*ROFL* Good way to start my day :D
Reading that I mean. Not having the colonoscopy :p
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*ROFL* Good way to start my day :D
Reading that I mean. Not having the colonoscopy :p
Yeh it had me in stitches :D sorry it was soooo long though :pQuote:
Originally Posted by shadowfox
Best firewall Ever ...
1. One human cell contains 75MB genetic information.
2. One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB.
3. One ml of semen contains 100 million sperms.
4. In average, ejaculation lasts for 5 sec and contains 2.25 ml semen.
5. This means that the throughput of a man's member is equal to (37.5MB x
100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 byte/second = 1,6875
Terabyte/sec
This means that the female egg cell withstands this DDoS attack at 1.5
terabyte per second, and only lets through one(!) data package, thereby
being the best freaking hardware firewall in the world!
The downside of it is that only THIS small data package that it lets
through, hangs the system for the whole of 9 months!
I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious She was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!''
Loved it dude ! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by sycogrim
Thats a good one. Those Asian folks arent good at EnglishQuote:
Originally Posted by McGuywer
Dear Mr X,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you.........
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation.
However, I have a few parting thoughts:
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad reference. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the company.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror n.de. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of reference.
(Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the reference on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day!
That ia an awesome letter. LOL.
TECHNOLOGY - For country folk
LOG ON - Makin the stove hotter
LOG OFF - Coolin 'er down
MONITOR - Keepin an eye on 'er
DOWNLOAD - Gettin the farwood off'n the truck
MEGA HERTZ - When your not carefull gettin the farwood
FLOPPY DISC - Whutcha get from tryin ta tote too much farwood
RAM - That thar thang what splits farwood
HARD DRIVE - Gitten home in the winter time
WINDOWS - Whut ya shut when its cold outside
SCREEN - Whut ya shut in black fly season
BYTE - Whut the dang flys do
CHIP - Munchies for the TV
MICRO-CHIP - Whuts in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM - Whutcha did to dem hay fields
DOT MATRIX - Dots name after she got hitched to Dan Matrix
LAPTOP - Whar the kittie naps
KEYBOARD - Whar ya hang the truck keys
SOFTWARE - Them thar plastic knives and forks
MOUSE - Whut eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD - Thets jus hippie talk for whar a mouse lives
MAINFRAME - Whut hold up the barn roof
PORT - Fancy schmancy flatlander wine
ENTER - Duh! How ya git in the house
CLICK - What ya hear when ya cock yer gun
DOUBLE-CLICK Whut ya hear when ya REALLY mean business
REBOOT - Whut ya hafta do right before bedtime to git to the outhouse
ahaha ... thar a coapla good uns in thar :p