Do you need to get laid?

shadowfox said:
I think most folks would prefer a proper relationship when it comes down to it ... but being in groups where you're the odd one out tends to add a little invisible pressure, and in the end you hook up with someone because from your perspective that's what you want - rather then the actual reason of not wanting to stand out. Ends up badly 90% of the time.
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Well that's exactly it. I've had these conversations with one of my close friends many times! I always tune him "Yoh dude, I wonder what will happen if I don't get a chick before I'm 30, this is kak.." and he just always calms me down and tells me not to worry. I thought about it a bit more and actually came to this very conclusion, this what you said.
 
PaPaRaZZ! said:
Very true, you sound desperate dude... be careful to grab the first chick in line, she'll end up with all your money ;)
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I don't see it as being desperate. What it comes down to for me, and this probably is going to make me sound like a complete ass, but I just want to have fun. Sometime you just want to feel something, anything. That's where I am now.
 
Okay. Let me think about this a little. Time for a bit of a heart to heart.

I myself have had confidence issues most of my life. I have had genuine interest in around ten girls 2003 - 2011. Not that many actually. One per year that catches my interest?

Most of those are what I would call genuinely nice girls (I still have contact with 90%), however from that list I made almost no effort to make them my girlfriend at any time - with none of them. What proves more disappointing for me but positive for the nice guy effect - from that list I can undoubtedly say ~seven were also genuinely interested in return. I either didn't believe it at the time or simply didn't have the guts to make a move.

Proof that the nice guy can at first create attraction, the attraction falls away in laters stages when eagerness to please and/or doormat syndrome kicks in. Lack of backbone and ability to defend his opinion/what he wants. Girls will become bored, no longer attracted. It really makes sense if you think about it. Who wants what could really be described as a wimp?

In the past two years I've had a considerably larger increase of women showing interest in me - whereby I have had no interest in return. This has simply been due to my change that started coming into effect end 2008.

For a long time I felt that I couldn't find anybody, I was undesirable etc etc until I realizes how sad the situation was. People I like actually like me back and I am feeling sorry for myself? Absurd!?? Waiting for something to come to you doesn't do the trick. I actually had no reason to feel this way, I just needed to grow a pair.

I feel I am by no means where I want to be yet, but I've overcome a lot of personal doubt, insecurities and uncertainties. Building the persona that can fill a hole in someones life, without bringing baggage into the equation.

I am sharing this in the effort to get across the fact that if you are not comfortable with yourself that saying of nobody can be comfortable with you is highly relevant and true. Today I am not looking for a girl to fulfill my life, approve it, or even like me, rather for someone that wants to be part of it to compliment it and share in it. I really don't need every girl that I meet to think I am the best person in the world. That was a key mindset change.

I have had the pleasure to meet some wonderful people, so my message in the end is meet new people through friends or other shared interest groups. Make the effort to communicate and spend time with people to get to know them. Things happen faster than you'd expect. That's been my experience of late anyways.

When you do not have a need to be completed or approved by the significant other you are interested in things will become surprising. The sheer volume of interest gets generated increases when you loose that cowardly vibe. Primitive stuff going on here in the mating ritual. :)

I agree that friends with benefits should be avoided. I can go into deep detail of why I think that is a bad idea, but I shall rather not. Best advise would be to actually enforce friendship barriers between opposite sex friends. It is very easy to blur the lines and for things to happen. When things happen and you or the other person eventually finds someone else it will also cause much unneeded drama. Keep friendships friendship, or at best, romantic friendships (see wikipedia).

So when it comes to the general conversation of this thread, I have certainly felt cynical in the past, however in the last few years that has indeed changed. It really is up to each individual person to determine how happy they are within a relationship. I learnt that when things began to change for me when my perception and understanding of myself changed. I can be happy with who I am!

Have fun, enjoy it. Do not compromise on values, but do not compromise your own right to life. Stand up for yourself, and keep yourself happy. Life is short, live it by the points that please you. That is why compatability is also very important. If person A enjoys Saturday games of tennis/squash and the other sitting inside all day playing Aion well, something may just break there.

When it comes to the best relationships nice guys are more than half the way there, they have the difficult part of genuinely caring pre-installed within their characters. They need to simply learn to aim that caring at themselves and not allow themselves to be abused by others. Also not to underestimate their own value and desirability in this world.
 
LOL - I actually didn't want to add my name as part of this thread but I simply had to point out how active and (by looking at the size of the post above me) AVID some of you guys/gals are about the subject - it's really funny. Fact is, if you have arms and hands and they can reach - you have no problem. It's that simple. "whistling:
 
Very nice post dude, some well said points in there.

MrG said:
I am sharing this in the effort to get across the fact that if you are not comfortable with yourself that saying of nobody can be comfortable with you is highly relevant and true. Today I am not looking for a girl to fulfill my life, approve it, or even like me, rather for someone that wants to be part of it to compliment it and share in it. I really don't need every girl that I meet to think I am the best person in the world. That was a key mindset change.

I have had the pleasure to meet some wonderful people, so my message in the end is meet new people through friends or other shared interest groups. Make the effort to communicate and spend time with people to get to know them. Things happen faster than you'd expect. That's been my experience of late anyways.
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That's all part of growing up. Once you overcome your own "insufficiencies" so to speak, which is by far the hardest part of life, then everything becomes easier and you realize how easy it really is to get along with others and in turn, meet lots of new people or even the partner that you've been looking for. I think you summed it up quite nicely dude.

You seem like a really cool oke, dude. Biggies for overcoming the battle within yourself for the most part and enjoying life. That's what it's all about in the end. This thread that you started is actually one of the best I've read in a while :)
 
+1++ to to0ken ins the thread, amen brother! Seems you and I think alike, not just you as there are others too....

its interesting to see the different opnions and views amongst the community here, very interesting. Few key things i'd like to point out, im not expert at any of this, infact im still soing young and free being 21 and never been a serious relationship, i'll admit at times when others are in love and you esentially left int he dust, you do tend to think is something wrong with me? why i am not where these people are? well here is some key pointers and observations:

1. Be yourself, never ever change who you are for someone else, even if you want to change, you cant change who you are, this is how you were born into the world and this is who you will be, now that being said, you outlook can be changed, this is key, feeling negative and sorry for yourself only attracts more of this into your life, yu'll end up making dumb desicions which u will regret, so never ever change WHO you are!

2. Ah the Mystery method, highly misused, high misuderstood. What this MM teaches holds alot of truth make no mistake. mystery teaches what he preaches, no doubt about that, but notice a few key observations like, the guy dresses the way he wants to dress and he doesnt give a dam about what others think, this is confidence at its highest level, to walk out there and be who you are and be 100% comfortable speaks volumes of yourself.

3. Attraction, this is key, almost every proccess we apply in our daily lives comes down to some form of logic like "oh yeah perhaps i should turn off the oven before i leave for work, i dont feel like it but logistcally its reccommened" HOWEVER logics cannot be applied to emotion especially the attraction proccess, you can understand how it works but logics cannot be applied, Attraction per say is highly illogical more prevailant in Women than Men, fact, eg Rocks stars or abuse men are magnets for woman, when you ask a woman why they keep coming back to those jerks they honestly cant give any real answer other than "but i love him" or "you dont understand him like i do" . What do these men have that us good guys dont? strip it down to its raw form and you will see it confidence and the "screw the world, i am who i am, i dont care what others think", highly attractive for women.

and then there is love, the often misused and abused world, such a strong meaning behind this word, so strong that people have sacraficed themselves to save someone they love. Love can never be forced nor can it be found, it finds you, force love and search for it? you'll never find it instead you are left with the fake counterpart that has no meaning to it!

As good ol to0ken said, STF them if they dont like you for who you are, some just want friends others want more, just remember you were born into this world they way you were meant to be, no religious working here but we are all part of a greater cause that too goes beyond our logics or even comprehension. We are all awesome and all deserve to enjoy life, but you need to work with life and not against it :)
 
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Neo said:
LOL - I actually didn't want to add my name as part of this thread but I simply had to point out how active and (by looking at the size of the post above me) AVID some of you guys/gals are about the subject - it's really funny. Fact is, if you have arms and hands and they can reach - you have no problem. It's that simple. "whistling:
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For once in a long time I have to disagree with you dude. It's not that simple. If it was, we wouldn't be discussing it so avidly. Also, it's something big and important in many people's lives and that's why they have so much to say about it. Discussions like these are good for many people, as sometimes, even the best of us need to hear what other people go through to help us understand why we are as we are.
 
to0kenZA said:
For once in a long time I have to disagree with you dude. It's not that simple. If it was, we wouldn't be discussing it so avidly. Also, it's something big and important in many people's lives and that's why they have so much to say about it. Discussions like these are good for many people, as sometimes, even the best of us need to hear what other people go through to help us understand why we are as we are.
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More rep for you.
Its nice to get it off your chest.
 
And its why as one of the few females on here, I decided to add my 2c. Otherwise it will become a pointless thread. From what Ive read most of the guys here are sensible, most of them still to young to really know what it is that they want from life and a relationship. But at least most of them are willing to listen and see that its not just black and white, that there are shades of grey from both sides of the story.

This has been interesting, and actually showed me that it is mainly the younger people - guys and girls, who struggle with the whole dating/relationship thing. And to a certain extent I think it is due to not wanting to be the odd one out that a lot of ppl start dating, some of those relationships work others are disastrous and actually cause more harm.
 
Buzz, you have an awesome outlook on life for someone your age. Geez, I remember when I was a bit younger I used to actually be a bit depressed about a lot of these things. Seems like you're way ahead of me! Ha ha

I think I have mostly overcome a lot of my shortcomings also, with my "feeling sorry for myself" and depression out of the way, I enjoy life a lot more. Sometimes you have to identify these things first before you can work on them, which is actually the real reason for it being so hard! That is also why I think a lot of people struggle with relationships. They have too much to work on, personally, and those things tend to get in the way of having an open, real relationship. This can often be referred to as "baggage", but there's more meaning behind it than just calling it baggage.
 
Wyvern said:
And its why as one of the few females on here, I decided to add my 2c. Otherwise it will become a pointless thread. From what Ive read most of the guys here are sensible, most of them still to young to really know what it is that they want from life and a relationship. But at least most of them are willing to listen and see that its not just black and white, that there are shades of grey from both sides of the story.

This has been interesting, and actually showed me that it is mainly the younger people - guys and girls, who struggle with the whole dating/relationship thing. And to a certain extent I think it is due to not wanting to be the odd one out that a lot of ppl start dating, some of those relationships work others are disastrous and actually cause more harm.
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+1

I cannot express to you how much respect I have for young people these days that actually listen and that can have that understanding that things are not just black and white, as you say.

As I've said before, I blame all the pressures of modern life for the bad decision we young people make these days. We never sit and think things through anymore. There's just not "enough" time or whatever other excuse the the lack of reflection you want to make, but it's true. That's why I prefer the old school way of going by relationships. Wait until your older. Very wise rule of thumb.
 
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I cannot express to you how much respect I have for young people these days that actually listen and that can have that understanding that things are not just black and white, as you say.

As I've said before, I blame all the pressures of modern life for the bad decision we young people make these days. We never sit and think things through anymore. There's just not "enough" time or whatever other excuse the the lack of reflection you want to make, but it's true. That's why I prefer the old school way of going by relationships. Wait until your older. Very wise rule of thumb.
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its true, very true

society brings out the best and worst in people for instance its unaccptable in society to abuse children but at the same time you are frowned upon if your still a virgin over the age of say +-22 years, it puts unnecessary pressure on the younger alike more so even the older , for instance marrige is something that you should not do too early or too late, the latter could be good or bad but again its unnecessary, instead take the good from society and none of the bad, after all your an individual not a society....
 
You know, just reading some of the comments here about emo thread and books on basically how to treat a woman like crap says all you need to know really.

I've been married for 8 years end of this month. Couldn't be happier. I have a mate of the same age and he had a really long relationship that ended badly. I know have known them both forever and they are as decent a people as you can imagine, but things just didn't work out. Now he will not even consider a relationship, much less marriage and I find that incredibly sad. What is the point of going out and shagging whoever you can, only to go home to an empty cold bed every time? No one to come home to and share in your excitement about getting that promotion or someone's shoulder to cry on because you had a kak day.

I was always the nice guy and struggled my ass off to find anyone who could appreciate that and not be frightened off by it. I agree with Syco, that woman are intimidated by nice guys. What is wrong with trying to be romantic? Some chicks are just scared shitless because they are so un-used to it and run away. Eventually though, and I know this is little consolation to you, they realise what they had and lost. Eventually though I found my lady. On the internet of all places, 5FM irc chat room!

I can understand the one night stand thing and I have no issue with it, but going about it the way this Mystery Method suggests is in my opinion just cowardly IMHO. It might work, I'm not arguing that, I just don't see how you can be so blatantly false. Like I said, one night stands are fine if you are both into it and know it is just that, a one night stand, but you can still be civil and courteous the next day.

I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but boinking everyone in sight just doesn't seem right. I'm not saying you may not have sex before marriage, I'm just saying use some restraint. And as for someone saying there isn't a perfect person out there, I dunno hey. I say there is no such thing as the perfect woman, but there is definitely the perfect woman out there for you. Yeah it's a cliche, but it is true. And sometimes she might not be a Jessica Alba lookalike. She might be a brunette instead of the redheads you always go for. She might be slightly heavier than you prefer. She might wear coke bottle bottomed glasses, thing is, you never know. Makes me think of that movie Shallow Hal.

Don't stop being the nice guy now, trust me, eventually you will find her and you won't be sorry.
 
DenSweeP said:
You know, just reading some of the comments here about emo thread and books on basically how to treat a woman like crap says all you need to know really.

I've been married for 8 years end of this month. Couldn't be happier. I have a mate of the same age and he had a really long relationship that ended badly. I know have known them both forever and they are as decent a people as you can imagine, but things just didn't work out. Now he will not even consider a relationship, much less marriage and I find that incredibly sad. What is the point of going out and shagging whoever you can, only to go home to an empty cold bed every time? No one to come home to and share in your excitement about getting that promotion or someone's shoulder to cry on because you had a kak day.

I was always the nice guy and struggled my ass off to find anyone who could appreciate that and not be frightened off by it. I agree with Syco, that woman are intimidated by nice guys. What is wrong with trying to be romantic? Some chicks are just scared shitless because they are so un-used to it and run away. Eventually though, and I know this is little consolation to you, they realise what they had and lost. Eventually though I found my lady. On the internet of all places, 5FM irc chat room!

I can understand the one night stand thing and I have no issue with it, but going about it the way this Mystery Method suggests is in my opinion just cowardly IMHO. It might work, I'm not arguing that, I just don't see how you can be so blatantly false. Like I said, one night stands are fine if you are both into it and know it is just that, a one night stand, but you can still be civil and courteous the next day.

I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but boinking everyone in sight just doesn't seem right. I'm not saying you may not have sex before marriage, I'm just saying use some restraint. And as for someone saying there isn't a perfect person out there, I dunno hey. I say there is no such thing as the perfect woman, but there is definitely the perfect woman out there for you. Yeah it's a cliche, but it is true. And sometimes she might not be a Jessica Alba lookalike. She might be a brunette instead of the redheads you always go for. She might be slightly heavier than you prefer. She might wear coke bottle bottomed glasses, thing is, you never know. Makes me think of that movie Shallow Hal.

Don't stop being the nice guy now, trust me, eventually you will find her and you won't be sorry.
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Thank you for the :)
Yeah I am not picky on their looks. I think their personality is very important.
 
Don't stop being the nice guy now, trust me, eventually you will find her and you won't be sorry.
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and with age comes wisdom and wise words indeed, just as you said 5FM irc chat, who wouldve expected? but thats exactly how its meant to be, ur not supposed to expect it. Thanks for the words Den, i'll def remember them....
 
Everything you need to to know about women:

You tell the pretty ones they're smart and you tell the smart ones they're pretty.
 
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