the JOKE thread

[sycogrim]

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating
for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one
little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister. My
prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got
more than a nice view.. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did
it when she was near anyone else.

One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I
got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, ”I’m
going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling,
just come up and get me.” I was stunned and frozen in shock as I
watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and
headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me
and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We
couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the
family.”

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

bwahahahahahahahahaha...... that is just brilliant

[Solitude]

Haha that's probably the best joke I've read this year.

[Oculate]

heheh brilliant joke

[Venomrush]

old but good

[wizdumb]

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I
can get a haircut?

"The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2
hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop
and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and
said, "About an hour and half." The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favour.
Follow
that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait
for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said........

"Your house."

[Oculate]

Bwuahahah ty for the lol Wizdumb

[Venomrush]

While stitching up the hand of an 80-year-old farmer, who got cut while fencing on his property, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Jacob Zuma and his appointment as President of theANC.

"Well, you know," drawled thefarmer, "this Zuma fella is what they call a fencepost turtle". Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost turtle was.

The old farmer said, "When you're driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's called a ‘fencepost turtle’."

The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he definitely doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just gotta wonder what kind of fool put him up there in the first place!"

[Venomrush]

OMW!!!!! Effing Classic!
/saved

Thought you might like that

[Oculate]

OMW!!!!! Effing Classic!
/saved

tis on the Citizen newspaper website

[Oculate]

This 1s quite old...

>> GORILLA PROBLEMS
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree in the
front yard. He looks in the phone book for a Gorilla Removal Service.
"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.
"Boy," is the man's response.
"Oh yeah, I can handle that. I'll be right over."
An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of hand cuffs. He then gives the man some instructions. "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on."
The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."