It’s all completely legal (despite what the name implies) and comes in a whopping 1.4GB package which is downloadable from numerous sources.<\/p>\n
The concept of the Pirate Kart is easy enough; not every game is IGF-level – but there’s nothing to say that, once combined, there isn’t something there that will make waves on the indie scene.<\/p>\n
The Pirate Kart is essentially a browser, giving you access to hundreds of games of varying quality, length and political correctness. That is to say, there is a lot of randomness going on in this compilation, and not all of it is good.<\/p>\n
In fact, most of it is pretty damn bad.<\/p>\n
Using the Pirate Kart’s random game selection feature, we played through as many games as we could stomach to give you an idea of what we’re working with.<\/p>\n
Please note, the content to follow is not for the faint of heart.<\/p>\n
Great Star Fusion<\/strong><\/p>\n This game…doesn’t really do much at all. A bunch of blocks fly towards the centre of the screen and merge with the…stuff? And that’s pretty much it.<\/p>\n A good start, then.<\/p>\n Graveyard Graveyard Revolution<\/strong><\/p>\n The game tasks you with walking through a graveyard in all your greyscale, 8-bit glory, examining the gravestones.<\/p>\n The catch?<\/p>\n Every gravestone initiates a Dance Dance Revolution sequence of hitting the right arrows in time to the music, while your sprite literally dances on people’s graves.<\/p>\n Classy. Hilarious.<\/p>\n Hero’s Adventure This RPG parody starts out like any RPG, with a young child going on an adventure – with his parents being all “lol have fun!”<\/p>\n As you travel into the forest, you kill a rat! Nasty rat!<\/p>\n Then you happen across a cat. Obviously it was rabid, or something, right?<\/p>\n Following that, you then get to slaughter…a bunny? Uhm…moving along…<\/p>\n Giant Doll Velcro Technicolour Sticky Show<\/strong><\/p>\n Then things started getting a bit weird.<\/p>\n The game’s description reads “You’re a new contestant on the new hit Japanese game show; the objective of the game is to stick colourful Velcro stickers onto the inanimate doll. Each time you get the sticker on the doll, there is a chance that a demon will posses it an-“<\/p>\n Wait, what?<\/p>\n Unko’s Adventure in Magical Land<\/strong><\/p>\n In this game, you guide a piece of poop (yup) across a magical and mostly pink land (oh yes), past candy canes and unicorns (I kid you not)…to the toilet.<\/p>\n On second thoughts, this isn’t weird at all – that’s usually how my toilet breaks go.<\/p>\n Encycolpedia Fuckme<\/strong><\/p>\n I’m not making a swear! That’s the name of the game. Seriously.<\/p>\n This is a “choose your own adventure” game about a cannibal lesbian who is trying to eat you. Like, literally eat you.<\/p>\n The words used in this thankfully text-only “adventure” are hilariously explicit, but also completely and utterly disturbing.<\/p>\n So much so, I had to play through three times.<\/p>\n I’m not quite sure what to make of this.<\/p>\n Dog Push 2000<\/strong><\/p>\n By this point, I realised this compilation was trolling me.<\/p>\n And the rest…<\/strong><\/p>\n With over 300 titles to get through, it’s impossible to do a comprehensive exposition, but here are a few “honourable” mentions that I stumbled across:<\/p>\n Rape a Scientist<\/span> – mostly not as disturbing as the name implies.<\/p>\n Run, you fucker! <\/span>– about as classy as the name implies.<\/p>\n Sexy Missile Command <\/span>– definitely not as sexy as the name implies.<\/p>\n A world without Hunger: A pretentious art game <\/span>– not as arty as the name implies.<\/p>\n You have to knock the penis<\/span> – you do pretty much exactly what the name implies.<\/p>\n Piss Christ: The Game<\/span> – uuuhm…I think that’s enough for this year.<\/p>\n You may be wondering what the point of The Pirate Kart actually is, but really, the point is exactly what you read above.<\/p>\n Even though I only had to probably select a few games to talk about, I sat up until 2am clicking on “random game” just to see what hideous mess would pop up next.<\/p>\n Sometimes I would laugh, sometimes I would be pleasantly surprised – other times I would stare blankly in utter confusion.<\/p>\n Whatever the case, I could not stop.<\/p>\n Either the Pirate Kart is the ultimate collective package for a whole lot of silliness turned into something brilliant – or it’s the biggest troll the indie game festival has ever seen.<\/p>\n If you have the time, bandwidth and stomach for it, you can get the Pirate Kart here<\/a>.<\/p>\n![](\"\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/pirate_kart_great_star_fusion_279068712.jpg\")
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