Sorry guys and girls, not much time for a full review. Must get back to playing God of War 3. Should probably also find time to empty bedpan beside couch. Oh, and eat. Perhaps even bathe. Can brainstorm more sick day excuses while I’m at it. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Anyway, better be off, got to slay the king of the Gods and exact bloody vengeance and all that. But you should definitely buy God of War 3. It’s awesome. Easily a 9/10. Okay? Cool. Later.
Editor’s note
As this is all we could manage out of (ex) reviewer Dan Parmenter, I had a go at reviewing God of War 3 myself. Fortunately not being the fanboy that our now-unemployed action game reviewer is I managed to avoid being sucked that deeply into Kratos’ latest and final adventure in the highly acclaimed God of War series.
But just barely.
Yes, the epic closing chapter of one of console gaming’s most renowned franchises is here, and it’s every bit as violent, entertaining, and enthralling as we were led to believe. Refining a proven formula in every department from visuals to combat mechanics, from camera movement to sheer magnitude, God of War 3 claws and maims its way all the way to the top to claim its rightful place as one of the PS3’s most spectacular titles.
The first half hour of the game has to be one of the most impressive opening sequences we’ve ever seen: Kratos picks up where he left off, riding a giant Titan and scaling Mount Olympus to finally put an end to Zeus. In this short time span, players will find themselves traversing a creature the size of a large skyscraper, dishing out a few intense combo sessions against demon grunts, and navigating several quick time events to topple one of Zeus’ impossibly large cronies. This intro serves not only as a brief tutorial to the game, but as a tasty, jaw-dropping hors d’oeuvre of things to come.
It also doesn’t take long to realize that everything has been finely tuned from the last time we got to enjoy dismembering the mythological hordes of hell. Combat flows even more effortlessly than before, and this is made even better by allowing Kratos to switch between each of his four weapons on the fly. One minute you’re dealing death in a whirlwind of the Blades of Exile, the next you’re yanking out souls with the Claws of Hades, and the next you’re sucker punching a Minotaur with the super-badass Nemean Cestus steel gloves. It’s also a cinch to chuck in dodges and counters mid-combo, so button bashers and hardcore combatants alike can wage war to their satisfaction.
God of War is nothing without visceral, excessive violence, and the third chapter in Kratos’ journey delivers enough to turn weaker gamers’ stomachs upside-down and surely provide a mountain of paperwork for the poor ESRB rating guys. Heads are torn from bloodied bodies slowly and complete with splitting skin and muscle, eyes are gouged out with a demon’s own horn, bellies are slit and guts are spilled, bones are crunched loudly and proudly, and faces are pounded in so excruciatingly slowly it’s almost obscene.
There are a lot of finer touches that make God of War 3 the AAA title it’s touted to be. One that impressed us was that it takes only a couple of minutes between first inserting the game disc and spilling the innards of an unfortunate footsoldier. This is thanks to the lack of a game install, a remarkable feat considering the size of the game overall is 35GB. Load times are barely noticeable too, an often overlooked factor in action games where pacing is so crucial.
We’ve also finally decided that we like quick time events. Yes, the reflex-driven, button-pounding annoyances that make most gamers cringe are actually implemented rather well in God of War 3. Instead of appearing in and around the centre of the screen as with most titles, here the buttons appear at the corresponding screen corners along with a faded edge to let the player know what to press without taking their eyes from the action. It’s a small thing really, but something that made us realise that even these seemingly insignificant aspects of the game were well thought out and attended to.
Fixed cameras in these type of games are often the cause for much bitching and frustration, and although the perspective in God of War 3 is not always perfect, the way that it pans in and out at all the right times and highlights certain play aspects make it pleasantly useful. For example, when Kratos squeezes between a gap, the camera pulls in tight with plenty of perspective blur, and when he’s in the larger outdoor areas the camera knows exactly when to pull in for the combat and when to pull out for those holy-crap-this-game-is-enormous shots.
As with the first two games in the series, gameplay isn’t just about maiming wave after wave of hapless foes. There’s plenty of swimming, flying, creature riding, and puzzle solving, all of which feel like part of the story and not bolted in mini-games betraying the laziness of a slack developer. While not offering as many puzzles as its predecessors, God of War 3 still manages to strike an effective balance between all of its elements, so no player will feel either over- or underwhelmed.
On the techie side, Kratos’ now quadrupled polygon count does not disappoint in the slightest. Muscle flexes under the strain of a difficult ascent, blood splatters juicily from his blades, and some environments must be seen to be believed. While other epic adventures such as Uncharted 2 may best God of War 3 ever so slightly in terms of pure graphical prowess, the drool-worthy richness of our hero’s movement, excellent mythologically-correct art direction, and the unmatched size of most of the bosses and architecture inch Kratos ahead of Nathan Drake.
While we could harp on for another few thousand words regaling all of the game’s plus points, there were a few issues that knocked our score down a few notches.
Disappointingly, the narrative is nowhere near as coherent as with God of War 2 (our personal favourite in the series in this regard). While things start out strong, we found a large portion of the middle of the game to feel a bit unmotivated, and at times a little misguided. While this reinforces the fact that Kratos is indeed on a somewhat mindless rampage for revenge, we can’t help feeling that the story should’ve at least been on par with that of its older brothers.
We also feel rather ambivalent about… well, practically everything in the game overall. Sony have, without doubt, created the sequel that every fan was begging for, but there’s not exactly a ton of completely new content. Most would argue that messing about with a formula that is so obviously brilliant would be foolish, and die-hard fans would no doubt cry sacrilege at the mere mention of any changes from what they know and love, but as gamers it feels like the developers could’ve taken one or two teeny tiny little risks. Then again, if we were the developers with mouths to feed and bills to pay, we probably would’ve done the same.
Whether or not it bothers you that God of War 3 is more of the same though (albeit a highly tweaked, meticulously polished, and super-duper fun version), there’s no denying the fact that this is quite simply one of the PS3’s most spectacular gaming experiences, and a fitting end to Kratos’ saga. The monumental set pieces, the visual quality that leaves you needing new underpants elastic, the plentiful extra content, and the hateful and violent urges of the troubled protagonist all combine and channel wonderfully into the hands of players who wish to know what it feels like to be the true God of War.
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