@ Vampothic, nice :D
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@ Vampothic, nice :D
"Morning Sex"
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T'-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She replied, "The egg timer's broken."
So Buckingham Palace announced the baby's gender.
I really wish they'd do the same with Camilla.
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
Quite hilarious!Quote:
Originally Posted by McT
A Special Package for Businessmen.
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men. Buy your ticket; get your wife's ticket free.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how the trip was. All of them gave the same reply... "What trip?"
New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the Living room. She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number:
"Hello Darling."
The husband responds in a low tone:
"Let me call you back later Honey, the stupid woman is in the kitchen.
Cool message by a wife
Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement."
Throwing knives at wife's picture
Husband was throwing knives at his wife’s picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."
Habit of talking in sleep
A lady to doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?"
Dr: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake."
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN
Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate, hurricanes to swirl around & no one teaches a man how to choose a wife. NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
Your husband needs rest
Doctor: "Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills."
Wife: "Doc, when should I give them to him?"
Doctor: "They are for you!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by McT
thats the best one
Borrow money from pessimists. They don't expect it back.
Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school.
She had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks;" How did it go?"
"I died of shame!" She answers!
Why? Her Mother asked.
Annie said, Kate from down the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.
Her mother answers laughingly But that's no reason to be ashamed
No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!