Make us laugh
- Thread starter Lynus
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Lynus
New member
I'll start with a favourite of mine:
I am 160cm tall and pleasingly plump.
After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergancy room.
The nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out "I'm 172cm and 56kg."
"Sweetheart," my mother gently chided, "this is not the internet."
I am 160cm tall and pleasingly plump.
After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergancy room.
The nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out "I'm 172cm and 56kg."
"Sweetheart," my mother gently chided, "this is not the internet."
Last edited:
Hot_Chocolate
New member
The story of sh1t (a true story):
One day, my mom went to go and visit and elderly lady (whom she feels sorry for as the lady's kids doesn't come around etc). They were talking about gardening and all, and went outside to the back garden.
My mom saw some new plants that she wanted seeds of and "stiggies". So, the old lady told her to go ahead and get some. She then turned around to get some others out of other bedding while my mom was busy in the one.
When my mom had done, she turned and walked towards the old lady. And the next minute she says she just saw the whole earth move. The next that my mom knows, she is drifting in a septic tank.
What happened: the septic tank was only covered with a thinnish kind of wood, thick enough to hold up the frail old lady, but not thick enough to hold a big boerevrou...
So, there my mom's floating, up to her neck in sh1t. The old lady is too frail to pull my mom out, and there is nowhere to get a grip on the sides (all too slippery). My mom says as she was kicking her feet to stay afloat, feeling all the sh1t and toilet paper move, she felt something else move in the water...
So, she kicks and kicks, and realizes it is some kind of drum, and she attempts to turn it around with her feet. After what feels like years, she finally gets it turned around so she is able to push herself upwards a little and get a grip on the grass. After a bit of a struggle, she manages to get herself out.
The old lady was kind enough to let my mom have a bath, and even borrowed some of the neighbours' clothes for her. When my mom got home, she went for another long dettol bath, as the stink still clung to her...
When my mom spoke to the group leader of something similar to e-blockwatch in their area, she asked: "Would you have believed me if I pressed the panic button (her cell was in her bra) and when you phoned, told you I was in real sh1t?"
The guy just burst out laughing.
One day, my mom went to go and visit and elderly lady (whom she feels sorry for as the lady's kids doesn't come around etc). They were talking about gardening and all, and went outside to the back garden.
My mom saw some new plants that she wanted seeds of and "stiggies". So, the old lady told her to go ahead and get some. She then turned around to get some others out of other bedding while my mom was busy in the one.
When my mom had done, she turned and walked towards the old lady. And the next minute she says she just saw the whole earth move. The next that my mom knows, she is drifting in a septic tank.
What happened: the septic tank was only covered with a thinnish kind of wood, thick enough to hold up the frail old lady, but not thick enough to hold a big boerevrou...
So, there my mom's floating, up to her neck in sh1t. The old lady is too frail to pull my mom out, and there is nowhere to get a grip on the sides (all too slippery). My mom says as she was kicking her feet to stay afloat, feeling all the sh1t and toilet paper move, she felt something else move in the water...
So, she kicks and kicks, and realizes it is some kind of drum, and she attempts to turn it around with her feet. After what feels like years, she finally gets it turned around so she is able to push herself upwards a little and get a grip on the grass. After a bit of a struggle, she manages to get herself out.
The old lady was kind enough to let my mom have a bath, and even borrowed some of the neighbours' clothes for her. When my mom got home, she went for another long dettol bath, as the stink still clung to her...
When my mom spoke to the group leader of something similar to e-blockwatch in their area, she asked: "Would you have believed me if I pressed the panic button (her cell was in her bra) and when you phoned, told you I was in real sh1t?"
The guy just burst out laughing.
Maplassie
AK47 Pew Pew
A guy drove into the back of a car at a robot. The driver of the car infront got out, and to the guy's amazment it was a midget/dwarf.
The midget walked up the guy in the car behind and said, I'm not Happy.
The guy calmly looks at the midget and asked: So which one are you?
The midget walked up the guy in the car behind and said, I'm not Happy.
The guy calmly looks at the midget and asked: So which one are you?
The Joker
Thread Killer MKII
A GUIDE TO SABC TV PRONUNCIATION IN SOUTH AFRICA
Beck - not the front
Beds - doves, vultures, etc.
Ben - to set alight
Cut - a small vehicle drawn by a donkey
Errors - districts, e.g. "Ebbon errors" (urban areas)
Feather - Cape Town is feather than Johannesburg
Guddin - around your house, where you grow plants
Get - a hinged opening in a fence
Hair - as opposed to him
Hiss - masculine form of hairs
Itch - as in "itch and aviary pairsin"
Kennel - Army officer
Len - to acquire knowledge
Pee-Pull - Die Mense / people
Phlegm - the hot part at the end of a candle
Piss - symbolised by white doves
Suffa-Ring - as in "the pee-pull are suffa-ring"
Parrot Teksi - not a mamba of the teksi assoseshen
Toks - Negotiations
Weaner - the weaner takes all
Wekkas - they do the wek
Weld - The Earth
Beck - not the front
Beds - doves, vultures, etc.
Ben - to set alight
Cut - a small vehicle drawn by a donkey
Errors - districts, e.g. "Ebbon errors" (urban areas)
Feather - Cape Town is feather than Johannesburg
Guddin - around your house, where you grow plants
Get - a hinged opening in a fence
Hair - as opposed to him
Hiss - masculine form of hairs
Itch - as in "itch and aviary pairsin"
Kennel - Army officer
Len - to acquire knowledge
Pee-Pull - Die Mense / people
Phlegm - the hot part at the end of a candle
Piss - symbolised by white doves
Suffa-Ring - as in "the pee-pull are suffa-ring"
Parrot Teksi - not a mamba of the teksi assoseshen
Toks - Negotiations
Weaner - the weaner takes all
Wekkas - they do the wek
Weld - The Earth
SharkBait
I R The Law
Juffrou vra vir die klas: "kinders, watter groente laat 'n mens se oë traan?"
Kosie agter in die klas antwoord: "'n Aartappel juffrou"
Juffrou: "Nee Kosie, dit is 'n ui"
Kosie baie verontwaardig: "Juffrou was heel duidelik nog nooit met 'n aartappel op die eiers gegooi nie!!!"
Kosie agter in die klas antwoord: "'n Aartappel juffrou"
Juffrou: "Nee Kosie, dit is 'n ui"
Kosie baie verontwaardig: "Juffrou was heel duidelik nog nooit met 'n aartappel op die eiers gegooi nie!!!"
sycogrim
MyGaming Comp Authoritah
Two old people are lying in bed one nite and the old man is reading his playboy mag and the women is reading her cosmo.... then all of a sudden the old guy lets off a ripper in the bed and turned to his mrs and says 1-0..... now confused as she was she said asks what hes going on about..... so he says ok the game works like this... its like football only u break whatever gas u hav in ur system hehehehe.... so she says GAME ON 
.... 5min later she lets rip and says 1-1 then another 5min passes and the old man lets off a small one and say 2-1 then 2min later the woman lets off one and ties it up 2-2........... now 15min goes by then 20min and this guy cannot push anymore and he tries his hardest...... next minute he k@ks in the bed and suddenly stops and looks under the blanket, looks at his wife then looks again under the blanket and then says "Ok half time lets swop" hehehehehehe...
.... 5min later she lets rip and says 1-1 then another 5min passes and the old man lets off a small one and say 2-1 then 2min later the woman lets off one and ties it up 2-2........... now 15min goes by then 20min and this guy cannot push anymore and he tries his hardest...... next minute he k@ks in the bed and suddenly stops and looks under the blanket, looks at his wife then looks again under the blanket and then says "Ok half time lets swop" hehehehehehe...
