the JOKE thread

[Spoon]

Long Long time ago i mean long long time ago there were three little pigs and now there are thousands of pigs.


kind regards,
Spoon

[ViperGTI]

My girlfriend recently found out she was adopted.

She was devastated... kept crying and asking why they did not want her.

I cuddled her a bit. She then asked me to make love to her... I did so and
the tear's began to flow even more.

I suppose shagging her and shouting who's your daddy might have been a bit
insensitive...

[Applause]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

I heard a dif 1 he shot his wife by mistake and calls saying: it's my wife she's fokkin dead... He's Scottish...

[Applause]

And dude if that is true then that's really not cool

[Saint_Dee]

My girlfriend recently found out she was adopted.

She was devastated... kept crying and asking why they did not want her.

I cuddled her a bit. She then asked me to make love to her... I did so and
the tear's began to flow even more.

I suppose shagging her and shouting who's your daddy might have been a bit
insensitive...

I'm not sure if I wan't to laugh or cry... Both will do

[Saint_Dee]

Seriously though I'm kind of inclined to sadness rather than laughter

[ViperGTI]

I'm not sure if I wan't to laugh or cry... Both will do

I read a joke a while back, something like "questions to ponder about"... it had stuff like "why is abbreviated such a long word" for example. One of them was something like "If your girlfriend's an orphan, is it still ok to call out Who's your daddy during sex"... I think someone took that as basis and wrote this.

[Saint_Dee]

I read a joke a while back, something like "questions to ponder about"... it had stuff like "why is abbreviated such a long word" for example. One of them was something like "If your girlfriend's an orphan, is it still ok to call out Who's your daddy during sex"... I think someone took that as basis and wrote this.

That's deep

[ViperGTI]

Bad News - Chuck Norris got sick last week and died.

Good News - He's feeling much better now and went back to work today ...

[ViperGTI]

For those of you with a VERY dry sense of humour:



A German guy approaches a lady of the night and says "I vish to buy sex viz
you"

"Okay" says the girl, "I charge £60 an hour"

"....is goot, but I must varn you I am a little kinky"

"No problem" she says cautiously "I can do kinky"

Off they go to the girls flat where the German produces four large
bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees"

The girl finds this most odd but complies fastening the springs to her
hands and knees.

"Now you vill get on your hans and knees"

She duly does this balancing precariously on the springs.

"You vill please blow this quacker as I make love to you"

She finds it odd , but figures the it's harmless and the guy is paying.

She finds the sex is fantastic and she is bounced all over the room by the
energetic German. The climax is is most fantastic she has had and it's
several minutes before she aks

"That was totally amazing, what position do you call that?"

Ah says the German.....

"Zat is ze....

Four-sprung duck technique