Dealing with Cancer

[Mephisto_Helix]

First off, I'm not making this thread so I can feel sorry for myself ..... please don't see it as such.

I just heard this evening that the mass in my Mom's throat is cancerous and I've now calmed enough to want to know about your experiences. You know, just to get feedback I suppose because to be honest, I don't know how to handle something like this. It's different to dealing with a sudden death, that's for sure.

Anyway, if anyone has had family members or themselves diagnosed with cancer and the like and feels like sharing how they dealt with it and whatnot, I'm all ears. Hopefully it can serve a purpose of some kind

[Ichigo]

My condolences must have been quite a shock to yours and her system when you got given that news.

Only one I know in my family is my aunt in Pretoria who had breast cancer many years back and not long ago had lung cancer which spread around her whole body.

Seems like it is still there even after all her treatment and with her hair falling out and her mom and husband aren't taking it too well.

[Ike_009]

I don't know how I coped, my aunt was diagnosed in June and I was busy with exams so I was lucky enough to be to busy to think about it, but I failed most of tests.

Best advice I can give is to find something to loose yourself in, a hobby or project but don't sit back and depress yourself.

[HavocXphere]

I'm sorry to hear that.

I have not had a personal experience like that.

Cancer as such wouldn't rattle me in itself tbh. 1 in 3 people get it - such is modern life. However, specific types would rattle me pretty solidly.

>>I don't know how to handle something like this.

Two fold. Firstly you need to work out a way to get your own head straight. i.e. Cope with the issue. So that secondly you have the ability to be strong and offer her support. And it has to be in that order...you just can't convincingly be strong for someone else if you're a wreck yourself. Support being both emotionally but also practically - if they put her on chemo then she'll have a reduced ability to do work around the house.

All of that will take time though. If you just heard today, then maybe "be strong" isn't quite the right message for you now - but it will be soon enough. Don't rush it.

Also keep in mind that we've advanced quite a bit in this field. That 1 in 3 stat...the doctors have had quite a bit of practice in dealing with this.

[Cara]

Ai MH so sorry to hear babe.

As you know I work at oncology. I deal with cancer everyday of my life. You have to be strong for your mother. Depending on the treatment she'll get, she's really gonna need it. I know its gonna be very hard for you to deal with as well but you have to think of her well being first.

To give some advice on how your mom can deal, or how you can help her deal with it. Both radiation and chemo is very difficult for the body and emotions to deal with. If she gets chemo: She will either get it everyday, or once every week or even once every 2/4 weeks. It all depends on the stage of the mass. As you've probably heard, the chemotherapy really makes you sick. And the body can only handle so much. If she gets radiation, it will be treatment, everyday, for anything from 1 to 8 weeks. The treatment will take about 15mins every session. Yes radiotherapy does burn the patient, but can also be very effective in shrinking the mass.

Because I work with cancer patients everyday of my life, I've come to notice what they appreciate and don't appreciate. They do not want your pity. At all. Treat your mom as normal as you possibly can. She's gonna need it. This sounds rather harsh, but make jokes about it. (I know it's not a laughing matter, but believe me, it helps) Do not mention death or even the possibility of being bedridden. This is not an option. And will not happen as long as you just stay positive and motivate her. Also, let her breath. I know this will be difficult because you want to make sure she is alright all the time. But she needs her space so she can work through this.

Even though it's difficult for you as her son, it's even more so for her. MH, really, you might laugh at me now, but pray. It really does help. Expose her to the positive things in life. Follow all diet requirements strict. Be by her side, but don't overcloud her. Make her happy and she will win this battle.

This is just from my personal experience everyday. I am not a doctor or professor or whatever, so don't feel you have to live by anything I said. It's just my advice to you... All will be fine, you'll see!

[Mephisto_Helix]

Thank you for the feedback so far, I appreciate it a lot.

Afaik, the specialist said something about radiotherapy because he's quite sure that that may be enough although the chance of it coming back at a later stage is higher than with chemo, so it's a double edged sword. She's already kakked on me for being down about it, lol. She wants me to continue to make her laugh, not be depro so I get what you're saying Cara. I've already told her that if the treatment makes her hair fall out, I will shave mah locks and that can be her wig, hehe.

[Cara]

Thank you for the feedback so far, I appreciate it a lot.

Afaik, the specialist said something about radiotherapy because he's quite sure that that may be enough although the chance of it coming back at a later stage is higher than with chemo, so it's a double edged sword. She's already kakked on me for being down about it, lol. She wants me to continue to make her laugh, not be depro so I get what you're saying Cara. I've already told her that if the treatment makes her hair fall out, I will shave mah locks and that can be her wig, hehe.

LoLiez ag shame. Tbh, if i find a lump in my breast or even just get skin cancer, i do not want any treatment at all. But thats my opinion. As for my family I will make sure they get every available treatment. But if I really have to choose, it will probably be radiation. Unfortunately cancer is unpredictable. It's all 50/50. Either the radiation will help or the chemo.

But strongs MH. Make yo mama laugh like yo make me laugh!!!

[HavocXphere]

Thank you for the feedback so far, I appreciate it a lot.

Afaik, the specialist said something about radiotherapy because he's quite sure that that may be enough although the chance of it coming back at a later stage is higher than with chemo, so it's a double edged sword. She's already kakked on me for being down about it, lol. She wants me to continue to make her laugh, not be depro so I get what you're saying Cara. I've already told her that if the treatment makes her hair fall out, I will shave mah locks and that can be her wig, hehe.

Well that all sounds promising - certainly sounds like the less scary variety.

To be clear - I have zero medical training, but two things...

I'm thinking you skipped the part where they surgically remove the mass.

I'd follow up on the chemo if you get a chance. As I understand it radiotherapy and chemo are synergistic & its best to hit it hard immediately to prevent it from metastasizing. The specialist will no doubt know best, but lets just say I was surprised when I read it. So maybe just understand his thought process in that conclusion.

Oh and +billion on mentioning the hair thing to her. Its a daily & tangible reminder that the family will back her no matter what. I'd also suggest pushing all males in her immediate vicinity *hard* on this front to go bald.

NB males only. With a guy you can tell him to man the fck up and support her by shaving his head. With women its a bit more tricky...they're psychologically attached to their long beautiful hair as part of body image, so they need to come up with the shaving scheme on their own...it can't be (safely) pushed.

As for wig - I can't really comment & I'd imagine its a personal choice. However my gut instinct tells me that going bald and approaching it with an attitude like this would yield a better outcome. Or as some people say "own it". NB thats a raw shot in the dark & gut feeling.

Anyway...meph...I'm not all that good at the whole shoulder to cry on thing, but if you ever need someone to speak to I'll help to whatever extent I'm capable of.

i do not want any treatment at all. But thats my opinion.

If it ever comes to that I'll spend a serious amount of time trying to talk you out of that plan. Everyone deserves to make their own calls, but simultaneously I feel morally obligated to at least attempt to speak to someone when I feel they are making a serious life threatening mistake. Lets hope for the both of us that we'll never have that discussion.

[oltman]

i am extremely blessed / lucky to not know anyone close to me who has had cancer. but i know a lot of people not only had cancer, but beat it 100%. as the saying goes, cancer CAN be beaten!

i am sorry for what you are going through and what you will be going through. i dont know you, but if what i can tell from your dealings here then you are strong enough to make it through this, and help your mom through this too. but you never have to go about it alone! there are people here who love helping (Cara!) and some just listening.

and if you ever just want to get away, take a drive to Ballito and come relax on the beach with us! may seem a bit shallow, but i mean it sincerely! fresh air for the win! PM me to take me up, its a genuine offer of a get-away!

[Mephisto_Helix]

Good thing I'm reading all this kindness and support while under the influence a touch because I think I would seriously have a case of the sniffles if I was sober. They would be man sniffles but sniffles nonetheless.
It means a lot and I am happy that our gaming forum has the people it does .... I mean I've known it for ages already but it's nice that we can show some other forums how cool we are


P.S - Cara - I have to agree with Hav, I would also talk you out of that in a heartbeat. If it ever came to it and hopefully it doesn't, ever, I would offer my services as a lump feeler, completely free of charge!