the JOKE thread

A Chicken and a horse are best friends.

They walking in the farm where its been raining heavily suddenly the horse falls into a mud pit and is stuck.

"Quick go get the farmer" Said the horse

The chicken runs off and shouts to the farmer, the farmer rushes off in his BMW M3 and sees the horse stuck and pulls him out.

The next day the chicken gets stuck in the same mud hole.

The Horse tells the chicken...

"Hey grab onto my long john and ill pull you out"

The chicken grabs a hold and is pulled out by the horse.




Moral of the story: You dont need a BMW to pick up chicks :p
 
gobby said:
three male mice are sitting at a bar with three shots of tequila
arguing about how tough they are.
The first mouse says,
"i'm so tough i break into the cupboard just to eat the rat poison.
" he slams down his tequila and looks at the second mouse.
The second mouse replies,
"that's nothing. I'm so tough i run through a mouse trap,
grab the cheese, flip onto my back & bench-press the
killer springed trapwire." he slams down
his tequila and looks at the third mouse.
The third mouse slams down histequila
slides off his stool and begins walking away from the bar.
The other mice scream, "oi! Softy!, where do you think you're going?!
The third mouse replies, "home, to shag the cat."
Click to expand...

lol +10000:d
 
Three couples are having supper breakfast together one morning.
The one husband asks his wife, "Pass the sugar, sugar."
The second husband asks his wife, "Pass the honey, honey."
The third husband asks his wife, "Pass the bacon, jou vark."
 
Mike en Kallie vlieg oor Afrika. Die vlieenier kondig aan.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are now entering Ethiopain airspace. where 40 percent of the population are infected with TB, the other 60 percent are infected with HIV."

Wat se daai ou?" vra Mike vir Kallie.

"Hy se as die vliegtuig nou val, spyker ons net die wat hoes!...
 
Gobby said:
Three male mice are sitting at a bar with three shots of tequila
arguing about how tough they are.
The first mouse says,
"I'm so tough I break into the cupboard just to eat the rat poison.
" He slams down his tequila and looks at the second mouse.
The second mouse replies,
"That's nothing. I'm so tough I run through a mouse trap,
grab the cheese, flip onto my back & bench-press the
killer springed trapwire." He slams down
his tequila and looks at the third mouse.
The third mouse slams down histequila
slides off his stool and begins walking away from the bar.
The other mice scream, "Oi! Softy!, where do you think you're going?!
The third mouse replies, "Home, to shag the cat."
Click to expand...

OMW that is so damn funny!
 
wizdumb said:
Mike en Kallie vlieg oor Afrika. Die vlieenier kondig aan.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are now entering Ethiopain airspace. where 40 percent of the population are infected with TB, the other 60 percent are infected with HIV."

Wat se daai ou?" vra Mike vir Kallie.

"Hy se as die vliegtuig nou val, spyker ons net die wat hoes!...
Click to expand...

lol the best one yet
 
A Black Baby was given wings by God.
He asked God, "Does this mean I'm an Angel now?"
God laughed and said,
"N!gga Please............you're a bat!"
 
Whats the definition of relitive humidity?

Doing the naughty with your cousin and u start sweating down below.
 
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
 
HANDsolo said:
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
Click to expand...

lol had to read it twice to get it but lol
 
Muso humour:

Van's son comes home one day and says, "Dad, I want to learn to play bass."

So Van buys him a bass guitar and finds a local teacher. Saturday the kid goes off for his first lesson. He comes back a couple of hours later.

Van: "So how did it go, son?"
Son: "Well... we just did two notes."
Van: "Well, that's not a bad start. One lesson, two notes."

The next Saturday the kid is off for a lesson again. He comes back a couple of hours later.

Van: "So how did it go, son?"
Son: "We did another two notes, on a different string this time."
Van: "Excellent! Two lessons, four notes. Keep it up!"

The next Saturday the kid departs at the usual time. 12 hours later he is not back. Van is going out of his mind with worry and desperation. Eventually the kid stumbles in the next morning. His hair is a mess, his clothes are filthy and he stinks of booze and cigarettes. His eyes look like the old SABC TV test pattern.

Van: "What the... you little... where have you been?!"
Son: "It was my first gig."
 
LOL Lack of talent is apparent in that one!!


This is brilliant:
A guy applies for a job at a new South African Government Department.
The interviewer asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
"Yes!" the guy says, "...a landmine blew my testicles away!"
"O.K. you're hired!" the interviewer announces, "Working hours are from
8 till 5 o'clock . Make sure you're here by 10 every morning!"
Puzzled the guy says " 8 till 5, why do you want me to come in only at 10?"
This is a government job," the interviewer says, "the first two hours we just sit around scratching our balls.......no point in you coming in for that....!"
 
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
 
hahaha....1st time i heard it was on 94.7 and the driver being nataniel

****

Die Juffrou verduidelik biologie vir die graad sessies.
"Die menslike ras is die enigste spesie wat hakkel", verduidelik sy.

'n Oulike klein dogtertjie steek haar handjie op: "Juffrou, dis nie waar nie. Ek het 'n katjie gehad wat gehakkel het!".

Die Juffrou besef hoe kosbaar sommige kindertjies se troeteldiere vir hulle is, en gee die dogtertjie geduldig maar 'n kansie om die voorval te beskryf.

"Juffrou, ek het in die agterplaas met my katjie gespeel toe die bure se rowwe Rottweiler oorie muur spring in ons erf in."

"Jy het seker baie groot geskrik?", por die Juffrou belangstellend.

"Ja Juffrou, viskriklik".
"En toe begin my katjie hakkel, en hy sê "Ffff, Ffff, Ffff" en nog voor hy die "-ok " kon uitkry, toe vreet die Rottweiler hom op!"
 
Some "truths" to take with you wherever you go..

(1.) Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
(2.) A day without sunshine is like, night.
(3.) On the other hand, you have different fingers.
(4.) 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
(5.) 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
(6.) I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
(7.) Honk if you love peace and quiet.
(8.) Remember, half the people you know are below average.
(9.) He who laughs last thinks slowest.
(10.) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
(11.) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
(12.) I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
(13.) Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
(14.) Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
(15.) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
(16.) Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
(17.) Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
(18.) Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
(19.) If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
(20.) How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
(21.) OK, so what's the speed of dark?
(22.) How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
(23.) When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
(24.) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
(25.) What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
(26.) I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
(27.) I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
(28.) Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
(29.) Smile, it gives your mouth something to do.
 
The Joker said:
Some "truths" to take with you wherever you go..

(1.) Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
(2.) A day without sunshine is like, night.
(3.) On the other hand, you have different fingers.
(4.) 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
(5.) 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
(6.) I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
(7.) Honk if you love peace and quiet.
(8.) Remember, half the people you know are below average.
(9.) He who laughs last thinks slowest.
(10.) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
(11.) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
(12.) I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
(13.) Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
(14.) Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
(15.) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
(16.) Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
(17.) Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
(18.) Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
(19.) If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
(20.) How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
(21.) OK, so what's the speed of dark?
(22.) How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
(23.) When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
(24.) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
(25.) What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
(26.) I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
(27.) I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
(28.) Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
(29.) Smile, it gives your mouth something to do.
Click to expand...

lol joker made my monday
 
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