Wii U won’t have a unified achievements system

Those people who play games for the achievements (and that’s pretty much everybody except the guys who say they don’t – it’s okay, we’ll totally pretend you mean it) will be undoubtedly devastated to learn that the Wii U doesn’t have any.

Until now, Nintendo has been sort of vague about the console’s online and social features, but Scribblenauts Unlimited developer 5th Cell has dropped the disappointment-bomb.

“There are no Wii U accomplishments that are system-wide,” 5th Cell boss Jeremiah Slaczka wrote on NeoGAF, adding that developers may instead implement their own achievement systems on a game-to-game basis.

“Scribblenauts Unlimited loosely has them in the form of ‘Global Starite Shards’ which is like a giant checklist of global things to spawn and do in the game that aren’t area specific,” he explained.

But what does that even matter if doing those things doesn’t add a random number to another number, or give you a shiny trophy for it? I mean, seriously, it’s like Nintendo doesn’t understand even the most basic principles of operant conditioning. Come on, how are we ever supposed to become permanently immobilised blobs of meat hooked up to the machine if we don’t have a good reason to do so? It’s not like anybody plays games for fun anymore.