From within the throngs of this dark place called The Internet comes forth the most retarded, penis-fuelled excuse for gaming ever: GameCrush.com.

GameCrush, which was launched this week, has a different take on playing games online. The idea is that gamers will be able to purchase time to play with female gamers. The customer is referred to as the Player (See what they did there?! There’s a little pimp in all of us it seems) and the poor woman on the other side is called the PlayDate.

According to the site, sessions start off at a whopping $6.60 for ten minutes. That’s roughly R50 – R60.

Now as appealing as the notion of donating your right kidney for the chance to VOIP and play Tekken with a random woman for a couple of minutes over Xbox Live is, would anyone ever admit to or recommend using this service? Maybe the quiet guy in class who killed his neighbour’s cats and put small mammals in the microwave.

Maybe I’m being harsh ’cause I get to play videogames with models, in person and not random woman in another country.

But it’s not just that. The pricing structure is supposedly based on the cost of buying a drink for a girl in a bar. There’s one major flaw to their pricing structure that’s completely different from buying a drink for a girl in a bar: At a bar, she’s right in front of you and probably lives in the area. Which means you can get her number and have a second date. You know, maybe some Chinese or something.

On GameCrush.com she’s possibly in Croatia. And suffering from shellshock. Without a phone. And a very expensive plane ticket between the two of you. But don’t worry, once you’ve sold your kidneys for the initial conversation, you’ll always have your liver. That should cover the cost of stroking her blond war-torn hair.

Grant Hinds is the presenter for GameState, South Africa, if not the world’s, greatest online TV Show. He’d rather use Xbox LIVE to play videogames and thinks the real world (and Facebook) are better places to chat up girls.

Grant playing Wii Boxing with District 9 actress Vanessa Haywood

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