the JOKE thread

[wizdumb]

vir die afrikaanse folks...

Koos, Mike en Kallie word deur spietkops by 'n groot
winkelsentrum in Benoni afgetrek.
Spietkop: OK, guys, het julle 'n idéé hoe vinnig julle gery
het?
Hulle: G'n idee nie - maar jy gaan ons sê!
Spietkop: So vinnig dat julle elkeen 'n spoedkaartjie gaan
kry! (Hy haal sy boekie uit.) Wat is jou naam?
Koos kyk rond en sien 'n Woolworths-reklamebord daar naby: "My
naam is William Woolworth," sê Koos.
Kallie snap dit dadelik, kyk rond en sien Edgars. "My naam is
Eddie Edgars!"
Kallie en Koos kyk benoud na Mike en hoop dat hy verstaan wat
hulle gedoen het.
"En jy?" vra die spietkop kwaai.
"My naam is Ken!"
"Ja, maar wat is jou volle name?"
Mike sê selfversekerd: "My naam is Ken, en my van is Takkie
Fraaid Tjieken!"

[HANDsolo]

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the South. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone.

Buford Buck's 2 country boys in the next booth notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt.

The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out she starts spewing up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.

Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck "You're right, that hind-lick manoeuvre works like a charm."

[Piesangslaai]

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the South. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone.

Buford Buck's 2 country boys in the next booth notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt.

The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out she starts spewing up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.

Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck "You're right, that hind-lick manoeuvre works like a charm."

I will never ever be able to help someone who's choking ever again after I've read this...

[Dixie]

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,

'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'

He stormed in to his wife in the kitchen and announced,

"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.

You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.

Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair? '

The wife replied, "The fucking funeral director would be my first guess."

[Oculate]

lol Dixie

[sycogrim]

bwahahahahahaha good one dix

[Dixie]

A guy has a horny parrot.
It's terrible.
Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm.

He invites his mother to tea, and the bird keeps saying foul things.

Finally he takes the parrot to a vet. The vet examines the bird extensively, says, "Well, you have a very [email protected] male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for 200 bucks your bird can go in the cage with mine.."

The guy's parrot is listening and says, "Come on! Come on! What the fuck are you waiting for!?"

Finally, the guy says "All right" and hands over the 200 bucks.

The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird and closes the curtain.

Suddenly, "Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!" The cage starts shaking and feathers come flying out. The vet screams, "Holy sh!t," and runs across the room and opens the curtain.

The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage with one claw. With the other claw he's pulling out all her feathers, saying, "For 200 fucking bucks, I want you naked, bitch. Naked!"

[wizdumb]

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife,
'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:
BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,
BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,
BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

'From now on when I say BELL 1
I want you to strip naked.
When I say BELL 2
I want you to jump in bed.
And when I say BELL 3
We are going to make love all night.

The next night he came home from work and yelled
' BELL 1!' The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled ' BELL 3!', they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'

'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband?

'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,' she replied '
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'

[Dixie]

*snortle* @ wizdumb

[BlaZing]

LoL, that is a good one.