PC gamers – take a hike, we don’t want your kind here [April Fools]

MyGaming is like any other business: we have a target market who we need to keep happy in order to survive.

That target market is the knowledgeable gamer who enjoys playing some Battlefield or Shadow of Mordor when he or she isn’t working, raising a family, or spending time with friends.

Unfortunately, rich PC gamers do not fall into this category and therefore we have decided to no longer cover PC gaming and hardware news on the site.

This article will explain the rationale behind the decision.

PC gaming is for the rich elite

PC gaming has been, and always will be, for the rich elite.

With graphics cards like the Nvidia GeForce GTX Titan X costing in excess of R16,000, top-of-the-line Intel Core i7s selling for close to R5,000, and gaming RAM more expensive than a PlayStation 4 console, most gamers can only dream of gaming in 1440p or 4K at 60fps.

In fact, the small, spoiled group is so tiny that any time and money we put into reporting about PC gaming on the site is not justified in terms of how many reads we receive.

It is also a moral issue.

While most of us work long hours just to be able to afford a second DualShock 4 controller or a copy of Metal Gear Solid, you arrogant PC gamers sit at home all day ordering your servants around while playing Dota 2.

Dota 2 isn’t even that fun.

The space required for a high-end PC setup means PC gamers also have large, luxurious houses which their parents bought them for their 21st birthday.

While us console gamers rent garden cottages and flats, PC gamers have entire rooms dedicated to gaming – all with air-conditioning and slushy machines.

The image below shows us what an “average PC gaming setup” looks like. The owner of this rig was called poor, and banned from buying games on Steam for one month after posting this photo.

You call yourself the Master Race

Irrespective of the origin of the term – whether it be in jest or meant sarcastically – PC gamers think they are the masters of gaming.

They’re always posting the poorly-drawn, yellow Master Race memes – as seen below – in reply to educated, measured comments about console gaming.

You see, growing up very rich, PC gamers were always told they were right by their servants and maids, so do not have any conflict resolution skills.

It’s also why they refer to everyone else as peasants – they truly believe the class system still exists.

The term is also indicative of their perceived superiority to gamers not like them.

There was a guy who used the term Master Race before PC gaming became popular – it was Hitler.

PC gamers are like Hitler.

PC gaming is a money-making scheme

The other thing that really grinds my gears is how PC gaming requires you to buy and configure dozens of components before you can enjoy a title.

With my PlayStation 4, I bought the console, bought a game, put in the disc, and it all worked.

PC gaming is a ridiculously long and expensive by comparison – as detailed below.

How to play a PC game

1. Buy a case
2. Buy a power supply
3. Buy a motherboard
4. Buy RAM
5. Buy a hard drive
6. Buy a graphics card
7. Buy a CPU
8. Sell motherboard and buy a new motherboard because CPU not compatible with former socket
9. Buy extra fans, with LEDs
10. Buy water cooling
11. Pay someone to install water cooling because you are scared of destroying new PC
12. Buy an optical drive
13. Buy a keyboard
14. Buy a mouse
15. Buy gaming headphones
16. Buy a monitor
17. Shout at servant because monitor was delivered one day late
18. Buy operating system.
19. Stare silently at PC case after PC does not turn on
20. Open case and connect power supply to motherboard
21. Close case and switch on PC
22. Shout “oh, for f*** sakes” when PC starts beeping and won’t boot
23. Open case and swap RAM sticks around
24. Close case and successfully turn on PC
25. Install operating system
26. Install drivers and firmware for hardware
27. Swear at PC case after realising you wanted RAID 0 setup and did not configure it
28. Set up router and Internet connection
29. Insert and install Watch Dogs
30. Click “Play” in Watch Dogs
31. Spend 4 hours reading Ubisoft forums about why Watch Dogs won’t work.
32. Close Watch Dogs
33. Install Minecraft
34. Play Minecraft

In closing

In summary, from today, 1 April 2015, MyGaming will no longer cover PC gaming news.

Goodnight and good luck PC gamers.

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