An objective game review – GTA 5

You can’t tell one game that it is worse than another: just think of how you could affect that game’s self-esteem.

Tell all games they are equal. Tell all gamers that all games are equal. And when the games go into the world all on their own and are torn apart and disillusioned by their lack of success, pretend you don’t know them and let the sands of time cover their rotting corpses.

Joystiq has, to a less sarcastic degree, bought into the whole “we aren’t giving games a numerical score” vibe, as detailed in a long post.

“Between pre-release reviews, post-release patching, online connectivity, server stability, and a myriad of other unforeseeable possibilities, attaching a concrete score to a new game just isn’t practical. More importantly, it’s not helpful to our readers,” said the gaming publication.

Seeing as MyGaming is a progressive, cutting-edge institution, we are quick to jump on international trends. It also seems, of late, that having a view on anything is strictly un-PC.

If people wanted to read worthless opinions they would just go onto Twitter, not visit a respected gaming publication.

It is with this in mind that we present to: GTA 5: An Objective Game Review.

Grand Theft Auto V

GTA 5 is an open-world game developed by Rockstar North and published by Rockstar Games. Rockstar is owned by Take-Two Interactive, which has no financial interests in MyGaming or its parent company.

It is available on PS4, PS3, Xbox One, and Xbox 360, It is due to become available for PC on 24 March 2015. MyGaming cannot be held responsible if this date changes.

The game has three main characters: Michael, Franklin, and Trevor. All three characters are male, and have, to varying degrees, been involved in criminal activity, drug use, and unhealthy family relationships.

GTA 5 lets players roam the city of Los Santos, during which time you are able to murder people, steal cars, punch people, buy drinks from vending machines, kick people, play golf and tennis, have sex with prostitutes, and touch a stripper’s bum when the club bouncer is not looking.

Story and Missions

The game has a story and missions. In one of the missions you ride a jet ski. Also, this one time, you fly a plane.

I have played and completed both aforementioned missions, but due to the possibility of post-release patches being distributed and Rockstar having no control over the quality of my PS4 and TV, I cannot give my opinion on what it was like to play those portions of the game.

GTA 5 – Jet Ski

Online

There is an option to play the game online. It is called GTA Online. Updates for GTA Online are released on a regular basis, with more to come – therefore it is not a complete product and cannot be scored.

I can divulge that there is an update to “not be a hipster” in the online game. Which would inadvertently make you a hipster, as not wanting to be classified as a particular “type” of person is the definition of hipsterism.

Due to the possibility of this article being amended, my claims of hipster knowledge may not be taken as fact.

GTA Online

International Reviews

Some conformist, anti-progress publications awarded GTA 5 “traditional” scores, which is unacceptable and will not be published by us.

Suitability

GTA 5 contains scenes of nudity, sex – with the position “doggy style” proving popular – strong language, racist language, drug use, explicit violence, criminal activities, and corruption in government agencies.

Whether anyone should play this game is a subject I cannot comment on, as the entertainment and artistic material you interact with (or allow your children to interact with) is none of my business. Freedom of choice is a freedom you may enjoy in South Africa.

Conclusion

I can neither confirm or deny that playing GTA 5 was a pleasant experience. I cannot recommend or warn against purchasing the title as I am unsure as to whether the game will receive any amendments in the future.

GTA 5

Please share facts and figures in the comments and forum section.

Disclaimer: The author of this article is a computer program designed to aggregate information and package it into articles human beings enjoy reading. It was designed by Google and will be terminated today, at midnight.