And before people a think this is racist, it's not.
A policeman spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford.
He radios for backup.
"What's the situation?"
"A big fat black guy is dancing on a car roof."
"You can't say that over the radio" replies the operator, "You have to
use the politically correct terminology"
"OK" he says.
"Zulu...Tango....Sierra"
These aren't very funny ones but still:
Question:
How does Lady Gaga likes her steak?
Answer:
Raw, raw, ra-a-a-aw...
Question:
Why did the duck cross the road?
Answer:
Because the chicken was on vocation...
Like i said these aren't very funny ones, but they should be enough to make you smile
What do u call a smart blond.......a golden retriever
I accidentally put two contacts in one eye, now I can see myself for who I really am.
Politically correct english for teenagers
ROFL at the Boer vs English joke
No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."
You don't have detention, you're just one of the"exit delayed."
Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
You don't talk a lot.. You're just "abundantly verbal."
You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
You're not being sent to the principals office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."
It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."
The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."
LOl I am going to use some of those, thanks shadow fox
Dude, seriously, no. As in SERIOUSLY no. I've edited this because I trust you will remove this incredibly distasteful and disgusting attempt at humor.Originally Posted by GG_Allin
Why I'm divorced . . ..
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..
I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'
I thought....
Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids....
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'
We went to lunch..
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'
I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner..'
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there....
On the couch....
Naked.
A new study shows that more money is spent on boob jobs and viagra than on alzheimers research.
Scientists predict that by the year 2040 , the elderly will have perky breasts, raging hard ons - and no idea why.
Last edited by Murph; 09-11-2010 at 08:13 AM.
loooooooooool
Utterly classic!
