the JOKE thread

[Crzwaco]

This is a bit of a lame one (blonde joke) but some of y'all might chuckle

3 Women (1 brunette and 2 blondes) are holding on for dear life above a shark-infested ocean (HOLDING on to nothing but a rope from a floating balloon). It dips lower as it can't take their combined weight which means 1 of them must sacrifice themselves to lighten the load, so they squabble about who should risk their life. After some pointless arguing the brunette announces that she will take the plunge, the blondes then applaud her for her brave decision...

Get it? Lame? Maybe

Hahaha @ 3am in the morning This is Moer funny.


586:
The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art:
Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete:
Any computer you own.

Microsecond:
The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3:
Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."

Syntax Error:
Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

Hard Drive:
The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI (pronounced "gooey"):
What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.

Keyboard:
The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse:
An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy:
The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer:
A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash:
A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

System Update:
A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

[Crzwaco]

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

[shadowfox]

Boere Computer Dictionary from South Africa

Monitor
Keeping an eye on the braai

Download
Get the firewood off the bakkie

Hard drive
Trip back home without any cold beer

Keyboard
Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys

Window
What you shut when it's cold

Screen
What you shut in the mosquito season

Byte
What mosquitoes do

Bit
What mosquitoes did

Mega Byte
What mosquitoes at the lake do

Chip
A bar snack

Micro Chip
What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips

Modem
What you did to the lawns

Dot Matrix
Oom Jan Matrix's wife

Laptop
Where the cat sleeps

Software
Plastic knives and forks you get at KFC

Hardware
Real stainless steel knives and forks from Checkers

Mouse
What eats the grain in the shed

Mouse Pad
Where the mouse takes the grain it does not eat

Mainframe
What holds the shed up

Web
What spiders make

Web Site
The shed (or under the verandah)

Cursor
The old bloke what swears a lot

Search Engine
What you do when the bakkie won't go

Yahoo!
What you say when the bakkie does go

Upgrade
A steep hill

Server
The person at the pub that brings out the lunch

Mail Server
The bloke at the pub that brings out the lunch

User
The neighbour that keeps borrowing things

Network
When you have to repair your fishing net

Internet
Complicated fish net repair method

Netscape
When fish maneuvers out of reach of net

Online
When you get the laundry hung out

Off Line
When the pegs don't hold the washing up

[Iam3G]

Syntax Error:
Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

This one. Is a good one. Lol.

[shadowfox]

An interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"

The young man thought for a while and said, "My choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or Night?"

The lad was jolted into reality as his admission to the university depended on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY, sir!"

"How do you come to that conclusion?" the interviewer asked.

"Sorry sir, but you promised me only ONE difficult question!"

He got admitted.

[Saint_Dee]

Hahaha @ 3am in the morning This is Moer funny.


586:
The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art:
Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete:
Any computer you own.

Microsecond:
The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3:
Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."

Syntax Error:
Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

Epic!!!!!

[Saint_Dee]

An interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"

The young man thought for a while and said, "My choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or Night?"

The lad was jolted into reality as his admission to the university depended on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY, sir!"

"How do you come to that conclusion?" the interviewer asked.

"Sorry sir, but you promised me only ONE difficult question!"

He got admitted.

Deep... Very Deep

[shadowfox]

[Deadly]

ME: A two-page web design will cost X. Four-page would be X, Six -
CLIENT: How much if it was double-sided?
ME: The website?
CLIENT: Yes.

http://clientsfromhell.net/

Sorry If this is the wrong thread ...

[Saint_Dee]

Sorry If this is the wrong thread ...

Oh no... My outrages laughter says you're in the correct thread