Bitch-slapped in the face

People often ask me, “Hey, what are you doing in my back yard?”, and “Hey, is that thing loaded?”, and “Hey, are you buying Duke Nukem Forever?”. I’ll leave my lawyer to sort out some kind of deal with the first two, but I’m here today (pending further litigation) to talk about the last one.

Here’s the thing – I just don’t much like Duke Nukem Forever’s rather blatant sexism. I know, I know, I’m supposed to be all, like, “Oh, whatever, I’m totally too postmodern and cool to care about such petty, bourgeois abstractions” and “Oh, whatever, it’s actually really just a totally clever parody of disaffected 21st century consumerism in the context of post-deconstructivist situationism as a metaphor for masculine sexuality and the cultural paradigm of dialectic consensus” and “Oh, whatever, I’M MAKIN’ SAMMICHES”.

But I’m not like that. In spite of my sincerest efforts to laugh it off, I’m actually a bit offended by Duke Nukem Forever instead.

It’s satire. I get it. Wait no, I don’t. Isn’t satire supposed to make a point or something? So what point, exactly, is Duke Nukem Forever trying to make? If anything, it’s just an uncomfortable reminder that I’m actually related to one or two people who think it’s okay to treat women like a conveniently-arranged assembly of meat and orifices, and nothing much else.

Can satire really be considered successful – or anything even remotely worth doing, for that matter – when a substantial percentage of its target market demographic doesn’t even realise it’s supposed to be satire?* Is sexist satire even funny?

It’s kinda like somebody who thinks poop jokes are funny. Is it because the concept of a poop joke is so base, so absurd, so consummately inane that it’s funny, or is it because poop jokes are about as sophisticated as jokes get? If there’s any preponderating parity among those people I’ve seen promoting the Duke’s more prurient predilections, it’s overbearing ****ing stupidity. Basically, the kind of knuckle-lugging troglodyte who can’t see more than two or three centimetres ahead of himself, because his hirsute, precariously protruding brow keeps getting in the way. That’s also a metaphor.

Besides, isn’t it possible that calling it satire is an easy free pass to intellectual credibility, when it’s maybe just a sly excuse to push otherwise objectionable content without objection?

Would we still be okay with it, if the bound, defenceless, terrified woman in the Capture the Babe multiplayer mode were swapped out for a kid, perhaps, or a black guy, or Jesus? It seems to me that, all too often, women are soft, inculpable targets – and not least because even the most polite, tentative criticism of this is almost certain to prompt its own veritable cataclysm of sneering derision. It’s almost impossible to open anything like an intelligent, constructive debate on the subject, because it’s invariably and instantly engulfed by hostile disregard and/or condemnation and/or exhortations to STFU and get back in the kitchen. I mean, video games aren’t for chicks, anyway, and vindication is just a random and meaningless accumulation of syllables.

There’s an ostensibly sensible counter-argument that video games are the stuff of escapism and outrageous invention, anyway. Nobody’s making conscientious objections about what typically amounts more or less to recreational genocide in the average FPS, are they? The difference, of course, being that playing ad hoc Rambo and/or Space Marine is very firmly entrenched within the rainbow-coloured, unicorn-dusted borders of fantasy. Slapping women, not so much.

I guess I’m not even sure which is worse – that Duke Nukem makes fun of a serious issue like sexism, or that sexism is a serious issue at all. Maybe this stuff might be funnier if hateful, misogynistic attitudes and casual objectification of women like those “parodied” in the game weren’t actually so shamefully prevalent in reality.

* And if you don’t believe me, do a search for any articles about the Capture the Babe multiplayer mode, and read the comments underneath those.

Forum discussion

Join the conversation

  • Martix

    Tarryn you need a flat hand bitch slap from all the crap you post on here for attention.

  • Reaver

    ^^^^Lols 😀

  • CmaN

    Good read tbqfh

    @matrix LOL guess who's never getting a girl 🙂

  • Xero

    I agree that the subject matter is a sensitive one and believe me I do understand why you do not support the title.

    I grew up playing Duke 1 and 2, for me the character is a legend, something that harkens back to the days when life was simple and my biggest concern was what I was having for Dinner.
    Somewhere along the lines, the Duke franchise did indeed become lost in terms of subject matter, and yes some serious sexist play elements were added into the mix.I get that the chracter evolved or was forcibly evolved into the ultimate in Bad Ass, but who defined that term, who setup those parameters and why did they do so in this manner?
    I guess no one will own up to being the one that said "Hey, instead of just having him save the girl, lets have him smack her around a bit first"

    That aside though, and once again while I do see the issue with the title, I will be buying it PURELY for the reasons I first mentioned, as a well balanced married male, I can honestly say that I do find violence against women appaling and pathetic, to the point where I have been involved in some situations where I rectified the male in question's viewpoint myself, manually, the hard way.

    The problem with this kind of subject matter is that it will only encourage this type of behaviour in the the most phsychotic and retarded individuals amongst us, as for the rest of the juvenile imbeciles online, it may distort their speech patterns for a while (I see enough of that and strangely enough it does actually correlate to new releases of titles and movies, which I guess could make an interesting story all by itself)and then sputter out and return the online domain to its normal chaotic self.
    But even one case of abuse that can be diretly or indirectly linked back to the title will ultimately destroy the franchise for everyone, this type of subject matter is irresponsible, but what are we, the ones that know what the franchise used to be and are well adjusted and not influenced by external subject matter to do about it.

    We know Boycotts don't work, we know petitions are useless, so what then?

    I get what you are saying, but I think it depends solely on the fact that certain individuals do not know how to seperate reality from the rest of the junk that are responsible for the largest part of online abuse towards females, offline real life abuse is something that most of the morons will not understand or have a reference frame for, its something that they joke about with friends until they are faced with it and they run screaming.

    I can already see that some of the comments on this column will come from individuals like that, it was a brave piece to write and I for one salute you for it, not literally ofc, but that is the expression 😛

  • Martix

    @CmaN If all women were like Tarryn it would be a very miserable world. Luckily they're not. I don't agree with the slapping of women at all but the rants for the sake of attention like all her articles sickens me. I guess I'm falling for it as I'm giving her the attention she's looking for.

  • Xero

    Seems like someone is intimidated by intelligent women

    Your first comment was stupid, really, it demonstrated exactly the type of mass retardation I was referring to in my post.

    Thanks for making the point easier to get across, some people as retards, others are fairly well adjusted

  • Martix

    Well said Xero!

  • Claire

    I completely agree with this article.

    @Martix It seems you're exactly the type of little boy who needs to be shielded from the influence of games like Duke Nukem Forever, lest it encourage criminally-inclined thoughts in you.

  • Ser_Bunnylot


    Agreed. This facet of DNF just represents the moral degradation of society. The only reason someone would vehemently defend something like this is because something, somewhere deep inside the brain is just screwed up.

  • Trowalts

    After reading the above rant, I went to check out "Capture the Babe multiplayer mode". You see, in life there is a line. This line separates unnecessary stupidity, crudeness and hatefulness from everything else. The developers of Duke Nukem (not going to google now but I think it was 3d Realms or something like that) walked that line and they did a good job of it, I loved Duke Nukem 3D. This however is just wrong, I'm sorry its ****** up and unnecessary and I for one will not be playing the long awaited sequel to DK3d. The fact that anyone would support this game and as such the content it contains makes me sick. Even if you think, oh haha its all just a big joke, chill out, guess what its not and you're being a fucking idiot.

  • hideinlight

    Something like this is just not gonna work out in multiplayer, you'll get people that's gonna out right refuse to use the bitchslap mechanic, putting the team at a disadvantage.

    Ass smack would of been more appropriate.

  • JustGonnaLeaveThisHere
  • ColdCat ( Mod On Ps3za forums)

    Ahh Tarryn, honestly.

    I get the whole controversial articles get attention and traffic on a blog. But all I see in your articles is complaints and useless opinions on matters that have no need for mention except to stir online, which is clearly demonstrated by the comments received on this article on your site. Trying to get the game boycotted will be a waste of time , you think you going to stop 18 year men from playing after injecting more moral? I doubt that.

    Remember that DNF is rated 18+, so anyone that's playing it should have a sound understanding in the world with regards to respecting women. And I'm sure that games don't influence abuse towards women; upbringing in a broken abusive home or environment does. Games are a form of expression and escape. Just because I shoot seagulls in MGS, or dogs in resident evil or Russians in COD, doesn't mean I'm going to do that in real life.

    If someone was unbalanced in the first place, I''ll assure you readily accessible alcohol and drugs would cause way more problems than a game that sells for R600.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    @ Coldcat: By reducing legitimate concerns about sexism to "useless opinions on matters that have no need for mention", you've kinda made everything else you say irrelevant.

    I do think it's sort of hilarious, though, that you're suggesting an 18+ age rating means only adults are going to play it. Honestly, if you're going to come up with a good counter-argument, try harder.

  • Imber

    So are we preaching censorship here?

    Honestly who gives a crap. It's a game mode, get over it and move on.

  • pale_blue_dot

    @ColdCat I'm a 29 year old male, and to be honest, I really didn't pay attention to age restrictions when I was under 18, and neither did most of my friends. If someone had told me not to play a game because I was too young, I would have played it regardless, so long as it was something I wanted to play.

    Now ignoring that completely, plenty of "men" older than 18 have atrocious attitudes towards women, so please don't suggest that just because you're 18 or older, you're going to have a decent understanding of how to treat women.

    And there is no such thing as a useless opinion, only opinions that you don't agree with. Would you be happier if it was a guy writing about this? Because I agree with most of what she said, and would happily write the same, albeit much less eloquently or with the same amount of flair.

  • Anonymousse

    It's just a game.

  • Mongol

    I'd buy a game with capture the Jesus instantly 😀

  • Coldcat

    Firstly I don't at all respect that an idiot that took my comment on ps3za and posted here.

    2ndly my argument is out of context to a response to a comment on the forum, so please don't try bring me over here to comment on your article and give you what you looking for.

    I don't appreciate it at all.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    If you're suggesting I posted the comment under your name, I did not.

  • James Etherington-Smith

    Keep it tidy please. Personal attacks on MyGaming writers will not be tolerated. You are welcome to disagree with our opinions, but don't resort to juvenile insults.

    It makes my ban hammer itchy.

  • Anonymousse

    Don't mess with an itchy ban hammer, consequences will never be the same.

    (still think one should login first to be able to post comments, it gets really ridiculous sometimes)

  • Coldcat

    Yeah I agree with Anonymousse, logging in before posting should be made compulsory. I've never been bothered with this before, but I do am bothered that someone took my words and posted it here as me.


    Everyone getting up in arms about this are all idiots including Tarryn. If any of you had done any real research and not base your opinions on rumours but rather on facts then you would know that you don't slap the babe in the face when you capture her, you give her a ''gentle love pat on the ass" as stated by Randy Pitchford himself on his twitter which can be found here:!/duvalmagic

  • Coldcat

    @I HATE NOOBS: HAHAHAAA! Never saw that, you could have saved me much time if I had seen that. thanks.


  • Kerbyross

    My BALLS OF STEEL edition is Pre Ordered.
    Does that make me a male shovinist pig ?
    Does that mean I hang out at teazers ?
    No .
    You have to have pretty big gahoonas yourself to come out and call everyone who plays it a male shovinist pig.
    Maybe If I play doom im a big raging satanist !
    I listen to ACDC aswell ! BURN ME IN THE FIRE !
    Quickly !


    Im one of the few people here who have been reading the 3d realm forums non stop until now ,
    waiting for the moment that this game could finally be released.
    This game is the one that was never ment to be finished , like a phoenix rizing from the ashes,
    do I care if It crashes and burns some more ?
    I do not. I dont think it will anyway.
    I am also waiting for a fresh release of Shadow Warrior , do I think it will happen ? No I dont.
    Still doesnt make me out to be a big old meany.

    I can see that women will be offended.

    Then please do not buy it.

    Do I think Gearbox will mind if women boycott it ?
    I rather think they expect as much.

    Such is the life of a company making a game of Hugh Hefner on steroids.

  • Tarryn van der Byl


    Um. Even the MyGaming article linked here specifies that it's a slap on the bum.

    My article title refers to the English idiom, "slapped in the face", meaning to be insulted or offended. It's also a pun, see?

    Now excuse me while I go roll my eyes.

  • Adam FullMetal

    Tarryn, as always your articles are entertaining and a great source of rhetoric in the monotony of the somewhat 'bland' South African gaming journalism scene.

    To be honest, my weekends are pretty boring and since I'm capped (my internet, and not my ass. I'm no 'gangsta' rapper by any stretch of the imagination) I've been reading some of the articles on MyGaming. I find your current editorial piece hits the nail on the head, or the Duke in the balls? Perhaps, I'm going a bit far in my descriptive phrasing. I agree with your points. However, Duke Nukem Forever is not the only game guilty of sexism. It's only one of the few.

  • Graal

    Well, I'm not surprised, I'm still holding out that after all these years of waiting, the game is going to end up being terrible or mediocre at best.

  • bokaroo

    When people post comments here saying "you're just looking for attention, Tarryn", what they're really saying is "I don't like it when women are intelligent or express opinions".

    End of story. Incredible how so many of the replies to this totally validate everything in the article, without the slightest shred of irony.

  • Bitch Slap

    Get off your rag and then review a game. It's called entertainment. If you don't like it then don't play it. BTW go make me a sammich while I play. Bitch!

  • Anonymousse

    Case in point.

  • Graal

    Oh, get over yourselves. You just want to disagree because you're intimidated by Azimuth. Had Nixie Dixie written this you'd have been lathering the positive comments on her in the futile hopes that she might see it and think it's sweet and give you a blowjob for your comment. Or something.

    ;tldr, get out of your parents' basement.

  • Anonymousse

    And I meant about logging in before commenting.

    For those who missed it..

  • Graal

    Ah, sorry, my bad. I misunderstood your comment. 😛

  • Graal

    And yes, being forced to log in will certainly make the comments sections a lot better.

  • ColdCat ( Mod On Ps3za forums)

    Your useless opinions as I've said are from previous articles, and I said I understand where you coming from with regards to this article. GTA4 had hookers and alcohol and promoted drinking and driving too. Do we complain about it? Well yeah fussing morons that can't believe one can separate reality and fantasy did. If you want to bitch about something, then bitch about the fact that age restriction of games is not enforced correctly in SA. I've said my thing.

  • bokaroo

    I can't help but wonder if ColdCat finds Tarryn's opinions useless only because he can't be bothered to find a dictionary to understand them.

    Honestly, if they're so useless to you, stop reading them instead of constantly whining about them.

    If Tarryn were male, NONE of these so deeply threatened knuckledraggers would be repeatedly trolling the comments of this article. Their inability to recognise the irony of it all is rather staggering, but at least amusing.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    @ ColdCat

    But it's not a good comparison. GTA had consequences for hurting innocent people, and its general portrayal of women was, at the very least, mostly indifferent.

    This is not true for DNF, where women are depicted as objects, nothing more.

    And yes, as I've already said, it's supposed to be satire. But is it good satire? Read some of the comments posted here – is the satire working, or only reinforcing existing prejudices?

    And bitching about age restrictions is pointless. Honestly, I don't even know why we have an 18+ rating – I think 16 is as high as it should be.

    Moreover, censorship solves nothing. It hides problems, instead of holding them up to constructive public discourse. Which is kinda what I'm trying to do here.

    It's okay to criticise this sort of stuff, y'know.

  • Coldcat

    Tarryn, Can you please delete all the comments by ColdCat(Mod on ps3za forums)

    It's not portraying the full discussion of the thread on the forum.

    You wouldn't like it if I was taking your posts and posting them here as you out on context.

    If you guys want to see the full story it's at I did not come here to promote ps3za or my mod status.. as it's clearly being abused.

    To mygaming, you guys need to sort your problem out with people using other names and posting it up.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    I do not have the authority to delete comments, but I'll pass it on.

  • Zolmaster

    Wait, you're not buying Duke Nukem Forever because the female characters are as fleshed out as Duke Nukem is?

    Duke Nukem is an action movie stereotype placed in a action video game. The audience that this will appeal to, will therefore have the same set of expectations, which are:

    – Ass-kicking male hero(s)
    – Explosions
    – Sexy girls

    If you look at movies, the director who best makes the movies with these characteristics is Michael Bay (see Bad Boys and Transformers).

    Guess what target market Michael Bay makes movies for?

    Onto the guys who mis-read the whole slapping thing: I think it's pretty obvious that it's a slap on the ass, and has been confirmed as such. I honestly do not see the issue with it? Heck I've met people who are into weirder stuff than a bit of spanking :/

  • Zolmaster

    And just to highlight the absurdity of this article, you'll play a game where you can shoot people, BUT heaven forbid that guy doing the killing gives a girl a smack on the butt and all of a sudden it's a big deal?

    This just in:

    Virtual bum smacking bigger issue than shooting virtual people.

  • @Zolmaster

    You didn't even finish reading the article, did you?

    BUT heaven forbid anybody have a different opinion to you anyway.

    As someone else already pointed out, it's incredible how many of the comments posted validate everything in the article and the posters don't even realise it. LOL?

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    "Wait, you're not buying Duke Nukem Forever because the female characters are as fleshed out as Duke Nukem is?"

    No. I didn't read the rest of your comment, because it's obviously irrelevant.

    Retry? Y/N

  • Zolmaster

    @@Zolmaster People are welcome to their opinion. Where did I say otherwise?

    @Tarryn Nice trolling. There's a saying that people have about making assumptions. Heaven forbid, it might actually be relevent, but you'll never know because you'll never bother to read it. But perhaps others will and maybe they will share my view? If they do, fine, if they don't, that's also fine too. If everyone thought the same way this world would be a bloody boring place.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    You clearly missed the point of the entire article. This was made clear in the first line of your response.

    What could you possibly add that was relevant?

    I don't mean to insult you at all, mind you, nor am I suggesting you'd not have anything to say that was worth reading. But you've clearly demonstrated that you've fundamentally misunderstood what this article is about.

    Look, I'm not denying that Duke Nukem himself is a one-dimensional character. He's stupid, vulgar, sexist, and violent. But consider this – a lot of guys think he's pretty awesome because of that. You don't think that's a sad indictment of the male psyche in 2011? 🙁

  • DenSweeP

    As someone who experienced my sister being in a physically abusive relationship, I say anything that promotes violence towards woman, should not only be censored, but entirely banned. It must be the most disgusting, cowardly and incomprehensible act a man can do to a woman.

    So to all you idiots and cowards who think that Duke is cool for his attitude to woman, go tell that to a woman who has been physically beaten up by a guy. I'm not saying Duke is a woman abuser, but maybe, just maybe his attitude towards woman in the game, could lead to some guy thinking it's cool to smack a woman. And that would be one guy too many.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    @ DenSweep

    The problem with censorship is that it effectively precludes constructive debate. It hides problems, and pretends they aren't there, instead of addressing and resolving them.

    Censoring or banning Duke Nukem Forever (or any other similar media) means not talking about it anymore.

    I'm also not convinced that Duke Nukem could be considered to promote negative modes of behaviour so much as reinforce existing perceptions. And sexism is already very prevalent in our culture.

    What's sad to me is how many guys want to buy this game not because it's such a "clever parody", but because you get to slap women's bums.

  • Juice

    Capture the Jesus? Hell, I'd buy a ticket.

  • Dax

    This argument is similar to abortion, or whether there is a god.

    You'll always have people who feel strongly and others who don't feel strongly on the subject, and really, who cares? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, Tarryn to hers and everyone else to theirs.

    Tarryn, you decided to express your opinion here and well done for that. You used a lot of big words, some I don't even understand and couldn't be bothered to look up, but I got it, and I respect it. It is, however, not going to stop me from buying the game.

    In fact I doubt it will stop most people here from buying and playing (and enjoying) the game too. Thus I don't understand why you're using Mygaming as your personal blog for pointless discussions on subjects that are touchy by nature when there is no clear line that is being crossed.

    Remember, Duke Nukem is a game from the previous millenium and back then, sexism was funny, same as black jokes, and jokes about religion, and honestly, still are.
    Nobody is real in Duke Nukem and if you were watching a movie where a male treated a female like a piece of ham you'd walk away knowing it was just a movie at the end.. Why is this any different? Duke Nukem NEEDS the sexism to be Duke Nukem, that is it. Would they be able to call it Duke Nukem if he wasn't a sexist pig? I don't think so..

    Final thought: Tarryn I think you should play and enjoy Duke Nukem Forever and try not to think too much about the sexist undertones in the game. Have fun, I know I will.

  • Juice

    Duke Nukem was born to not be taken seriously. Seriously people.

  • Tempy

    Tarryn, thanks for your article. As always an interesting and informative read.

    I had never played any Duke Nukem title, but after reading this article and doing some extra reading, I'm shocked as to what is passed as acceptable in this game.

    To all of us men, I think it's time to MAN UP, to put aside nonsense such as this and to do what we have been called to all along; to honor and respect women.

  • DenSweeP

    @Dax, certainly everyone is entitled to their opinion, but surely you jest when saying who cares about sexism??? And to compare it to abortion or whether there is a God a or not? Completely different.

    No one surely would state here that sexism is okay or right or acceptable? Surely. How would any of you who say there is nothing wrong with slapping a womans' backside feel if your wife/girlfriend (assuming you actually have) had to come home from work and tell you that their boss slapped their ass today and said "hello baby"?

  • Dax

    DenSweeP, you're the type of person that gets me pissed off.

    Let me quote from my previous comment because you obviously didn't read far enough down:

    "Nobody is real in Duke Nukem and if you were watching a movie where a male treated a female like a piece of ham you'd walk away knowing it was just a movie at the end.. Why is this any different? Duke Nukem NEEDS the sexism to be Duke Nukem, that is it. Would they be able to call it Duke Nukem if he wasn't a sexist pig? I don't think so.."

    Let me make this clear, nice and fucking clear. Not once did I say that sexism is okay IN REAL LIFE, in fact, I hardly mentioned real life in my comment at all DenSweeP, do you know why I didn't? BECAUSE WE'RE NOT FUCKING TALKING ABOUT REAL LIFE. Apologies for the capslock, but I feel like I need it to make you understand. What I did say however, is that the GAME 'Duke Nukem' wouldn't be the same without it's old, cliche, sexist jokes and honestly, anyone who compares REAL LIFE SEXISM with DUKE FUCKING NUKEM shouldn't really be playing Duke Nukem in the first place because they obviously can't tell the difference between the two.

    I'm not angry, just passionate 🙂

  • Fragster

    Wait what? You mean the game pokes fun at sexism, much like countless tv programs, films and cosmo?

    Well count me out! I'm going back to good clean, wholesome gaming, where I can gun down a whole airport with a m60, or impale babies.


  • Tpex

    This article has just given me reason to go out and buy DNF 😀 😀 😀

  • Graal

    Oh, Daxie boy, you sure are PASSIONATE about this game, aren't you.

    The point is, there's a huge plethora of problems that stem from sexism in Real Life™, so having such a big element of sexism in the game (and I don't have a big problem with references in-game), having an entire multiplayer game mode centered around it does nothing to help drag the last few neanderthals who still subscribe so heavily to sexism kicking and screaming into the 21st century.

  • Reaver

    Then don't play it FFS!!!!1 Don't even look at it if it offends you so much!! It's a game!! and Duke Nukem for that matter! wtf… *facepalm*

  • Echo

    But, didn't he come back and fight the aliens just because they took the woman?The aliens could kill all the guys and he couldn't care, but they take the girls and now he returns.

    If anything it's sexist towards men.

    But in all seriousness, great article brilliantly written. I just don't agree entirely.

  • @Reaver

    Grats on missing the point entirely.

  • ^^

    Err.. There wasn't a point to being with?

  • /facepalm

    that ignoring something just because you disagree doesn't change the social implications. And no, you cannot counter it by say 'but you murder people in CoD', because the motivations behind murder is entirely different to those behind sexism.

  • James

    Tarryn, it isn't like you buy ANY of your games. As a game journalist you get them for free.

  • Lycanthrope

    Then don't buy the game! Gosh, do you honestly think Gearbox's sales are going to be affected by one bitter journalist?

    You write a massive article trying to justify why you won't be buying it, but in reality all you've done is aid the hype around the game, at least for the readers of this site…

    You've created an interest in the game, so your lack of a purchase will be met by 50 other guys who would've read this article and now seem interested in the game again. One persons rant for fifty other peoples purchase. All you've done is create unintentional hype and free advertising.

  • J

    I don't give a rat's ass about Duke Nukem, but this thing feels a bit like using a bucket of KFC to revive Cole in Gears of War.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    @ James

    No, actually, I buy most of my games. Review copies usually arrive after launch day, and for the most part, I'm a launch day buyer.

    I'd say I probably buy eight games for every game I get free.

  • Juice

    Great article, Tarryn. The obvious sexism in DNF is indefensible, but the fact that some people would go to any lengths to defend it anyway says a lot about them.

  • Graal

    You guys do realise that if you think this article is a piece of **** and Tarryn shouldn't have written it, you didn't have to read or comment on it either. It's not harming you, or the website for that matter, so just close the tab and go find something else to do.

  • Juice

    Oy, who is this imposter above Graal?

  • Lycanthrope

    @ Juice — I can say the same. Since when do I say "gosh?"

    Idiot imposter.

  • noPINGSattached

    Isn't this the same as any questionable action that games allow you to do, like killing people, illegal street racing, chainsawing a subterranean being who is only trying to protect his species way of life from the genocide happening beneath the the planets surface? Don't turn into Jack Thompson just because you finally found something in a game that offends you.

    Disclaimer: I do not condone violence against women, as well as all the other things mentioned above. Although, killing prostitutes to get your money back is just good business sense. Just kidding.

  • Graal

    We really need a log-in-to-comment feature. These imposters are getting more numerous by the day.

  • Duke Nukem

    Tarryn I am disappointed the quality of your articles, they are getting worse and worse by the day. God knows why MyGaming keeps you around, you hardly write anything positive and uplifting anymore, the last couple of weeks you were harping on how terrible gamers are. Not that the irony is lost on us since you are one yourself, I for one am getting sick of coming the MyGaming and reading your negative opinionated garbage you call gaming journalism.

    Also it seems you get treated with "kiddies" gloves just because you have a pair of tits so whenever someone gets a bit too opinionated regarding your opinion or reviews, the two internet white nights tinman and rustpuppet comes to the "fair maidens" rescue. And start throwing around warnings. Kind of reminds me when females were scares at LAN's and all the geeks would faun and hang around them like a bunch of flies around a piece of crap.

    There is an old gamers saying that goes: If you dont like it, then simply dont play it. Also common sense dictates that the best way to boycott something is not by buying said product or giving it any attention. But it seems in your little feminism rant common sense was lost.

    Lycanthrope made a perfectly valid point, just because you cant handle the obvious over the top satire and tongue in cheek slapstick comedic relief that Duke Nukem provides does not mean other people wont enjoy it for what it is *ENTERTAINMENT* Sure you might have your opinion about it but you do know what they say about them opinions right?

  • @Duke Nukem

    You do realise that the point of the article was for her to state her opinion, right? I don't see how yo can complain about her stating her opinion then. You don't state the reason you're not going to buy a game without stating you're opinion.

  • Duke Nukem

    Even if it is a terribly flawed and negative, humorless one sided opinion as it is always the case with Tarryn these days? Also am I the only one not seeing the irony regarding the topic name when she crusades for female gaming feminism but she uses a derogatory term as the title for her piece?

  • @Duke Nukem

    "Also am I the only one not seeing the irony regarding the topic name when she crusades for female gaming feminism but she uses a derogatory term as the title for her piece? "

    Are you the only one who can't work out why?

    HINT: What's the topic of the article?

  • Coldcat

    Irony of it all is that Tarryn will get a free copy of Duke Nukem.

  • Juice[CHKNHD]

    There. That should be better 🙂

  • Scandolous!

    What I find more tasteless is that Gearbox Software deliberately made the feature sound more controversial than it was – although no less demeaning to women – for the purposes of PR.

    I'm not sure how being slapped on the ass is any different from being handed a folded up dollar bill and being told to "shake it, baby," but whatever. At least it's consensual, right?

    The PROBLEM, as people seem happy to skim over, is that there are very few fleshed-out and unsexualised playable female characters in video games. Let's count the ones I'm aware of, shall we:

    1. Jade, from Beyond Good & Evil
    2. Cate Archer, from No One Lives Forever
    3. Uh… Laura Bow?

    Instead, despite the 50/50 gender split gamers crow about, women continue to get relegated to eye-candy ala Tera Online or insulting "gamez for girlz", which inevitably contain pink, ponies and some sort of dress-up mechanic.

  • Graal

    The only thing I see here is, Haters gonna hate. Very few people who have actually criticized the article did it for any valid reasons.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    Laura Bow! I loled.

    I think Alyx from HL2 was a positive female character. And hey, there's always Rosella. 😛

    But I guess the fact that we can actually make a list kinda proves the point, huh?

  • Juice[CHKNHD]

    Actually, Graal, people mostly launched personal attacks on Tarryn instead. And mostly, I bet they're too neanderthal to notice the irony. I wonder if this article would have been given such a heated treatment if it had been written by a guy…

  • Tarryn van der Byl


    Of course. If I were a guy, I'd be accused of being a pussy-whipped pussy. OBVIOUSLY.

  • Juice[CHKNHD]

    I'm sitting here on the edge of my seat waiting for some guy to start swinging his virtual fists at me for exactly that reason…


  • Duke Nukem

    HINT: Her journalism is about as deep as this beer can I am currently staring at, so lets not read something in her topic which isn't really there. It seem Tarryn is only a feminist gamer when it suits her. Did she complain about the GTA games? There is plenty of hooker abuse in there, or aren't hookers feminine enough?

    Does she complain about the boat load of "fan-service" that games contain? Especially JRPG games? Did she bat an eye lid when Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball was released? Or when a game like BMX XXX had strippers in it? Is that a no on all the counts I hear? You dont wear a "badge" only when it suits you.

    Instead of writing this garbage when everyone who is going to be playing this, wont give a hoot about it because they see it as just a game and nothing more. I mean this is Duke Nukem we are talking about here, what did she expect? 007?

    Why not write an article about the positive portrayals of woman in games? Wont that make more of an impact than this?

    Ooh Ooh I also got a joke might be a bit off topic:

    How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

    None, because they never change anything.

  • Graal

    And Duke Nukem just goes further to prove the point. I'm sorry, but once again, haters gonna hate.

  • Graal

    And I find it hilarious that those who don't really understand Azimuth's article entirely all spout stuff like 'lol it's just a game hurpidy durp'.

  • Tarryn van der Byl


    "Instead of writing this garbage when everyone who is going to be playing this, wont give a hoot about it because they see it as just a game and nothing more."

    Miss the point much?

    As for the rest of your post, including the "hilarious" joke – kinda proves what I said about women standing up for themselves, and sneering derision, doesn't it?

    You're vindicating everything I wrote about. And you're being an asshole doing it.

  • Juice[CHKNHD]

    Wow. Your entire post is either an ironic attempt at satire, or your mysoginism is so deeply entrenched there's actually no point in replying. Signs point to the latter though. Good luck with that.

  • Graal

    I give up with these guys. They didn't come here to debate the topic, they simply came here to tell Tarryn why she is wrong simply because they don't have anything better to do.

  • Juice[CHKNHD]

    No, I don't think that's it Graal. It probably has a lot more to do with territorial chest-beating than Tarryn being wrong. I think it's more about Tarryn being RIGHT and hitting a nerve. No bully wants to be shown up.

  • I am an Impostor

    @Graal and Lycanthrope,

    You fellows shouldn't be accusing anyone of being an impostor, the use of a name in the comments thread means I can use any name I want, you do not own the trademarks to such names so I suggest you two pull out the sticks your rear ends.

    With regard to the article. Look, Tarryn, if you feel you're being morally correct and above those who choose to support this game then great for you, sadly however, it doesn't make a difference what any of you think. There's such a small number of people here trying to make themselves look as ethically, and politically correct as possible, but it doesn't change the fact that this game will be a hit of the year with or without your support.

    LOL, seriously guys, we South Africans hold a very tiny percentage of the global gaming market.

    It's the decade for revival, Doom 4, Duke Nukem Forever… These were the titles that defined the FPS genre back in the day, and now the giants are returning to show everyone how it should be done… A crucial move as lately, with a few exceptions of course, most FPS titles have been derivative rehashes of the previous years release (COD anyone?) or just plain-boring-but-I'll-try-to-be-serious type games.

    Epic saw this and pushed out Bulletstorm. That was a step in the right direction. I believe DNF will further add to this

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    What kinda baffles me is the contempt some people show for those who choose, for one reason or another, to think critically about what they're choosing to play. Like *that's* offensive.

    Last year, I wrote a sort of similar article about political propaganda in military FPSes, actually. While the angle was obviously somewhat different, the fundamental premise is very much the same – maybe we *should* care.

    And if you don't want to care, well, that's your prerogative. But to heap scorn on those who do care is something else entirely.

  • Graal


    Yeah, I agree with Tarryn on the article, but I meant they just came here to tell her why they thought she's wrong. More or less simply because they find intelligent women intimidating or some other rubbish pre-21st century bullshit.

    @I am an Imposter

    We might not own rights to the names, but it's a wuss move if you impersonate another person (and yes, using a name somebody else already used is called impersonation, whether you are allowed to or not, why else would you not just make up any random other name then?), because you want to spew crap and make it sound like it's coming from someone else. Yeah, I can totally see how getting angry at this means you've got a stick up your arse. *roll eyes*

  • Juice[CHKNHD]

    Here's the thing, imposter dude. Ever heard that quote by Edmund Burke? "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Or in this case, perhaps it's "good women". Or "good people". Just because doing the right thing seems futile doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it anyway…

  • Willem

    Blegh, felt like wasting virtual ink to say my virtual say on the matter.

    I find it rather amusing that whenever somebody says another person's opinion is useless, that same person comes back with the statement that there is no useless opinion.

    Funny enough, if I were to raise an opinion that I find it perfectly reasonable to break a woman's jaw for talking back at me (which isn't my opinion, btw), you would all find my opinion not only useless, but suddenly downright wrong.

    It's that rather strange nature of the opinion-police to protect anyone that shares their little "i am offended" thinking, but as soon as someone dares say two words about it – PIG! CHAUVINIST! SEXIST! DOG!

    You know what, ladies.
    Next time you as much as exhale wrong in my direction I will loudly proclaim you to be a feminist bull-dyke whale. See how you like that for a moment.

    You have zero respect for any man from the get-go, regardless of you knowing him or not.
    Funny story: THAT is the definition of prejudice…

  • Duke Nukem

    @ Graal So since I dont understand her article please break it down for us "plebs" who dont have a clue what she wrote about. Because I am really curious as to why she went and picked Duke Nukem of all games to make her point? She made no point of pointing out sexism in other games that were released. Why all of a sudden the bleeding heart now?

    And lets face it that is what Duke Nukem is all about. He isn't misogynistic, he is hedonistic and it shows in his character and in what he does in the game. Hell that is what makes the game so fun just like watching a slapstick comedy, he is a pretty 2 dimensional character.

    Duke Nukem is so over the top and knowingly stupid that you would be a total retard to even mention it as being a example of games being sexist and misogynistic towards woman. Duke Nukem is a meat-headed/machismo guy who got stuck in the early 90`s. His character originated in a different time to now.

    Is Duke Nukem endorsing this attitude in real life? No! It's a satire, parodying and critiquing an attitude. And if you are getting worked up by an obviously satirical throw back game like Duke Nukem then you're doing it wrong, which Tarryn has pretty much proven with her article.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    Wow, it's like you didn't even read the article, and simply came in here wielding your I-HATE-TARRYN'S-ARTICLES-LOL opinion like a branding iron.


  • Graal

    No, I'm not about to rewrite the article again in an attempt to get through to you, because the article already does an excellent job of explaining itself.

    Nobody is expecting anybody to agree with the article, just to see the angle Tarryn is coming from. If you honestly can't at least just do that, then either a)you just won't agree because you dislike Tarryn, b) you're being daft on purpose, or c) you just don't like anybody not having the same opinion as you when concerning the game.

  • Duke Nukem

    @ Tarryn: Woman like you give female gamers like myself a bad name you know why? Because you lack consistency in everything you criticize. I would have agreed with your article if you actually consistently had the same criticism for all games that contained sexism/violence and misogynistic against woman.

    But you haven't, you went picked the one game that parodies everything including the male species. Were do you think the pig cops and the pigs in the game come from? The males get converted into pigs and the women get used as breeding factories. Irony much?

    Now you just come off as some whiny feminist who only complains when it suits her agenda.

    @ Graal: You obviously take pleasure out of White Knighting.

  • Juice[CHKNHD]

    HAHAHAHA! And now you pretend to be a woman so that you can give your vitriolic garbage some sort of credibility? BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

    I think we're done here.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    "I would have agreed with your article if you actually consistently had the same criticism for all games that contained sexism/violence and misogynistic against woman."

    I write a weekly column about gaming, not a daily commentary on the state of sexism in the industry.

    Duke Nukem Forever is topical right now. I wrote about it.

    Honestly. You've not put forward a SINGLE argument against those presented in the article – instead, everything you've posted has criticised my reasons for writing it, or insulted me. You're just not making a very good case for yourself at all, I'm afraid.

  • Duke Nukem

    @ Juice[CHKNHD]: Should a choose a more "feminine" name maybe? Add a couple of smiley faces? Should I debate in a more "feminine" way?

    But clearly because I am not scissoring with you and Tarryn it automatically means I am your average (no offense guys) pot bellied rugby watching male gamer who feels threatened by something with tits and a brain. But congratulations on running with the rope and hanging yourself Juice.

    @ Tarryn: So now the kitty claws are out because you just realized there is someone else out there with a pair of tits that dont agree with you. Before that your comments were limited too: "I-HATE-TARRYN'S-ARTICLES-LOL"

    By writing articles you give commentary on the subject you are discussing. So what were your reasons for writing this article Tarryn? You did not bat an eyelid when Grand Theft Auto was released? Or is curb stomping a Hooker okay? So how come the outrage, for a game that makes itself such an obvious target for someone like you?

    You should stop playing the victim Tarryn it does not suite you, if you are prepared to throw the punches then you should be prepared to receive them as well.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    You're the only person turning this into a bitch fight.

    Honestly, check those insecurities. They're spoiling everything for you.

    And if you're still asking why I wrote this article when I've already explained my reasons, then I'm going to suggest you try reading too.

  • Graal

    I defend an opinion and suddenly I'm white knighting? Pffft! Booooo! Stop trolling and do something useful with yourself.

    Besides, Tarryn seems able to hold her own well enough without anybody white knighting for her.

    The point is, DNF is using sexism as a marketing gimmick, GTA and the like didn't market their games proclaiming that you can kick hookers in the vag.

    As for me, I'm out. You clearly can't sustain any argument without having to attack the person. Not that you really had any solid argument to begin with anyways.

  • Anonymous

    Please someone ban Graal's IP? He is the only troll here.

  • Jeremy

    "The difference, of course, being that playing ad hoc Rambo and/or Space Marine is very firmly entrenched within the rainbow-coloured, unicorn-dusted borders of fantasy. Slapping women, not so much."

    No, the difference is that it happens so damn much nobody cares anymore. You don't think parent groups and politicians and other "argh I'm so offended!" communities didn't flip their lids about Doom's popularity back in the day? What about Mortal Kombat in 1992, with its crazy amount of violence? Its happen so much since then, that everyone has become desensitized towards it.

    But Duke Nukem is different. He's a sexist, hedonistic dinosaur from the 90s whose constant one-liners are only out-paced by the constant amount of women who want to have sex with him. He lives in a fantasy world where casinos are called "The Fellatio" and women all over the world can't wait to get on their knees to please him.

    It's a joke. Its hoary old stereotypes taken to the highest level. The game is filled to the brim with its cartoony love of itself, from gaining health by signing autographs to having half a dozen idle animations while Duke poses in a mirror talking about how amazing he is. It's God damn Looney Tunes with a M-rating on the front. You literally can't go 10 minutes without running into a gag or an Easter egg.

    Of course there are gonna be people who take it all at face value and don't see the joke(despite the game basically SCREAMING it at you every opportunity it gets), but what of it? The fact they don't even realize the game is mocking the very "knuckle-lugging troglodytes" that are eating it up makes the satire even more potent, I think.

    The women can't be replaced with children, or minorities, or autistic minority orphans, because that goes against the entire idea of Duke Nukem. Duke isn't a racist, or a pedophile. His entire gimmick is his love of women, in a fantastical world where they all have large breasts and are helpless victims to the aliens he has to rescue. "Capture the Babe" could not be substituted by any other group, because it wouldn't make any sense within the rules established by the game.

    Do you have a right to be offended? Sure. You are who you are, with your own background and beliefs, likes and dislikes. Duke Nukem Forever isn't for everybody; it couldn't be, otherwise it wouldn't be Duke Nukem.

    At the same token, I have a right NOT to be offended, and to happily buy this game and not be looked down upon as a part of this "cesspool of humanity" and "cunts" your friend Rob Fahey so eagerly blanketed the DNF as, before all his creditability on this issue burst into tiny, pathetic flames on the ground. I can respect you, you can respect me in turn without any of the name-calling.

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    In all sincerity, thank you for such a thoughtful response – it's an excellent rejoinder. I appreciate it immensely, and I enjoyed reading it. 🙂

    I don't agree with everything you've said (obviously), but then, I guess guys like you aren't really the ones I'm worried about.

    As I've already said in the article and elsewhere, I'm not sure if it's the game itself that offends me so much as the social and cultural context that makes it okay – even a marketable feature, because it is – to objectify women in games.

    I think Duke Nukem Forever is a symptom of a problem, and not really the problem itself. That said, as a self-respecting woman, I guess I'm just a bit dismayed that a character like Duke Nukem even exists, and that he reminds me of people I've actually met.

    As you say, however, different backgrounds and beliefs, likes and dislikes. Thank you again for reading what I wrote, and thinking about it, anyway.

  • Jeremy

    Personally, I think that's one of the traits I admire about DNF, in its own way; how something that's clearly a joke can still be so close to home. I think that's one of the hallmarks of a good parody, how you can be amused by it, but then sit back and think, "My God…is it really like that?"

    Issues like sexism, racial diversity, and gaming innovation are all issues that still exist in the video game market, despite our advancements in technology and gaming being more popular than ever. I think it really says something that a series meant to parody video games back in 1996 can be ported over 15 years later, and still be a perfectly sound satire of the current climate.

    A lot of critics have written off DNF as juvenile, ancient pap from a bygone age, and that his parody of video gaming is no longer relevant. And yet, in a world where most action heroes are muscle-bound white guys, where women are mostly eye candy, where "Rated M for Mature" is just an excuse for more violence and sex with all the grace and depth of a Michael Bay film…is DNF brand of humor really so out of place?

    "My God…is it really like that?"

  • Tarryn van der Byl

    You're right about that, of course. I suppose it comes back to what I said earlier about the social and cultural context that more or less endorses this sort of stuff.

    I do think it's worth considering, though, that – for all its resolutely single dimensionality – that "muscle-bound white guy" is, as much as such a thing could be, a reasonably positive stereotype. Being assertive, resourceful, courageous, whatever – these are, generally speaking, quite positive character traits.

    Being eye-candy, though? Not so much.

    "I think it really says something that a series meant to parody video games back in 1996 can be ported over 15 years later, and still be a perfectly sound satire of the current climate."

    Sound, maybe. Relevant or necessary? I'm not sure.

  • Jeremy

    I'm not sure what products are necessary or not, but there are other things that DNF looks to deliver besides lap dances and ass slaps. The gameplay itself has a non-linear level design that embraces player exploration and inventiveness. It's designed in a way to make the fantasized universe feel more like an actual place, and its far more interactive then most of today's linear, corridor-driven, Call of Duty-inspired shooters. Furthermore, its littered with alternate gameplay ideas from the usual "shoot everybody in the room" formula. There's puzzles, basketball, pinball, truck-driving, jetpack platforming, shrink ray sections, late night TV show interviews; its an irreverent game right to its core, and the kind of title we really don't get very often these days. I don't know if its all necessary or relevant, but I'm damn glad it exists.

    I guess I'm just trying to explain the appeal of DNF besides just the novelty of it being so delayed or the surface level mockery. I'm so bored of games like Killzone 3 and Crysis 2, and I'm really ready for DNF to give me a taste of something different. If that includes ass-slapping, I'll just have to manage 😀

  • Fragster
  • Sycogrim

    /pokes James with cattle prod to provoke him. keke

    Ok as someone who has been a fan of the Duke Nukem series for, oh lets say the past 14years. I didn't think the dev's would turn to women abuse. I gotta agree with Tarryn on this one and all her points are entirely correct, it's just unethical however I will still purchase and play the game, not for the babe slapping, but because I'm a fan and always have been.

    The funny thing is, can you imagine if a woman was the one who designed that concept, just because of some fetish she likes…

    I'm just saying 😛

  • Sou1Co11ector

    WOW what a lot of feedback…

    Well I for one don't really care what Duke Nukem Forever does, uncensored violence against rabbits, racism, sexism or any other -ist or -ism you wish to attribute to some part of human behaviour or failure.

    Duke was never intended to have a message in the sense most people would want. It is simply the exploits of a male chauvinist, who hates aliens and saves women from their slimy tentacles.

    He kicks ass and chews bubblegum, but runs out of gum. He is the hero of 14 years ago we all have waited for, but due to some devs I really want to take a Devastator to, to make them see my point, Duke was delayed.

    More to the point. I will be buying Duke Nukem Forever, if I can't, then I will walk over your children, kick grannies and general do nasty stuff to get me a copy of the game.

  • Glitch21

    Why does that woman in the pic look so turned on

  • Ducky

    Duke Nukem forever, set up to be the most disappointing game ever made, the longest ever to be produced, the most offensive …. blah blah…. basically, who ARE these fabboi's that ACTUALLY want the game, me for one, enjoyed the first duke nukem, but find that all the hype, the little snippets here and there, it's like they've dumped fun for vomit.

    No Dice (ooooo a pun -)

  • DUKE

    cry for attention

  • The Real Duke Nukem

    Tarryn, Hail to the King, baby !! Shake it baby! Wanna Dance?

  • boramk

    I sued to not dig Tarryn. Then I realised, its just that we had a differing opinion on one matter.

    Oh, and she's smarter than most of you fucks

  • Adam FullMetal

    Again Tarryn has a viable argument, and as such the level of immaturity in this thread confounds me so. Every person has an opinion. It doesn't mean anything. At the end of the day, opinions are opinions. In truth, people should just 'go with the flow', so to speak and not get worked up over an article. There are more pressing issues across the globe (like the crisis in Libiya and the effects of the tsunami on Japan). Tarryn-bashing does nothing but confirm what Tarryn is trying to say. The dumbassery persists…

  • Hail to the King!

    So Melissa Miller is the lead producer. Shweet!!!

  • EffKay

    @ Duke Nukem.
    This may be a bit late all things considered but….

    Let's express this in another way: it's ALL ABOUT EQUALITY!
    If this were a gender reversed situation and Duke was the Duchess and all depictions of men in the game were small and weak and just ASKING to be beaten up and humiliated then … (phew is is it getting suddenly warm in here??) … ahem that would classified as "Kinky/Fetish/Hamster-n-DuctTape/Ballgag stuff and surely if Duke can do that to a "female sub-ject" then surely we can put a fem-dom game on the shelves next to it and poo-poo all the mother grundies like Tarryn for (a ridiculous I know) example right?
    This would be wailed as Androgyny and male-bashing and oh boo-hoo.. some men (I won't name any names) get a kick out of that HENCE all other men must just Shut the **** Up and just get into that kink if they want to be regarded as real men. Cause All Men are the same. Klaar.

    Now this is a ridiculous example that highlights the ASYMMETRY and if you ARE a "thinker" then you will have encountered that asymmetry is POWER and dominance with a hoity toity name and airs of grandeur. Like most sexists.

    To bring it all home: Fair by definition includes equality in measurable and potential factors.
    Gender bias is, in the lingua franca here, a "cheat" and a cheap tactic to use. It's an exploit of a system left behind long ago in the past and best left there.

    @ Tarryn
    I for one think this new angle on Duke is disgusting and it does fit the Neo-Classic Misogyny agenda to a T. If they wanted to be fair, provide the same mode with a Gender Reversal or a have "Gals vs. Guys" mode.

    See? There's a better idea already and none of it degrades anyone just for kicks (that kinda thing costs real money…)

    So if that's the best the Duke can come up with ,after 15 years of development, then Duke is best left a good memory of the platform game it once was.

    Which I have a copy of actually (1 and 2). Finished it but the story was a bit linear and the ending left me flat.

  • ReBoot

    Why can't women drive?
    Because there's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom
    Q: How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?
    A: When the old one expects you to "do your share"
    Why did God make woman last?
    He didn't want someone telling him what to do.
    Why do women get married in white?
    So they match the kitchen appliances!
    Why don't women wear watches?
    There's a clock on the stove.

Bitch-slapped in the face