I’m a Gears of War fan. A superfan. An entire half of my desk is covered in a complex and magnificent diorama of Locust and Gears, meticulously posed and positioned in glorious re-enactment of some of the finer moments of the games – that is, totally shooting the **** out of each other. I’ve played both games through more than I can count, I know all the stupid dialogue by heart, and I’m totally secretly totally crushing on Marcus Fenix.
Obviously, I’ve been hyped for Gears of War 3 since the two seconds or so after completing Gears of War 2, and the recent dribble of details from Epic about the game has had me all up in my shameless fangirl for moremoremore. Gears of War 2 was an improvement over the original in every way, and I’m expecting the third to do the same for the second. Here’s how:
Berserkers and emergence holes back, please
I get that Epic decided to put the Berserkers away for one game, because they’re just too awesome to deploy twice in a row without melting people’s faces. But now they can come back. And if they’re now the size of Brumaks due to Imulsion exposure, so much the better for it. As for emergence holes, these things made for some of the most instantly rewarding play in the first game – BAM! NO MORE LOCUST! They turned up, like, three times in the sequel. Uncool.
Kryll back, please
This one gets its own heading because it’s that important.
More unique executions
The truth is, everyone plays Gears of War because of the outrageous violence. The execution manoeuvres are the stuff of every secret sociopath’s dreams, and every weapon deserves its own. I mean, no Boom Shot execution? How about kicking the other guy to the ground, making some bold declaration about his mother and General RAAM, ingeniously inserting the word “BOOM!” in there with a vulgar roll of the hips somewhere, and then dashing their brains out onto the gravel in super slow motion while a swarm of Kryll (they’re back, see) blot out the sky, and a Wretch howls in the distance, its cry a bitter paean to your consummate brutality? I have other (even better!) ideas, and I charge reasonable hourly rates (Cliff Bleszinski, you can contact me through MyGaming, thanks).
Lose the chick, seriously
People often assume that, because I’m a girl, I like girl game characters. I don’t. Most girl game characters are nothing much more than vapid, contemptible excuses to include boobs into games.
And most of that is okay, but one of the things that’s always worked for Gears of War is its absurdly exaggerated machismo. Now there’s going to be a she-Gear in improbable she-Gear armour flouncing around with Delta Squad, doubtless making all sorts of vapid, contemptible observations about absolutely nothing, and working some kind of ridiculous romance with Marcus with all the subtlety of a Hammer of Dawn. What would Gears of War be without all that terrible, unspoken desire gnawing at the spaces between Marcus and Dom, anyway? Anya should stay on the comms where she belongs.
Traingun
Obviously someone missed a memo somewhere, and Traingun didn’t make it into Gears of War 2.I also have some amazing ideas for execution manoeuvres.
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