO, and Sipho, for your R1,000,
you will be our Sexual Adviser."
Puzzled, Sipho asks Johan, "What is a Sexual Adviser?"
Johan replies, "When we want your f#cking advice, we'll ask for it."
Frikkie and Johan were close friends since childhood. They decided they wanted to go into business together, but had to find a black partner for BEE compliance.So Johan asks his gardener to join the business, and they all meet to form the new company.
Frikkie says, "OK! I'll invest R100,000."
Johan says, "I will go for R200,000".
Sipho says, "All right, I'll put in R1,000." for my 33 % of the shares.
Johan says, "If I'm putting in R200,000, I'll be the President and CEO of the corporation. You, Frik, for your R100,000, you can be Vice President and CFO, and Sipho, for your R1,000,
you will be our Sexual Adviser."
Puzzled, Sipho asks Johan, "What is a Sexual Adviser?"
Johan replies, "When we want your f#cking advice, we'll ask for it."
morganzola
New member
How would you pronounce this child's name?
She spells her name "Le-a"
So how would YOU pronounce her name?
Leah? ....................NO.
Lee - A? ................. NOPE.
Lay - a? ............ NOT A CHANCE.
Lei?..........NICE TRY, BUT GUESS AGAIN!
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her child's name wrong.
She says it's pronounced "Ledasha."
When the Mother was asked how in the world she figured
it should be pronounced that way, she said,
"cause the dash don't be silent!"
She spells her name "Le-a"
So how would YOU pronounce her name?
Leah? ....................NO.
Lee - A? ................. NOPE.
Lay - a? ............ NOT A CHANCE.
Lei?..........NICE TRY, BUT GUESS AGAIN!
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her child's name wrong.
She says it's pronounced "Ledasha."
When the Mother was asked how in the world she figured
it should be pronounced that way, she said,
"cause the dash don't be silent!"
morganzola
New member
On a recent trip to the United States, President Jacob Zuma addressed a major gathering of Red Indians.
He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for improving South Africa's present standard of living.
At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
The proud Zuma then sang them his famous bring me my machine gun signature tune and departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Zuma.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit that it can no longer fly.
He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for improving South Africa's present standard of living.
At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
The proud Zuma then sang them his famous bring me my machine gun signature tune and departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Zuma.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit that it can no longer fly.
shadowfox
Anime Junkie
From HAYIBO: Malema to be protected
JOHANNESBURG. The ANC has confirmed that Youth League president Julius Malema needs police "blue light" protection as he is in danger of being killed literally, figuratively and in the ANCYL sense. According to a spokesman Malema was almost killed last week after being exposed to a multiple-choice question in a freak IQ test accident.
Overburdened taxpayers heard on the weekend that they would be paying R300,000 per month for VIP "blue light" police protection for Malema as his life was allegedly in danger.
According to ANCYL spokesman Tantrums Maponya, Malema had been rushed to hospital last week after "racist reactionaries" left an IQ test open on a table in his office.
"We can confirm that President Malema was exposed for 27 seconds to a multiple-choice question involving the relative speeds of two trains, one traveling east and the other west, that leave their stations at the same time," said Maponya.
Asked why it had taken Malema 27 seconds to stop reading the question, Maponya said that Malema was a "cautious reader" and had needed to sound out the words before fully comprehending their "despicable content".
But, he added, the attack by the potentially lethal IQ test had been just the latest in a string of attempts on Malema's life.
"Comrade Julius is constantly being targeted by assassins," he explained. "Two weeks ago while he was redeploying a bag of Jelly Tots into his mouth one of them escaped and got lodged in a plug socket.
"He attempted to retrieve the Tot by maneuvering his tongue into the socket, much as one does with a girl who has stayed for breakfast and taxi money, and was only saved by the foresight of the ANCYL which had failed to pay the electricity bill and had been disconnected."
He said Malema had also narrowly avoided assassination early last month when he had tried to see how much petrol was in his Mercedes by shining his Zippo into the petrol tank.
"Fortunately he had run the car dry during a high-speed journey from his home to the Aroma liquor store," said Maponya.
Asked if University of the Free State rector Jonathan Jansen would also be receiving a blue-light guard, given that he has been threatened with death by the Free State ANCYL, Maponya said that Jansen would probably only be killed literally and figuratively.
"He'll be fine as long as he doesn't leave his office," he said.
JOHANNESBURG. The ANC has confirmed that Youth League president Julius Malema needs police "blue light" protection as he is in danger of being killed literally, figuratively and in the ANCYL sense. According to a spokesman Malema was almost killed last week after being exposed to a multiple-choice question in a freak IQ test accident.
Overburdened taxpayers heard on the weekend that they would be paying R300,000 per month for VIP "blue light" police protection for Malema as his life was allegedly in danger.
According to ANCYL spokesman Tantrums Maponya, Malema had been rushed to hospital last week after "racist reactionaries" left an IQ test open on a table in his office.
"We can confirm that President Malema was exposed for 27 seconds to a multiple-choice question involving the relative speeds of two trains, one traveling east and the other west, that leave their stations at the same time," said Maponya.
Asked why it had taken Malema 27 seconds to stop reading the question, Maponya said that Malema was a "cautious reader" and had needed to sound out the words before fully comprehending their "despicable content".
But, he added, the attack by the potentially lethal IQ test had been just the latest in a string of attempts on Malema's life.
"Comrade Julius is constantly being targeted by assassins," he explained. "Two weeks ago while he was redeploying a bag of Jelly Tots into his mouth one of them escaped and got lodged in a plug socket.
"He attempted to retrieve the Tot by maneuvering his tongue into the socket, much as one does with a girl who has stayed for breakfast and taxi money, and was only saved by the foresight of the ANCYL which had failed to pay the electricity bill and had been disconnected."
He said Malema had also narrowly avoided assassination early last month when he had tried to see how much petrol was in his Mercedes by shining his Zippo into the petrol tank.
"Fortunately he had run the car dry during a high-speed journey from his home to the Aroma liquor store," said Maponya.
Asked if University of the Free State rector Jonathan Jansen would also be receiving a blue-light guard, given that he has been threatened with death by the Free State ANCYL, Maponya said that Jansen would probably only be killed literally and figuratively.
"He'll be fine as long as he doesn't leave his office," he said.
olla86
New member
Before marriage:
She : Hi
He : Oh, I've been waiting this ...
She : You want me to go ?
He : no, Not at all
She : do you love me ?
He : of course, big time
She : you picked the wrong woman ??
He : no, why do you say that ?
She : you wanna kiss me ?
He : every time I see you !!
She : you wanna slap me ??
He : are you crazy ? never
She : can I trust you ?
He : yes
She : My love
...
after marriage
Read the same text upwards ...
She : Hi
He : Oh, I've been waiting this ...
She : You want me to go ?
He : no, Not at all
She : do you love me ?
He : of course, big time
She : you picked the wrong woman ??
He : no, why do you say that ?
She : you wanna kiss me ?
He : every time I see you !!
She : you wanna slap me ??
He : are you crazy ? never
She : can I trust you ?
He : yes
She : My love
...
after marriage
Read the same text upwards ...
Magnarmalok
The Resident Young'un
Serously bursted out laughing xD
Jabberwocky
New member
Sockmonkey
New member
Cricket - a little known fact...
The first testicular guard (box) was used in cricket in 1874 and the first
helmet was used in 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realise that the brain is also important
The first testicular guard (box) was used in cricket in 1874 and the first
helmet was used in 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realise that the brain is also important
morganzola
New member
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young marketing executive, 'what starting salary were you looking for?'
The candidate said, 'Somewhere around R 100,000 a month, depending on the benefits package.'
The HR Person said, 'Well, what would you say to a package of 6-weeks holiday, full medical and dental, full pension, and a company car replaced every 2 years with all the tax paid. The Marketing Executive sat up straight and said, 'Wow!!! Are you kidding?'
The HR Person said, ….. “absolutely…, but you started itâ€.
The candidate said, 'Somewhere around R 100,000 a month, depending on the benefits package.'
The HR Person said, 'Well, what would you say to a package of 6-weeks holiday, full medical and dental, full pension, and a company car replaced every 2 years with all the tax paid. The Marketing Executive sat up straight and said, 'Wow!!! Are you kidding?'
The HR Person said, ….. “absolutely…, but you started itâ€.
morganzola
New member
arnold schwarzenegger was asked if he's upgraded to latest windows 7 yet....
he says... no
they say why?
he says, I still Have Vista baby!
he says... no
they say why?
he says, I still Have Vista baby!
Last edited: