So, E3 starts up on Monday, and while MyGaming is packing Nic off to wander around the show and look important (or something like that), I already know what’s going to happen over there. I moved a few bits of leftover macaroni cheese around my plate until they looked somewhat significant, and spent two or three minutes consulting this sombre augury of things that must surely come to pass.<\/p>\n
Project Natal sucks<\/strong><\/p>\n I really want to think it’s going to be totally cool, but it’s probably not. Microsoft is likely to run out a bunch of rubbish Xbox Avatar games that mostly involve players looking ****ing stupid, getting bored within 40 seconds, and pretending it isn’t the last four years of Wii shovelware condensed into an HD repackage. At least it has the advantage of looking something like HAL9000, however, because…<\/p>\n PlayStation Move looks like a Wiimote, behaves like a Wiimote<\/strong><\/p>\n I’m cheating a bit here, of course, because it already does. I mean, let’s get real – Sony spent two or three years of very expensive R&D to make a Wiimote with a ball glued to the end. Yeah yeah, so it’s packing a three-axis accelerometer, an angular rate sensor, an internal magnometer, and a small hadron collider. It’s still a Wiimote with a ball glued to the end.<\/p>\n Peter Molyneux is enthusiastic, a bit creepy<\/strong><\/p>\n I love the ‘Neux, I do, but I saw this Fable II vidoc during the game’s development, and I’d swear the guy was close to tears when he starting talking about the dog. If he does anything like that with his virtual boy plaything Milo, it’s all going to get a little uncomfortable.<\/p>\n A SHOCKING!!!111 announcement, gamers totally betrayed<\/strong><\/p>\n Another former platform exclusive is going to jump ship (because going multiplatform is basically exactly the same as going exclusive on the other side, and probably – obviously – because they were paid lots of cash to do it), and 15-year olds who think mom buying them games automatically makes them corporate partners in the company will be completely outraged.<\/p>\n Sony announces a premium PSN service, PS3 fanboys love it<\/strong><\/p>\n Even though the same PS3 fanboys have been slagging off Xbox LIVE for four years because they charge a subscription fee. Suddenly, cross-game chat will actually, really matter, and be absolutely worth whatever Sony wants to charge them for it. Including their dignity. Oh, and…<\/p>\n ActiBlizz announces multi-platform Bungie title, PS3 fanboys love it<\/strong><\/p>\n Even though the same PS3 fanboys have been slagging off Bungie for four years because they developed Halo. Obviously, it’s because whatever Bungie’s doing now will be better on PS3 because of Blu-ray \/ built-in wireless \/ PSN cross-game chat.<\/p>\n Dead Space 2 > *<\/strong><\/p>\n Sure, Gears of War 3 looks awesome, Fallout: New Vegas looks kinda rad, and so do Brink, Crysis 2, and whatever Valve’s going to do. But you simply can’t beat dismembering dead babies in zero-g.<\/p>\n