The Independent Games Festival which is held every year invites indie developers who meet certain requirements to enter their games into the competition to earn top honours and forge a name for themselves in the game-development world.
Sometimes, though, not every game is good enough, big enough or…tasteful enough to be accepted.
Enter the Pirate Kart – a compilation of over 300 indie games from a hundred or so indie developers that stretch the definition of “gaming” to its most extreme limits.
It’s all completely legal (despite what the name implies) and comes in a whopping 1.4GB package which is downloadable from numerous sources.
The concept of the Pirate Kart is easy enough; not every game is IGF-level – but there’s nothing to say that, once combined, there isn’t something there that will make waves on the indie scene.
The Pirate Kart is essentially a browser, giving you access to hundreds of games of varying quality, length and political correctness. That is to say, there is a lot of randomness going on in this compilation, and not all of it is good.
In fact, most of it is pretty damn bad.
Using the Pirate Kart’s random game selection feature, we played through as many games as we could stomach to give you an idea of what we’re working with.
Please note, the content to follow is not for the faint of heart.
Great Star Fusion
This game…doesn’t really do much at all. A bunch of blocks fly towards the centre of the screen and merge with the…stuff? And that’s pretty much it.
A good start, then.
Graveyard Graveyard Revolution
The game tasks you with walking through a graveyard in all your greyscale, 8-bit glory, examining the gravestones.
The catch?
Every gravestone initiates a Dance Dance Revolution sequence of hitting the right arrows in time to the music, while your sprite literally dances on people’s graves.
Classy. Hilarious.
Hero’s Adventure
This RPG parody starts out like any RPG, with a young child going on an adventure – with his parents being all “lol have fun!”
As you travel into the forest, you kill a rat! Nasty rat!
Then you happen across a cat. Obviously it was rabid, or something, right?
Following that, you then get to slaughter…a bunny? Uhm…moving along…
Giant Doll Velcro Technicolour Sticky Show
Then things started getting a bit weird.
The game’s description reads “You’re a new contestant on the new hit Japanese game show; the objective of the game is to stick colourful Velcro stickers onto the inanimate doll. Each time you get the sticker on the doll, there is a chance that a demon will posses it an-“
Wait, what?
Unko’s Adventure in Magical Land
In this game, you guide a piece of poop (yup) across a magical and mostly pink land (oh yes), past candy canes and unicorns (I kid you not)…to the toilet.
On second thoughts, this isn’t weird at all – that’s usually how my toilet breaks go.
Encycolpedia Fuckme
I’m not making a swear! That’s the name of the game. Seriously.
This is a “choose your own adventure” game about a cannibal lesbian who is trying to eat you. Like, literally eat you.
The words used in this thankfully text-only “adventure” are hilariously explicit, but also completely and utterly disturbing.
So much so, I had to play through three times.
I’m not quite sure what to make of this.
Dog Push 2000
By this point, I realised this compilation was trolling me.
And the rest…
With over 300 titles to get through, it’s impossible to do a comprehensive exposition, but here are a few “honourable” mentions that I stumbled across:
Rape a Scientist – mostly not as disturbing as the name implies.
Run, you fucker! – about as classy as the name implies.
Sexy Missile Command – definitely not as sexy as the name implies.
A world without Hunger: A pretentious art game – not as arty as the name implies.
You have to knock the penis – you do pretty much exactly what the name implies.
Piss Christ: The Game – uuuhm…I think that’s enough for this year.
You may be wondering what the point of The Pirate Kart actually is, but really, the point is exactly what you read above.
Even though I only had to probably select a few games to talk about, I sat up until 2am clicking on “random game” just to see what hideous mess would pop up next.
Sometimes I would laugh, sometimes I would be pleasantly surprised – other times I would stare blankly in utter confusion.
Whatever the case, I could not stop.
Either the Pirate Kart is the ultimate collective package for a whole lot of silliness turned into something brilliant – or it’s the biggest troll the indie game festival has ever seen.
If you have the time, bandwidth and stomach for it, you can get the Pirate Kart here.
The Pirate Kart – Indie Developers go wild << Comments and views
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