the JOKE thread

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22-09-2009, 09:00 PM
Raven Gold

Afrikaans!

Baba beer stap by die trappe af en sit op sy Klein stoeltjie by die tafel.
Hy kyk na sy Klein papbordjie...

"Wie't my pappies geëet?", vra hy in 'n huilerige stemmetjie.

Pappabeer kom by die tafel aan en sit op sy groot stoel. Hy kyk na sy
groot papbord, en ook die is leeg.

"Wie de duiwel het my pap gevreet!" vra hy in 'n bulderende stem.

Mammabeer se kop verskyn in die luik tussen die kombuis en die eetkamer.
Haar gesig lyk soos 'n hoëveldse donderstorm.

"Genugtig, hoeveel keer moet ek met julle idiote deur hierdie proses gaan?

Dit was Mammabeer wat eerste opgestaan het.
Dit was Mammabeer wat almal in die huis wakker gemaak het.
Dit was Mammabeer wat die koffie gemaak het.
Dit was Mammabeer wat in die koue uitgegaan het om die koerant te gaan
haal. Dit was Mammabeer wat die tafel gedek het.
Dit was Mammabeer wat die kat laat uitgaan en sy sandboks skoongemaak het.
Dit was Mammabeer wat die kat en die pappegaai kos gegee en versorg het.
En dit was Mammabeer wat die sitkamer aan die Kant moes maak na julle
TV-kykery gisteraand"..

"En nou dat julle uiteindelik besluit het om julle flenter-beergatte
ondertoe te sleep en Mammabeer se kombuis met julle befoeterde
teenwoordigheid te kom vereer, moet julle nou mooi luister, en goed
luister, want ek gaan dit nie weer sê nie":

"Ek.- Het. -Nog.- Nie.- Die.- FOKKEN. -Pap. -Gemaak. -Nie!!!!!!!!!"

--------------------------------------

Ouma & Oupa klim in die bed.

Oupa gee 'n harde poep.

Ouma vra: 'Wat was dit?'

Oupa dink vinnig en sê : 'dis poeprugby...7 punte vir my!'

Paar minute later poep ouma en sê : 'n drie & 'n skop, 7 punte elk!'

Oupa gee so n sagte poepie en sê: 'strafskop vir my, 10 - 07'

Ouma laat loop ook met n ligte enetjie en sê: ' strafskop, 10 elk'

Direk daarna gee ouma nog een en sê : 'skepskop! ek loop 13 - 10voor..!!'

Oupa druk op sy hardste, verloor beheer en beskyt hom kant van die bed.

Ouma vra : 'en dit?'

Oupa sê: 'Dis halftyd, ons moet kante ruil'
22-09-2009, 09:19 PM
Gradius

lol!! good one raven :D
23-09-2009, 07:42 AM
Wenzdayz

Hahahahaahahahahahahaahha - baie goed RG!
23-09-2009, 02:08 PM
crazydude

Drunk Term = Sober Translation)

I LOVE This Song! = I KNOW This Song!

Dude, all the chicks at this party are ugly = Dude, none of the chicks at this party will talk to me.

Man, I'm hungry = Man, if I don't eat right now I am going to be puking all over this bar...again.

You're really pretty = I'm going to be ashamed of it tomorrow but tonight is all about instant gratification, honey.

Want to watch a movie? = Want to come over to my room for some extremely creepy back rubbing and some equally disturbing neck-nibbling?

I'm soooo drunk = I'm planting a seed in your head that will eventually grow into a beautiful tree which excuses me from blame for my actions tonight.

I just, like, want to help animals, ya know? = I just, like, want to get in your pants, ya know?

You're my best friend, man = You're my only friend in arm's reach right now and I need someone to pay for this shot, man.

I don't want to ruin the friendship = You're a nice girl but you're very heavy and I'd rather pretend I value our friendship than spend tomorrow dreaming up ways to kill myself.

This is the BEST night of my LIFE! = This is the BEST night of my WEEKEND!

Let's take a walk, this bar is crowded = I prefer my handjobs outdoors.

I'm totally fine, dude = I'm totally going to be needing a toilet or bucket in about five minutes, dude.

What's up, Bro? = What's up, guy-whose-name-I-can't-ever-remember?

Who wants to dance? = Who wants to watch me stumble around the party, waving my arms, spilling my drink and pile-driving my genitals into anything wearing a skirt?

Hey, did you get the notes from Bio? = Hey, I'm going to ask you about class because I'm too scared to ask you out.

I had, like, ten beers before I even came out = I'm, like, the kind of guy that lies about how much I drink.

Dude, I didn't even make it out of the dorms last night! = Dude, my girlfriend made me stay in and watch the Gilmore Girls season 1 DVD with her last night!

No dude, Im totally fine, no need to pull over! = here it comes, blaaargh!
23-09-2009, 02:19 PM
Raven Gold

reminds of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g0AJPqKybs
27-09-2009, 08:11 AM
Hot_Chocolate

Philemon had a bad attendance record with the company he worked for,
Particularly being late for work in the morning.
He was called to a disciplinary hearing where
He was given a chance to explain his reasons.

His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de
Mirror and try tuh
Straiten my hair. Den I sumtimes miss de texi and den I
Am late."
His boss has a bright idea. He gets one of Philemon's
Colleagues to sneak into
Philemon's room and steal the mirror off the wall, without
Philemon's knowledge.
The following day Philemon does not turn up for work. The same happens the day after that.
So Philemon gets summoned to another hearing to explain his
Reasons for not attending work.
His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de
Mirror. I see no Philemon.
I think Philemon already left for work"
27-09-2009, 11:43 AM
xXScarYXx

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hot_Chocolate

Philemon had a bad attendance record with the company he worked for,
Particularly being late for work in the morning.
He was called to a disciplinary hearing where
He was given a chance to explain his reasons.

His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de
Mirror and try tuh
Straiten my hair. Den I sumtimes miss de texi and den I
Am late."
His boss has a bright idea. He gets one of Philemon's
Colleagues to sneak into
Philemon's room and steal the mirror off the wall, without
Philemon's knowledge.
The following day Philemon does not turn up for work. The same happens the day after that.
So Philemon gets summoned to another hearing to explain his
Reasons for not attending work.
His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de
Mirror. I see no Philemon.
I think Philemon already left for work"

lol this is a good one!
27-09-2009, 11:45 AM
xXScarYXx

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth
wedding anniversary when the wife says 'Darling, as this is such a special
occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we married I was a hooker for 8 years."
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says,

'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you,

in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'
She said 'I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales. . ..
27-09-2009, 01:18 PM
Solitude

Quote:

Originally Posted by SouthSideKing

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth
wedding anniversary when the wife says 'Darling, as this is such a special
occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we married I was a hooker for 8 years."
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says,

'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you,

in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'
She said 'I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales. . ..

Haha I laughed out of my belly. Nice one SouthSideKing! :D
27-09-2009, 02:38 PM
xXScarYXx

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solitude

Haha I laughed out of my belly. Nice one SouthSideKing! :D

Hehe yea I did too! Thought I should put it up :-)

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