the JOKE thread

[shadowfox]

ANC in a NUTSHELL

A woman in a hot air balloon realised she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man below.

"Excuse me," she called, "can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS. "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 10m above a ground elevation of 782m above sea level," he said. "You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said: "You must be a DA supporter!"

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist," everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help."

The man smiled and responded: "You must be an ANC government official."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.

[wizdumb]

another ginger joke...


Whats the difference between a redhead and a brick?

At least a brick gets laid.

[PR1Y35H]

A fat and ugly little man from Bangladesh named Futh decides that since he cannot get a decent job in his own country, he would immigrate to the United States and try his luck there.

Three months later in New York he runs into a someone that he knows (not a friend, because he is much too hideous to have any of them), and they start discussing jobs.

"Are you working now?" asked the acquaintance, who was only talking to him out of pity anyway.

"No'" replies Futh. "I just quit my job at Coney Island. A man had me put my head through a canvas, and the customers would throw baseballs at my head. I couldn't sit down for a week!"

"You silly moron, what does getting hit in the head have to do with sitting down?"

"Oh, I forgot to mention. The back of the canvas was rented out as a dart game."

[Treble]

Charlie Sheen
Winning

Osama Bin Laden
Swimming

[kelevra]

'n Vrou loop rond in 'n duur matwinkel. Net toe sy buk om aan 'n mooi mat te voel poep sy kliphard. Volgende oomblik staan die assistent langs haar.
Ongemaklik vra sy "Hoeveel kos die mat?"
Die assistent antwoord "Mevrou, as jy gepoep het toe jy aan die mat gevat het, gaan jy definitief in jou broek kak as jy sy prys hoor."

[Crzwaco]

another ginger joke...


Whats the difference between a redhead and a brick?

At least a brick gets laid.

[anon815]

O_O AAAamen!

[wizdumb]

oooh my...red heads FTW!

so continuing on this trend.

why does the sun burn gingers?

so that we don't have too!

[shadowfox]

oooh my...red heads FTW!

I can only agree. And they make awesome geeks too

[Raven Gold]

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks. Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.
"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.
The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"

-----------------

Timmy and his dad were at the park one day, and they saw two dogs humping away, and Timmy turned to his dad and asked, "Daddy? What are those doggies doing?
"Well son," the dad said, "They're making puppies."
So later on, at home...Dad and Mother were going hard-at-it, and Timmy walks in with childish candor, and he asks, "Daddy what are you doing?"
"I'm *nnfff* Making you a baby brother or sister, Timmy..."
"Well Turn mummy over, " Timmy replies, "I want a puppy."

-------------------------------

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" (Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face."