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A man and his new bride check into a hotel, looking forward to their honeymoon. After they go upstairs the desk clerks looks up and sees the man walking downstairs with his tackle box and fishing pole. He walks out the door and is gone until nearly midnight.
Before dawn the next morning, once again the desk clerk sees the man walking out the door with his fishing pole and tackle box. He is gone all day and returns really late.
On the third day as the man walks down the stairs with his tackle box and fishing pole, the desk clerk stops him.
"Excuse me sir, but I understand you are on your honeymoon," He asks.
"Yes sir.." The man replies.
"Well, If my wife looked like that, I'd be upstairs in bed with her.." he says.
"I can't, she's got gonorrhea." the man replies casually.
"Okay, how 'bout a little oral action?"
"Nope, she's got herpes."The man says calmly.
Agitated, the desk clerk says "Well, you could take the back door.."
"Nope, she's got diarrhea."
Frustrated the desk clerk shouts "Well then what the hell did you marry her for?"
The man smiles "She's got worms too ... and they make good bait."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
FriedPet
Ag nee sies man!
Yeah, that'll hit top marks on yuck.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
FriedPet
Ag nee sies man!
I read that before going to bed early yesterday morning. Probably not just coincidence that I couldn't get to sleep for quite a while.
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Just gross! I'm a prentjie mens... And I'm picturing this shit right now...
/feeling sick
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A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'
Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.'
'What does that mean?' asked the child.
'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block?
I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.'
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'
The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
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If Romain Poite and Bryce Lawrence were drowning and you only had time to save one - what type of sandwich would you make... ?
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IRISH SAUSAGES
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them; they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!"
Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"
Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!"
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in."
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A family of three were driving through the woods when they had a terrible accident.
They were rushed to the hospital - all of them unconscious.
The woman wakes up looks around and cries to the nurse, "What happened? Where is my husband? Is my son OK?"
The son wakes up and says, "Where is father? Where is my mum? Are they hurt?"
Finally the man wakes up, feels his penis with his hands, and says, "Phew".
