I would usually pass on any and all Final Fantasy-related news articles on principle, but I’m taking this one today because it vindicates my opinion that every single Japanese game ever is crap*.

Square Enix has announced a Final Fantasy rhythm game for the DS. It’s called Theatrhythm.

Theatrhythm. It’s like Square’s concept department visited a kindergarten to poll kids for a good name, and the one with a monster lisp and some otherwise undiscovered neurological impairment shouted the loudest. Maybe that’s exactly how it happened.

According to Adriasang, it’s a “theatre rhythm action” game, which does prompt the question, “Why isn’t it called Theatrhyction?” I mean, when you’re that invested in the stupid name idea, might as well go all the way.

The game features music pulled from previous Final Fantasy titles, and battles are resolved by tapping the 3DS screen to cues.

*Except for the two or three that aren’t, obviously. But the rest totally are.