Armour expert calls female boob armour a “design flaw”

It’s probably fair to say that women in fantasy RPGs are the industry’s most highly endangered species.

I mean, these are women who take on entire monster-infested dwarven mines wearing nothing but a bit of moulded plate metal over their chests and a chainmail g-string.

If it’s not disembowelling, it’s probably going to be some kind of really nasty infection from all that… chafing.

In a lengthy article over on Mad Art Lab, writer and armourer Ryan “Jabbawock” Somebodyorother has finally taken to task those responsible for this flagrant disregard for women’s personal safety .

“Plate armor is the way it is largely out of necessity,” he writes. “The layout and articulations of the plates are the best solutions the designers could come up with to balance mobility with protection. Also, note that nobody was naked under their armor. There was a ton of padding between the metal and the flesh that absorbed the energy of the blows. That means the difference between male and female plate armor is relatively trivial because once you’ve padded it out and left space for movement, you’ve all but erased the figure of the person inside.”

Skyrim women in boob plate

Not the actual armour in question. Original image of armour forged by Ryan removed at request of alleged copyright owner of the image.

“That there, that is a boob plate. I made that one. The woman in the photo asked for it to be like that. She fights in it. I worry constantly that she’s going to fall hard and it will crack her sternum, even with the padding. Note also that it seems almost perfectly designed to guide sword points and arrows into her heart. They still have to penetrate the armor but, honestly, that’s a design flaw. However, it looks good and makes her feel sexy and badass at the same time. That’s important too.”

I’m sure the person who says her eulogy will remember to include that bit. “Yes, she was maybe a bit reckless with her vital organs, but she felt so sexy and badass.”

Forum discussion

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  • A

    Wearing armor like that will get you killed within a minute when fighting any warrior worth their money. They’re not going to target the armor! Why should they? They’re going to target the fleshy parts of your body which are a big red neon sign screaming ‘please, cut me because I’m a little bitch who’d rather die than feel unsexy’. Either wear all of the armor or nothing at all, I don’t care, but not a mix of both.

  • The stupid literally hurts.

  • Mark Soloway

    The major major major flaw in the argument that ‘scantly clad armor’ is ineffective is that armor like just like it existed for centuries and was used to great effect in the nastiest most brutal hand to hand combat the world has ever seen. The Roman Gladiators. Their armor covered only portions of their bodies, allowing for greater freedom of movement. If you want to argue that ‘women armor’ is stupid because of the sexualization of women it creates, I agree. For it’s ineffectiveness, pack it in son, you’re wrong, armor doesn’t have to cover the entire body to have a purpose and be useful. Training, skill, prowess and proper gear combined to make an effective warrior.

  • Gossamer Orange

    Gladiator armor was rather limited for several reasons. First of all, armor was either extremely expensive, extremely heavy or, and that was the case in majority of situations, a combination of both. During Roman Empire, many soldiers used bronze or even stone weapons. Iron was scarse, expensive and low quality (by today’s standards). Secondly, even the best armors of the time did not sufficiently protect limbs. Contrary to the popular belief, vast majority of gladiatoral battles were not to the death. Opponents simply had to incapasitate each other. A wound to an arm or a leg was enough. That actually defeats the purpose of a roman military armor layout, since military armor protected vital organs, whereas gladiators relied on limb damage. Therefore, most trained with something that only covered blindspots that are more likely to be hit or in something that could be used as a shield.

Armour expert calls female boob armour a “design flaw”