This game will help you get laid

Just as you got your hipster look all sorted out, a new trend has rolled into town and knocked your style into fashion obscurity – the lumbersexual.

That’s right kids, if you like following movements in the hopes of becoming desirable, then you need to look like a lumberjack.

According to posts on the subject by Elite Daily and Cosmopolitan, looking like a lumberjack is where its at.

What is “it” you ask? I have no idea, but you want to be there.

Being a lumberjack means you have a beard; wear checkered flannel shirts; drink whiskey and beer; know how to chop down a 300-ton Redwood by hand; and have a stylish haircut. Tatoos are optional, but advised.

According to what I’ve read in the past week, and from what I have been told by straight girls and a gay guy, a man who looks like a lumberjack will be beating off the admirers with a stick (or the handle of his axe) in today’s world.

Apparently the beard, faux aura of toughness, and a bit of chest hair out the top of a shirt drives the ladies wild and forces guys to either admire you or cover their crotch with a book.

This line on CBC.ca sums up the completely unrealistic – and most likely drug-induced – expectations of what the “lumbersexual” is.

“He is bar-hopping, but he looks like he could fell a Norway Pine. He looks like a man of the woods, but works at The Nerdery, programming for a healthy salary and benefits. His backpack carries a MacBook Air, but looks like it should carry a lumberjack’s axe.”

Damn, our generation is all kinds of messed up. But if you can’t beat them, join them.

Lumberjack for beginners

Lumberjack for beginners

What does this have to do with video games and getting laid, though?

Well, the getting laid part we have covered, and now we will explain the video game angle.

Bandai Namco is publishing Professional Lumberjack 2015, which you will be able to download for PC. The publisher will also release Professional Lumberjack 2016, in case the lumbersexual trend is still in vogue next year.

The game will see you cutting down trees, preparing timber, dressing in flannel, and growing a sweet beard.

Lumberjack vehicles will also be available for you to ride around in, in case you need a break from jumping across logs while rescuing squirrels.

Although the games’ release dates have not been set, we suggest you start preparing for the title. Start growing your beard, buy forest-resistant clothing, and get ready to learn how to be a lumberjack.

And in case you are still unsure as to how a lumberjack looks and acts, here is a great example.

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