Orcs Must Die 2 review

The thing about orcs, you see, is that they must die. They must die. They must die. They must die. It is not for us to question why orcs must die, for so it is, so it has always been, and so it shall be forever more. Also, they keep rushing straight into my traps, so that works out rather nicely for everybody, I think.

Dropping just ten months after Orcs Must Die, you’d probably expect that the sequel is more like an expansion than a brand new game, and you wouldn’t be entirely wrong about that. It’s the same graphics, the same core gameplay, even the same music, but there’s also loads of new stuff that makes this one bigger and better in pretty much every way. Besides, as we’ve already discussed, orcs must die, so it’s a necessarily ongoing thing – and when you’re done with the campaign, the new Endless mode awaits.

Much like the first game, Orcs Must Die 2 is basically a combo of third person action and tower defence, that puts you in between a horde of stampeding orcs and an exit point. The idea is to stop these two things from getting too close together, and that’s presumably why your magic pockets are full of purpose-built appliances and heavy machinery to help preclude that unhappy contingency. I think they’re magic pockets.

I don’t know where else that gigantic swinging mace might have come from. I… don’t really want to think about it.

You have my sword. And my bow. And my level 3 wall-mounted acid sprayers.

The sequel adds two player co-op for all modes, which is probably the most significant change from its predecessor, although it also means the game is that much harder – an intimidating prospect considering the difficulty spikes (not to be confused with the floor spikes) the first time around. Be warned, this game is hard-hard.

Teaming up with our hero the War Mage, the erstwhile villain-turned-reluctant-partner Sorceress makes for an entirely different gameplay experience, with a focus on ranged combat with a charming twist. And by “charming”, I do mean “charming”, because her starting weapon, the appropriately-named Sceptre of Domination, features an alt-attack that transforms enemies into temporary allies that instantly attract everybody else nearby and explode when they’re killed. Brilliant.

Most of the traps, gear, and upgrades are the same for both characters – and can be reconfigured at any time using the hot new “Refund Skulls” option – which means you can try every conceivable combination of tactics until you work out that, in between the spring trap and the brimstone trap, you’re totally sorted.

Then, just when you think you’re totally sorted, the Bilebats turn up. You’ll hate Bilebats. I bet that heap of dead archers I spent a fortune hiring hated them too.

The game’s relentless difficulty and variable environments mean that a single strategy will only get you through one or two levels before you have to rethink everything, and discovering innovative new ways to combine traps to maximum effect is a huge part of what makes Orcs Must Die 2 so totally compelling. There’s always a better way to do it.

Spring traps. Ruling everything since 2011.

This isn’t a mine, it’s a tomb.

Finishing levels bags you a bunch skulls (up to five, depending on your completion time and how many orcs manage to get past you), that you can swap for new traps, gear, and upgrades. Unlike the first game, though, you’ll also get extra skulls for special things like avoiding damage or adding another 1,000 or 5,000 kills to your career score, and you can replay a level to get more of these. The number of extra skulls increases with the game’s difficulty setting, so you’ll get two extra skulls for not taking damage on War Mage difficulty, but five for pulling the same trick on Nightmare.

Orcs. Must. Die.

In just over a week, I’ve already clocked more than 30 hours playing this game, and I won’t be stopping there. That’s just the thing about orcs, you see. They must die.

And we’re so close to the top.

If you loved the first game, or you’ve never heard of it but you’re simply looking for something a bit different to Generic Faceshooter 9 until Generic Faceshooter 10 launches, I cannot recommend Orcs Must Die 2 enough. And if you’re undecided, it’s only just over a hundred bucks, so get it anyway.