Poor Dante really does have a lot on his plate. Not only has his dearly beloved Beatrice been dragged half-naked down into the underworld by Lucifer himself, but he’s just found out that all this raping and pillaging he’s been up to during the Crusades is actually frowned upon by the powers that be. He’s also had a bit of a tiff with the Grim Reaper himself (read: sliced ol’ Death in half with his own scythe), and completely misread ‘The Divine Comedy’ poem on which his journey into the 9 Circles of Hell is based.
Oh dear.
Fortunately our unfortunate hero doesn’t have to rely on any leaps of faith where gameplay mechanics are concerned, as they’re all quite shamelessly nicked from the God of War series. So much so, in fact, that if you squint you’d be forgiven for thinking that Dante’s Inferno is an independent studio’s God of War DLC entitled “Kratos’ Humdrum Holiday in Hades”.
Though, while comparisons to the aforementioned granddaddy of epic pseudo-mythological adventures are inevitable, we’ll give downtrodden Dante a break and review his foray on its own merits. Or lack thereof.
Gameplay revolves around traditional weak and strong attacks from the third-person viewpoint; though the frustratingly immovable camera spends most of its time frolicking between the fourth, fifth, and eighty-seventh-person perspective. Various types of magic accompany Dante’s melee blows, but like the blocks, counters, and single-button-bashing combos, these are standard fare and nothing really spectacular to behold, let alone use against enemies.
Various sinners encountered on Dante’s trip to the underworld can be either punished or absolved, depending on whether the player decides to follow the Holy or Unholy character development path. As per genre norm, Holy/goody-two-shoes focuses more on defensive abilities and protection, while Unholy/pretty-much-still-goody-two-shoes adds a few more offensive combos and some extra angry grunting. Neither path really affects the gameplay to any great degree, and the lack of any remarkably innovative moves or combos (apart from the effective ‘Bash Square Until Fingers Bleed’) makes choosing one or the other a matter best left to a coin toss rather than one’s moral compass.
The different Circles are varied visually and come equipped with slightly differing bad guys, although some are just way too over the top to the point of being laughable: try obese blubber demons who fling excrement, a giant, undead Cleopatra who spawns blade-wielding babies from her nipples, or gaunt she-demons who gob-smackingly spew forth tentacles from between their legs.
Some environments are equally as ridiculous, such as the excessive Greed stage with awful golden rivers, or climbing walls made up of the damned who moan monotonously as Dante traverses them. Some level-specific bosses impressed us though, such as a remarkably vile looking Cerberus, but these are ultimately let down by their kitschy, clichéd teammates.
The excessive amount of nudity in the game is just as feeble. Busty Beatrice really has no qualms about being topless almost all of the time, even during the loading screens, but none of this is ever really necessary and is tantamount to using Pamela Anderson to advertise automatic washing powder. Compared to the more mature use of sex in games like Mass Effect 2, the extra skin in Dante’s Inferno seems like it would be more at home alongside the puerile bum-wobbling in Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball or dispensed in some kinky form from a Japanese vending machine.
Overall, while we’ve tried hard not to draw parallels between the respective quests of Dante and Kratos, the bottom line is that God of War does everything bigger, better, and with far more ingenuity. While Dante’s Inferno features some impressive backdrops, a very smooth framerate, and an epic premise on paper, Kratos’ journey to battle the great mythological gods captures the scale of its story’s intent far better than Dante’s excessive boobage or projectile-vomiting slob-monsters.
Bottom line? If Kratos is Brad Pitt in ‘Troy’, Dante is Dolph Lundgren in its B-grade straight-to-DVD sequel. And, with the release of God of War 3 just around the corner, and the similar though excellent Darksiders available right now, we recommend you wait for a cold day in hell (or at least a copy in the bargain bin) before picking up Dante’s Inferno.
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