'Yo Momma is so greedy....she ate your dad's Adams apple.
'Yo Momma is so greedy....she ate your dad's Adams apple.
XBOX LIVE: LEEZOZO PSN: LEE4ZEENA TWITTER: LEEZOZO
A rabbit was hopping through the forest and came upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit said, "Giraffe, don't do drugs. Come, run with me through the forest." The giraffe looked at him, then at the joint, dropped the joint and started running with the rabbit.
They came upon an elephant snorting cocaine. The rabbit said, "Elephant, don't do drugs. Come, run with us through the forest." The elephant looked at the coke, tossed it away and began running with the rabbit and giraffe.
They then came across a lion about to shoot up. The rabbit said "Lion, don't do drugs. Come, run with us." The Lion put down the needle and started to beat the crap out of the rabbit. Horrified, the giraffe and elephant asked, "Lion, why are you doing this? He was only trying to help you." The lion answered, "This little f!#$er? He makes me run around the forest like a f@$#ing idiot every time he's on ecstasy!
A man donates blood to his wife after she is badly injured in a car crash. A few years later they go through a bitter divorce and he demands his blood back, so she throws a tampon at him and says, "There you go you c*nt, I'll pay you in monthly instalments". Moral of the story- A woman will eventually pay up what she owes, but there is always a string attached!
This one is in Afr unfortunatly but its good.
Ek het die afgelope vakansie 'n interresante episode beleef:
Nadat ons terug was by die huis, het my tuinhulp van baie jare ook toe
so twee weke se verlof gekry.
Dit het natuurlik beteken dat ekself weer agter die grassnyer moes inskuif.
Die Saterdag-oggend was ek in my oudste PT-broek en T-shirt besig om die gras op die sypaadjie voor ons huis te sny,
en ek was haastig en wou die job ordentlik en gou afgehandel kry. Ek was nie lus om vir 'n nuwe voornemende tuinhulp
te verduidelik hoe die gras gesny moes word nie.
Maar soos dit maar altyd gaan: As jy niemand nodig het nie, dan daag al die hulp in die wereld op. Elkeen wil weet of hy
nie 'n piece-job vir die dag kan kry nie. Toe die vierde een opdaag en hande in die sakke staan en vra of hy 'n piece-job
kan kry, toe verloop die gesprek omtrent soos volg:
Hy: "Ek ken hom die sny van die gras, ek soek die job"
Ek: "Sorry man, ek bly nie hier nie, ek werk net vir die mense wat hier binne bly."
Hy: "Hau, die mense hulle employ 'n whitey by die tuin"
Ek: "Ja, en hulle gee nie eers kos by lunchtime nie."
Einde van die storie was, dat hy sy pakkie Kent sigarette uithaal, en my een aanbied.
Ek vat toe een, en hy steek hom vir my aan. Ek vat so drie trekke, nip die outjie, en
sit die stompie agter my oor.
So met die wegstap was sy laaste woorde: "Die ANC het alles kom op f...k.” !!!!!!!
I swear people at the office are probably giving me looks as I laugh like a lunatic!!Originally Posted by PunkOnWheels
To all gamers out there
One of the worst things a wife or girlfriend could ever say to you is,(Don't make me use Alt F4)
To all wives and girlfriends the worst thing a gamer could say to you is,(Woman Don't make me use caps lock)
truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man
standing in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a
Standstill, rolls down the window, and asks the little man what's wrong.
"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little Man.
"Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a cheese sandwich, but that's as
much as I can do."So he passes a sandwich to the little man and drives off.
A bit later he has to stop again, because there's a little red man in The
middle of the road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down the Window and
a bit more impatiently - asks the little man what the matter Is.
"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man bawls.
So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as
can do." He hands a tin of Coke down to the little man and drives off.
A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of
the road. Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and
snaps,"Yes, you little blue moffie, what planet are you from and what the
f...k do you want?"
And the little man answers, "Your driver's licence, please
The International Council of Man Laws.
The International Council of Man Laws.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Man Laws
Legend... Give that man a Bell's
Last edited by Saint_Dee; 26-01-2012 at 09:55 AM.
