the JOKE thread

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:

Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain
needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy
with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended
to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand
Hotel with my 18-year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting
for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this
letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year old pool boy.
Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into
54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ken-Block

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:

Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain
needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy
with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended
to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand
Hotel with my 18-year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting
for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this
letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year old pool boy.
Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into
54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.

---

isnt this a old one but still very good

Subject: Words to the wise

Be sure to read the lessons at the end.

Have You Ever Danced?

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio , Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."




There are a few lessons for us all here:

-Never be arrogant.

-Don't waste ammunition.

-Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

-Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.

Malema didn’t call the reporter a [email protected],
he thought the guy’s name was Ted …
So he was calling him ‘Baas Ted’ …

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wizdumb

Malema didn’t call the reporter a [email protected],
he thought the guy’s name was Ted …
So he was calling him ‘Baas Ted’ …

---

Called him a gentleman as well ... it wasn't agent he said - it was "A Gent" ..

Poor Malema is always being misunderstood :p

Not for kiddies!

Superman then starts flying through Super-hero City and he looks through a window and sees Wonderwoman lying on the bed naked. Superman says to himself "Hey, I am as fast as a speeding bullet, so I will fly in there and fuck her so fast she won't even notice". So he does it. BICKETY BAM!!! He is in and out in ten seconds. Suddenly, Wonderwoman rolls over and says "Invisible Man, did you hear something?". Invisible Man replies "No. But my ass hurts like hell!!"

Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to
work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good
worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the
company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have
to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being
late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd
though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces.
What did they say if you came in late there?"

''They said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?'''

Lol
1234567

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

Im not sure if anyone heard this one two pirates are sitting next to each other Pirate 1 is sitting with a ship steering wheel on his lap,pirate 2 asks:Is that a steering wheel on your lapmatey? Pirate 1:Yes its driving me nuts.