the JOKE thread

[CrAzY-LeGs69]

another ginger joke...


Whats the difference between a redhead and a brick?

At least a brick gets laid.

A must see ginger video.

[wizdumb]

A must see ginger video.

hahaha...ginger's have soul, ginger's have soul....did you see he was singing alone, as gingers don't have friends

[Terak]

What do a walrus and a tupperware both have in common?







The both love a tight seal

[Psyndrome]

Not sure if this was posted before:

**Who is guilty here?**
A wife is dreaming in bed, she suddenly wakes up and shouts:

"Quick! My husband is home!"

Her husband wakes up and jumps out the window...

[phoenix]

In light of the dispatching of Osama Bin Laden
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE: BY JOHN CLEESE

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

[wizdumb]

Question: What do you call a ginger whose phone rings on a Saturday night?
Answer: Shocked.

[PR1Y35H]

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.

"That's the one!"

That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"

"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."

[McT]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

[Martin van Tonder]

So Steve decides to hold a Animal Theme Party for his birthday.
Everything is set, everything looks nice and one of the first guests arrive.
The guys is covered is spots all over. Steve looks at him ... stares for a second ... "I'll bet your a Leopard". "Right on!" says the guest and goes in to enjoy the party.
Another guest arrives, full of stripes and bite marks on his arse ... Steve looks at this guy and says "I think your a Zebra." ... The guest has this smile on his face and replies that he is correct and the guest goes in to enjoy the party.
The doorbell rings, Steve opens the door ... There is this guys. Stark naked with a girl on back. Steve staggers back stunned and asks "Now, what are you suppose to be?" ... He replies, "I'm a Snail." ... Steve replies in return "... and the girl on your back?"
The guy replies, "O ... That's Michelle!"

[WarlordZim]

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug.

What do you call a man without a spade on his head ?
Dougless.