A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding
on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.
"Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife.
"Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out."
"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him."
The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
"Dis té héérlik om so 'n lang nek te hê!
Met etes kan ek elke happie geniet die heelpad wat hy op pad is maag toe
en in die somer is dit so verfrissend om ietsie koud te drink - die koel vog verkwik my hele lyf terwyl dit in my keel afvloei..."
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot; the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the
freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
