the JOKE thread

There was this blind man, right. He was his way down the street with his stick, right. He walked passed this fish market, he took a deep breath and said: Whao! Good mornin' ladies!
 
A man is driving down a country road, when all of a sudden a rabbit comes hopping over the road. The man drives to avoid it, but sadly he drives over it. He jumps out the car to investigate, but the animal is dead.
The man is stricken and doesn't know what to do.

Then, a woman stops behind him and gets out carrying an aerosol can.
She sprays it liberally over the dead rabbit - which awakens and hops away, turning around and waving at the two people.
The man looks on in astonishment as the rabbit hops away, turns around and waves again. This continues till the rabbit is out of sight.
The man says to the woman, "Thats incredible! What is that stuff?"
The woman reads from the can,
"Revitalizes dead hair for continuous wave"


/bows
 
Murph said:
A man is driving down a country road, when all of a sudden a rabbit comes hopping over the road. The man drives to avoid it, but sadly he drives over it. He jumps out the car to investigate, but the animal is dead.
The man is stricken and doesn't know what to do.

Then, a woman stops behind him and gets out carrying an aerosol can.
She sprays it liberally over the dead rabbit - which awakens and hops away, turning around and waving at the two people.
The man looks on in astonishment as the rabbit hops away, turns around and waves again. This continues till the rabbit is out of sight.
The man says to the woman, "Thats incredible! What is that stuff?"
The woman reads from the can,
"Revitalizes dead hair for continuous wave"


/bows
Click to expand...

/slow clap
 
Murph said:
A man is driving down a country road, when all of a sudden a rabbit comes hopping over the road. The man drives to avoid it, but sadly he drives over it. He jumps out the car to investigate, but the animal is dead.
The man is stricken and doesn't know what to do.

Then, a woman stops behind him and gets out carrying an aerosol can.
She sprays it liberally over the dead rabbit - which awakens and hops away, turning around and waving at the two people.
The man looks on in astonishment as the rabbit hops away, turns around and waves again. This continues till the rabbit is out of sight.
The man says to the woman, "Thats incredible! What is that stuff?"
The woman reads from the can,
"Revitalizes dead hair for continuous wave"


/bows
Click to expand...

No dude. You should be tarred and feathered for that! hahaha!
 
would have been funnier if a blond did it, then the rabbit stays dead and he asks here WTF she is doing
 
If there's a buncha' noobs
in yo' private server
Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

If the're hackin' bad
and it don't play good
Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

I ain't bugged by no twits
I ain't bugged by no twits

If you're seeing things
shootin' through the walls
Who can ya call?
RAVEN GOLD!

An invisible man
crawli'n in the grass
Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

I ain't bugged by no twits
I ain't bugged by no twits

Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

If the're swarmin' you
pick up the AIM
and text
RAVEN GOLD!

I ain't bugged by no twits
I here he likes the tubes
I ain't bugged by no twits
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

If you've had a dose of a
Cheater fag, baby
Ya better call
RAVEN GOLD!

Lemme tell ya something
Ownin' makes me feel good!

I ain't bugged by no twits
I ain't bugged by no twits

Don't get caught Cheatin' no no

RAVEN GOLD!

When it comes through the Wall
Unless you just want some more
I think you better call
RAVEN GOLD!

Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

I think you better call
RAVEN GOLD!

Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

I can't hear you
Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

Louder
RAVEN GOLD!

Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!

Who can ya call?
RAVEN GOLD!

Who ya gonna call?
RAVEN GOLD!
 
close-to-complete ideology and religion shit list


  • buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit.
  • zen buddhism: shit is, and is not.
  • hinduism: this shit has happened before.
  • islam: if shit happens, it is the will of allah.
  • islam #2: if shit happens, kill the person responsible.
  • islam #3: if shit happens, blame israel.
  • catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it.
  • protestantism: let shit happen to someone else.
  • presbyterian: this shit was bound to happen.
  • episcopalian: it's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
  • methodist: it's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
  • congregationalist: shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
  • unitarian: shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
  • lutheran: if shit happens, don't talk about it.
  • fundamentalism: if shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (amen!)
  • fundamentalism #2: if shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
  • judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?
  • calvinism: shit happens because you don't work.
  • seventh day adventism: no shit shall happen on saturday.
  • creationism: god made all shit.
  • secular humanism: shit evolves.
  • christian science: when shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
  • quakers: let us not fight over this shit.
  • utopianism: this shit does not stink.
  • darwinism: this shit was once food.
  • capitalism: that's my shit.
  • communism: it's everybody's shit.
  • feminism: men are shit.
  • chauvinism: we may be shit, but you can't live without us...
  • commercialism: let's package this shit.
  • impressionism: from a distance, shit looks like a garden.
  • idolism: let's bronze this shit.
  • existentialism: shit doesn't happen; shit is.
  • stoicism: this shit is good for me.
  • hedonism: there is nothing like a good shit happening!
  • mormonism: god sent us this shit.
  • wiccan: an it harm none, let shit happen.
  • scientology: if shit happens, see "dianetics", p.157.
  • jehovah's witnesses: >knock< >knock< shit happens.
  • moonies: only really happy shit happens.
  • hare krishna: shit happens, rama rama.
  • rastafarianism: let's smoke this shit!
  • zoroastrianism: shit happens half on the time.
  • church of subgenius: bob shits.
  • practical: deal with shit one day at a time.
  • agnostic: shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
  • satanism: sneppah tihs.
  • atheism: what shit?
  • nihilism: no shit.
  • and of course we must add...alcoholics anonymous: shit happens-one day at a time!
Click to expand...

sneppah this!
 
This was written by a guy...

It's pretty damn smart.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars
thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week,

my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,

"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads
to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying,

"Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went
to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just
buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,
"Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I
was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said,

"That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said,

"I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,

"No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled,"WHAT?"

I then said,

"Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,
I added,

"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.... but at least
that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Click to expand...

so anyone try this?
 
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