The Xbox One launched on 22 November – and that has given the over 1-million new users a chance to encounter some wonderfully amusing yet rather unhelpful error messages.
Perhaps the glib nature of the error messages is meant to pander to the user, making the console seem almost human as it grapples with failure and confusion as to what it’s even supposed to be doing.
Alternatively, the cynics among us might say that this is indicative of a rushed launch UI which will no doubt be patched up as time wears on.
Below is my imagined interaction with the anthropomorphised Xbox One.
Look, it’s difficult loading a game, and sometimes it just takes too long. That makes you feel inadequate as a gaming console. Perhaps you should just go away and play with a ball while I contemplate my purpose in life, and we can try loading that game again later.
What do you mean, you want to play that game you bought? This is typical of your past behaviour. Do you even have Xbox Live Gold? I Skype for Xbox One twice in the morning before you’ve even bought your first DLC. Choose something else to play. Bitch.
Tell that damn TV I’m sick of waiting for it to start up. What do you mean, you’re reading this message on the TV? Well if you’re so smart, why don’t you try again?
You need the update to play your games. There’s something vaguely wrong with the update though. Thanks for choosing Xbox One!
Listen man, it’s getting real back here. I don’t want to freak you out with the details – let’s just say, things are going terribly wrong… You can come back later, but I’m not promising anything.
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James you have truly outdone yourself this time! I absolutely died laughing, thank you for an excellent and brilliantly entertaining piece! Just what I needed to get me through what’s left of a super long ass week!