King Arthur: I am your king.<\/p>\n
Woman: Well I didn’t vote for you.<\/p>\n
King Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.<\/p>\n
Woman: Well how’d you become king then?<\/p>\n
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.<\/p>\n
Dennis: Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. <\/p>\n
[Monty Python and the Holy Grail, 1975]<\/p>\n
Of course, democracy’s not much of an improvement either, it is? George W. Bush blagged a second term of presidency in 2004 with a 50.74% majority vote, over his rival’s 48.27% (the remainder constituting wasted votes on a bunch of instantly forgettable also-rans), putting him in charge of a country almost half of which didn’t want him there at all. The point is, authority is always kinda arbitrarily and\/or inordinately invested. Which is why you should abandon all pretence of sophisticated civil compliance, and denounce it at every possible opportunity. <\/p>\n
I’m getting at censorship here, although I’ve always thought 99% of high school teachers should be beaten with rocks and shipped off to Australia (and I’m allowed to say that because I used to be a high school teacher and because Australia is a ****hole). And speaking of Australia, what’s with their absurd censorship policies, anyway?<\/p>\n
Firstly, here are some facts. Australia doesn’t actually ban games, contrary to popular misconception. They’re a bit more sly about it – instead of playing the howling fascist dictator that everyone obviously knows is wrong and must be promptly stabbed with sharp stuff, the Australian media ratings board (the Office of Film and Literature Classification) simply (conveniently) doesn’t have provision for any video game classification above 15+. There’s no equivalent rating, therefore, for any game classified for mature or adult audiences. This means that, should anything come along that the OFLC doesn’t want people to play, they can simply (conveniently) use the excuse that they have no provision for classifying it. The latest victim of this ridiculous morality charade is Valve’s Left 4 Dead 2, now undergoing heavy editing to suit the OLFC’s inadequate standards. It’s still censorship, of course, but it’s censorship masquerading as some sort of hysterical sitcom bureaucratic bungle.<\/p>\n
Ostensibly, it might even have been nothing more insidious than that, but it is. See, the OFLC wants to introduce ratings to accommodate video games for mature audiences, but their efforts are being stymied by South Australian Attorney General, Michael Atkinson, who is doing everything he can to prevent the release of a paper intended to canvass public opinion on the matter. And because Atkinson is in a position of some serious authority in the debate, his efforts to preclude public discussion on the subject effectively means the public don’t have any say in the matter. In other words, Atkinson gets to decide, on behalf of an entirely unacknowledged public, what that public can decide for themselves. Or, in this case, what they’re not going to get to decide because they’re not given the decision in the first place. Atkinson is censoring a debate on censorship, which would be hilarious if it, you know, weren’t. Quis custodiet, you might ask, ipsos custodes? Apparently nobody. <\/p>\n
Interestingly, South Africa’s own Film and Publications Board isn’t at all bothered about any of this nonsense. There’s not a single game banned or refused classification locally, due to the sensible provision of mature (18+, R18) media ratings. For everything that’s wrong with this place (starting with the sheep lungs I saw for sale at the Spar yesterday), at least I can decide for myself whether or not I’m going to play Kill Everything and Their Babies With Fire and Death and Heroin and Stuff IV. Because that’s kinda what being a person who can think for themselves is all about. In the meantime, I’ll keep my big red DISSIDENT t-shirt clean for the next World Cup protest.<\/p>\n