When videogames tap into boring old clichés and cyphers, use exhausted old conversations, and collapse with under the weight of their predictability, a part of me wants to smack the developers silly.
You’d think that the idea of alien technology blended with the concept of mercenary thieves and spiced up with a little third-person co-op play would deliver a delicious gaming gumbo to your door.
It doesn’t.
Instead you will have a few joyous spurts of excitement followed by that feeling you’ve done this all before somewhere else, and probably with a bit more enthusiasm.
Perhaps it is because I was weaned on Half Life and then spent some time forming deep and meaningful relationships with Doom and Duke and Mass Effect.
Perhaps this penchant for well thought out storylines and believable characters (Duke may be a pig, but he’s a believable one) is a bit too optimistic in this day and age.
It seems like the industry is doing more than gagging for gender equality, it desperately needs writers who can create interesting storylines that don’t fit into some generic formula.
Just look at the zest pumped into the flagging Tomb Raider franchise from the pen of Rhianna Pratchett. That beautiful and epic title had me playing until 2am again; it was addictive and fun and wonderful.
Since then I’ve had an unfortunate list of dismal failures of which, sadly, Fuse is one.
“I should go.”
This is not to say that the game fails on the technical level. It doesn’t. Unlike The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct, this title is sturdy on the mechanics and kind to the those learning the various controls.
The game flows seamlessly from one moment to the next without rookie errors or glaringly poor code. In short, I didn’t get irritated with stupid game mechanics, characters stuck in walls (hello, Star Trek. No, I am still not over what you did to me), or ridiculously easy fights.
Which brings me, rather neatly, to the fantastically insane array of weaponry handed to you throughout Fuse. There are guns and gadgets here that will have you lovingly stroke your controller and race off to find some idiot to gleefully shoot.
Lovely, loud, messy and fun. That accurately describes the weapons you have at your disposal.
Then there are some genuinely funny moments in the game, especially when the crew have bursts of bonding every now and again. I laughed and laughed and laughed at the fear of cats dialogue. I did.
Then I got sucked back down into the miasma of sameness.
“Oh look, a cat!”
The set pieces are not quite at the level where you go, “Ooooh”. The things you have to do to get to them are sometimes a little on the tedious side (if I see one more barrier that I need to hurdle over I may just flush my Xbox down the loo).
I found myself pining for some more of that sparky dialogue as I progressed throughout the game.
Overall, I cannot give Fuse a hearty thumbs up review that will see you leap over barriers to buy it. If you fancy a bit of solid shoot-em-up fun that has a whiff of drudgery attached, then this is for you.
It is not, by far, the worst game to come out this year. In fact, it sits at a steady middle ground. Not too good and not too bad – sometimes I think that is the worst thing you can say about a game.
Considering that Fuse is going at full AAA pricing (around R600 on PS3 and Xbox 360) this might just be one to skip, or pick up at the bargain bin a few months on.
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