Since the whole Star Trek theme is busy plundering the forums, I thought it appropriate to post this:
http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/h...k/Bizarro6.gif
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Since the whole Star Trek theme is busy plundering the forums, I thought it appropriate to post this:
http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/h...k/Bizarro6.gif
Good morning :)
Epic failure, I thought this was the tk :p
Lol - nice :D *thumbs up*Quote:
Originally Posted by Grimspoon
old one
Three woman Die And go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day,
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
And along comes St. Peter,
Who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and,
Not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months
Without stepping on any ducks,
But
One day St.Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
Chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
But I stepped on a
Duck.
Heres a few jokes:
EA
Ubisoft
Activison
Heres another:
Watter van die volgende name lyk nie vir jou bekend nie?
1. Robert Mugabe
2. Julius Malema
3. Adv Barbie
4. Giuseppe Riccardi
5. Schabir Shaik
6. Tiger Woods
Seker bietjie gesukkel met no. 4, né?
Tipies!
Jy ken al die swartes, slette en skelms, maar jy weet nie wie is die pous nie!
This one might have been posted before - but I'm not going through 62 pages to check :p
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked; "Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"
Aghast, the man said, "Are you NUTS? That's robbery!"
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again; "Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?
Again, the man replies bluntly; "You must be crazy, now go away!"
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy; "Sir, please have one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite, then suddenly spits it out.
"HEY," he snarled, "This brownie tastes like crap!!!"
"It is," replied the salesman; "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
LOL can imagine south african hobo's doing that :D
Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!
------------ --------- --------oOo- -----------
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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It’s your f***ing plane!"
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ...
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney Land !”