5 worst moms in gaming

Mom won’t let you go out with friends tonight? No, you can’t have that new game! Brush your teeth! Eat your vegetables!

If you think you’ve got it bad because your mom still dresses you and embarrasses you in front of your friends by showing them photos of you in the bath as a kid – stop, and think again, because it could be much, much worse.

Never has the term “your mom” been so apt as a descriptor for pure evil, neglect and absence as with these 5 examples of the worst mothers in gaming.

"I just asked for a sandwich!"

Pokemom

Man, living out in the real world on your own is pretty tough. There’s rent to be paid, taxes, petrol, food – a whole bunch of things we have to deal with.

Now imagine if you were 12, and your mom all but boots you out the house to go on a world adventure full of dangerous creatures that could kill you in an instant.

“All boys leave home some day.” Really mom? Are you sure I can’t wait another 10 years or so? I mean, I’m 12, I haven’t even got my big boy hair yet. Mom? Hello? Are you listening?

Of course she’s not.

If you’re unfortunate enough to come across a Duskull on your adventures, you’re doomed. According to its Pokedex entry: “If it finds bad children who won’t listen to their parents, it will spirit them away. It loves the crying of children.”

So in the Pokemon world, your mom sends you out at the age of 12, and if you say no, or cry out of the fear of being a 12 year old alone in the world, Duskull comes to ‘spirit’ you away. (Read: kill the hell out of you.)

And that’s not even the worst fate awaiting all the 12 years olds alone in the world. Thanks Pokemom!

Author of "Cooking with kids"

Dalhia Gillespie

Getting woken up early on Sundays to be fielded off to church may seem like a schlep, but hey, at least you’re not being burned alive as part of a dark ritual to birth a malevolent god.

That’s what happened to Silent Hill’s Alessa Gillespie, after her mother, Dalhia – who’s the leader of a cult called “The Order” – decided she’d rather have a braai than a daughter.

To be fair, if you run your own cult, you’re probably a bad example for motherhood to begin with – and if your only child then starts exhibiting telekinetic abilities, you kind of just have to assume that brutally murdering her is the passage to resurrecting god.

To make matters worse, even though she failed to successfully grill her daughter, the ritual was a success. So Dalhia then kept Alessa alive for seven years, because, even though she still had the foetus of the evil god inside her, she couldn’t deliver it.

So, quick recap – impregnate your only daughter with an evil deity by burning her alive, then keep her burnt and tortured body alive for seven more years of endless suffering.

It’s okay, mom, I’ll get up for church.

Moms put name-tags on everything.

J.E.N.O.V.A.

Sometimes we feel like our moms are from another planet – in Sephiroth’s case, his mom was actually from another planet.

While Jenova never gave birth the Final Fantasy’s most popular antagonist (that’s an “honour” held by the rather unfortunate Lucrecia, who was part of the experiment), that never stopped him from going all batty and trying to reclaim the world for his ‘mother’ after he learned he was full of her genes.

Known as the “calamity from the skies”, Jenova is an alien being that lands on planets and then starts killing every life-form there. Once the planet has been destroyed, she uses it to travel to another planet to repeat the process. And you thought your mom’s bad moods were tough.

Even when she’s not technically active, her cells, when spread into other lifeforms, create monsters – and when inserted into people, her genes manipulate the memories and thoughts of a person which ultimately leads their immune system to turn against itself, resulting in death.

I bet you appreciate your mother more now, huh?

"Call me crazy one more time..."

Alma Wade

So your mom has eyes behind her head and knows that you hid those veggies under that serviette? That’s cool. Alma Wade from the F.E.A.R. series has actual super abilities.

It’s just a bit of a pity that she’s also psychotic, violent and crazy.

When Alma was 15, she was artificially impregnated as part of nasty experiments, and when her resultant son, Paxton Fettal, turned 10, she melded her mind with his – which subsequently turned him into a crazy, violent man. This is bad parenting right here, folks.

After Alma was ‘killed’, Fettal sort of calmed down and stuff – except evil people never stay dead, and when Alma was awakened, Fettal suddenly decided he wanted to kill and cannibalize people, and suffered a complete psychotic breakdown.

Alma had another son – who didn’t even get a name (so that he couldn’t develop a personality and identity), had his memory wiped and then he was shipped off for military training.

She’s also known for raping men. Seriously, you think your mom’s difficult to deal with?

Child-bearing hips don't equate to child-rearing capabilities

You

Obviously we’d make better parents. Obviously.

Except we don’t.

A few games shove you into the role of being a mom – and ultimately, we kind of suck.

In the Sims, having kids is part of the game and part of the process – but Sims moms aren’t very good. A natural motherly instinct is to put the needs of your child above your own; yet, in the Sims, you have no qualms putting your baby on the ground next to the pool as you rush over to the loo.

Baby crying? That’s okay, you’re chilling, watching TV – ignore it, maybe it will stop. Even as your babies grow into toddlers and children, you’ll be too focused on doing other nonsense – you probably won’t even realise that their grades have slipped and they’ve gone to military school.

In Fable, you’re also given the opportunity to become a mom – and let’s face it, a responsible mother wouldn’t be off shooting zombies, skeleton warriors and bandits while little Jimmy waits at home.

Talk about being an absent mother – you should all be ashamed!

Can you think of any other bad gaming moms? Be sure you show your mom your appreciation for not being sacrificed/murdered/abandoned by treating her REALLY well this mother’s day!

Related articles

Jou ma se favourite gadget gifts

5 cool games that slow down time

Top 5 cancelled games that should be made

Top 5 sleeper hits

Forum discussion
Partners
asus

Join the conversation

  • shamrock

    Reminds me of a Cracked format article.

  • Anhur

    And what about Adria???

FREE NEWSLETTER
5 worst moms in gaming

Related posts

Top