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Youtube, facebook and twitter are combining forces to make a mega social network.
Its called Youtwitface
And I thought my jokes were lame :)
Lol @ HANDsolo
Wat is verlore uit Playtation en Nintendo?
Die "S"
*Sorry, my Afrikaans is terrible, but not as bad as this joke.
Uhm ja Handsolo i totally get what you mean.....
Was that a hint a sarcasma?
That was indeed terrible ... cos I have no clue :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by HANDsolo
What is missing from Playtation and Nintendo?
Die "S" is missing in Playtation and DS is missing in Nintendo. Do I have to spell it out for everyone.
Tough crowd.
That brings an end to my Console jokes. It got a bit thin at the end, but you try making up jokes yourself. It's not easy.
lol
Don't quit your day job just yet :p
Hey, my "What does a Sony console and a radio have in common" joke killed at Ceasar's Palace last weekend.
Oh, I thought you added an "o" and an "s" to the end of Nintendo...:pQuote:
Originally Posted by HANDsolo
Drunk people don't count :DQuote:
Originally Posted by HANDsolo
The people reading this are all sober.
No wait ... I take that back. Some of the people reading this are sober :p
Lol, yip, where have you been all this time?!Quote:
Originally Posted by shadowfox
Excludes me!Quote:
Originally Posted by shadowfox
Please don't see this in the wrong light.
Quote:
Why so many South Africans move to Australia ?
Van der Merwe had never been out of South Africa before and was visiting Bondi Beach , Australia . He spotted a long line of black dots out in the water and said to an Aussie, who was sitting close by, "What are all those little black things out there?"
"They're buoys," said the Aussie.
"Boys?!" replied Van der Merwe. "What are they doing out there?"
"Holding up the shark net," the Aussie told him.
"F*cken great country this!" said Van der Merwe , deeply impressed.
"We'd never get away with something like that back home!"
Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed
in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his
mouth and nose,
still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure
A young student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath.
Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my
testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies
'I don't know,Sir.
I'm only here to wash
your upper body.'
He struggles to ask again,
'Nurse, are my
testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,
she overcomes her
embarrassment and sheepishly
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his
penis in one hand and his
testicles in the other,
lifting and moving them
around and around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong
with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask,
smiles at her and
says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was
wonderful, but listen
very, very closely.....
' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat.." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were more attractive it would lift itself."
Hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahahah, classic Necuno real classic
Q : Why did the blonde leave crumbs on the toilet?
A : To feed the toilet duck :p
Jannie en Juffrou
Jannie is in Gr.1 en sy Engels juffrou het probleme met hom.
Jannie meen hyss te slim vir Gr.1 en wil na Gr.3 oorgeplaas word.
Sy suster is in Gr.3 en Jannie reken hy is baie slimmer as sy.
Die juffrou het genoeg gehad en vat hom na die skoolhoof.
Die hoof se hy gaan Jannie toets.As hy druip,bly hy in Gr.1.
Hoof:Wat is 3x3?
Jannie :9
Hoof:Wat is 6x6?
Jannie :36
So gaan dit aan totdat die juffrou die hoof vra of sy nie maar vir Jannie `n paar vrae in Engels kan vra nie?
Juffrou:What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Jannie :Legs
Juffrou:What do you have in you pants that I don't have?
Jannie :Pockets
Juffrou:What starts with a c and ends with a t, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains a thin,whitish liquid?
Die hoof vee die sweet van sy voorkop af
Jannie :Coconut
Juffrou:What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?
Jannie :Bubblegum
Juffrou:What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
Jannie :Shake hands
Juffrou:Now I'll ask some Who am I sort of questions, okay?
Jannie :Yup
Juffrou:You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you.
Jannie : tent
Juffrou: A finger goes into me.You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first?
Die hoof lyk baie gespanne.
Jannie :wedding ring
Juffrou: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well I drip. When you blow me you feel good.
Jannie :Nose
Juffrou:I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Jannie :Arrow
Juffrou: What starts with a F ends with a K that means a lot of excitement?
Jannie :firetruck
Die hoof spring op en se: Sit die klein bliksem in Gr.5 Ek het die laaste 10 antwoorde verkeerd gehad!!!!!!!
A woman in her thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed
and
squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how
ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what
you
think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not
only
am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.'
The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 42-year old arse?'
'Your name never came up,' she replied
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind.
'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'
'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.'
'How about transportation? ' the father asked.
'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're
married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'
'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied. 'We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!'
Haha :D Nice one Hot Chocolate!
a variation of an old joke
In a mental institution in Maritzburg, a nurse walks into a room and
sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.. The nurse asks him, "Raju,
what are you doing?" Raju replied, "Driving toDurban and all!"
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room..
The next day the nurse enters Raju's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car
and asks, "Well Raju, how are you doing?"
Raju says, "I've just arrived in Durban so thought I'd pulled in to
the Orientals and hit a bunny chow and come"
"Great," replied the nurse.
The nurse leaves Raju's room and goes across the hall into Balwanth's room and finds Balwanth sitting on his bed
furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Balwanth, what are you doing?!"
Balwanth says, "I'm screwing Raju's wife while he's in Durban. “
A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips. After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word. "I've got a few suggestions," he says. "Try folding your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. "Very good," says his senior. "Now try saying things like 'I see', 'I understand' and 'Yes, go on.'" The younger priest practises these sayings, too. "Well done," says the older priest. "Don't you think that's better than slapping your knee and saying: "No way! What happened next?"
Here's a lame joke I made up while watching CSI Miami...
What did the crippled 3:1 use?
Her Ratio Cane
lol at Solitudes joke
Chinese proverb:
Give a man a fish and he will be fed for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will be fed for the rest of his life.
Irish proverb:
Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher says.
Sipho gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: " Sipho, what do you want me to pray about for you."
Sipho replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Sipho's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Sipho's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Sipho.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Sipho, how is your hearing now?"
Sipho says, "I don't know, Reverend, it is only next Wednesday ..!"
I thought I had a pube once, then I peed out of it.
True story.
Are we running out of jokes that we have to resort to this? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Shamrock
lol it would seem so, ill tell Wizdumb to get his cute ass in gear and post some decent jokes....
Yeh u better considering hes ur BF dammit!!!!! :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Wenzdayz
Yeah well hes been just as busy with his new job......
And that would be what? Satisfying you?Quote:
Originally Posted by Wenzdayz
Hardy Har Har!!!:mad: *comment withheld to protect the innocentQuote:
Originally Posted by HANDsolo
Since it's been a slow week for jokes here's two I made up just now that my contain a tinge of bad taste.
If Caster has the operation to remove her undescended testes would we then call her Castrate Simenya?
When it was announced that Caster had male and female reproductive organs, why didn't The Voice go with the headline "Athletics Body Tells Caster She Can Go F*ck Herself".
Whats April fools for an orphanage?
Parents evening...
A couple of oldies....
Nun in a taxi
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't
want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When
you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I
have, you get a chance to see and hear just about
everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss
me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about
that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be
Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm
single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver
starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must
confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm
going to a Halloween party."
bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha..... did u steal that from Wizdumb??? :p