How to be a complete idiot on Facebook

MalicE

MalicE

Party time! Excellent!
1. Create a shared profile with your “hubby”
You know your marriage is rock solid when you have a joint Facebook account. And call him hubby. It's so cute!

2. Or even better, create an account for your newborn baby
And update it's status. Not freaky at all.

3. Announce your anniversary every few months
Who cares that anniversaries actually only happen once a year ie. Annually? Make sure that everyone knows how much love you each other by stating that you’ve been dating for three months.

4. Gym updates, bru!
Everyone loves reading a good status about how much you’re sweating at gym. Sommer add a photo of the number of calories you burnt on the treadmill too, because your friends need to know that you’re a #skinnybitch! Talking about hastags...

5. #Hastag #every #word
#seriously #every #single #word

6. Rant rant rant
People don’t have their own problems, so please share your story (and pic) of the over ripe avo you bought at Woolies today #firstworldproblems

7. Post images of your half-finished food or decorated cappuccino
Your friends really do want to see what you have for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Especially that green smoothie that you had just after your hectic gym session! Yum!

8. Copy, paste, copy, paste!
Copy and paste a lame, long, usually soppy status update that ends with “copy and paste this as your status update if you also love your mother/sister/dog." It works beautifully as it’s almost as annoying as chain letters.

9. Seek attention
Be sure to post attention-seeking updates, only to backtrack later. Here’s an example:

You: “Oh, my life feels like it’s over”
Concerned friend: “What’s wrong?”
You: “Oh, nothing.”

That will be sure to earn you a top spot in the popularity stakes.

10. Check in everywhere
Because we really do want to know that you’ve just arrived at “my bed.”

11. Obsessively tag all your and other people’s photos
Even when your friends/boyfriend/family look like total idiots. As long as you look hot. Remember to act surprised when someone isn’t happy about the pic.

12. Link all your social media sites
So that, in addition to all the awesome things you already give us on Facebook, we can also see what you’re doing on Twitter (fighting with other people on twitter), Instagram (selfies) and Pinterest (dream outfits)

13. Get engaged and tell the whole world
Post picture of your average ring, and after a few weeks create an album of your black and white beach themed engagement shoot. We can’t wait!

14. Like mah staaaaay–tus
Like your own status. Before everyone else does. It shows how awesome you are!

15. Sleepy selfies
Take a picture of yourself “sleeping” (with a mirror in the background showing you taking the picture), but pretend your “boyfriend/girlfriend” took it.

16. Do the Duckface
Post a status about how you can’t stand girls taking duckface photos, while forgetting that you’re actually pulling a duckface in your profile photo.

17. Say inappropriate things to people you don’t know that well
Remember that hot guy you met last night? Go through every single photo of him ever tagged or uploaded and tell him how “absolutely gorgeous” he is. He’ll so appreciate it.

18. Create albums containing photos of only you
And call it "me". Add blurry Blackberry photos of you in a million different poses.
 
I have two friends who are dating who are doing the whole share a profile its so silly. And every week they say I love you to each other using the same profile its sad :p
 
I know a couple who has dinner conversation on Facebook. They seriously have entire conversations on Facebook while they are together IRL
 
MalicE said:
1. Create a shared profile with your “hubby”
You know your marriage is rock solid when you have a joint Facebook account. And call him hubby. It's so cute!

2. Or even better, create an account for your newborn baby
And update it's status. Not freaky at all.

3. Announce your anniversary every few months
Who cares that anniversaries actually only happen once a year ie. Annually? Make sure that everyone knows how much love you each other by stating that you’ve been dating for three months.

4. Gym updates, bru!
Everyone loves reading a good status about how much you’re sweating at gym. Sommer add a photo of the number of calories you burnt on the treadmill too, because your friends need to know that you’re a #skinnybitch! Talking about hastags...

5. #Hastag #every #word
#seriously #every #single #word

6. Rant rant rant
People don’t have their own problems, so please share your story (and pic) of the over ripe avo you bought at Woolies today #firstworldproblems

7. Post images of your half-finished food or decorated cappuccino
Your friends really do want to see what you have for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Especially that green smoothie that you had just after your hectic gym session! Yum!

8. Copy, paste, copy, paste!
Copy and paste a lame, long, usually soppy status update that ends with “copy and paste this as your status update if you also love your mother/sister/dog." It works beautifully as it’s almost as annoying as chain letters.

9. Seek attention
Be sure to post attention-seeking updates, only to backtrack later. Here’s an example:

You: “Oh, my life feels like it’s over”
Concerned friend: “What’s wrong?”
You: “Oh, nothing.”

That will be sure to earn you a top spot in the popularity stakes.

10. Check in everywhere
Because we really do want to know that you’ve just arrived at “my bed.”

11. Obsessively tag all your and other people’s photos
Even when your friends/boyfriend/family look like total idiots. As long as you look hot. Remember to act surprised when someone isn’t happy about the pic.

12. Link all your social media sites
So that, in addition to all the awesome things you already give us on Facebook, we can also see what you’re doing on Twitter (fighting with other people on twitter), Instagram (selfies) and Pinterest (dream outfits)

13. Get engaged and tell the whole world
Post picture of your average ring, and after a few weeks create an album of your black and white beach themed engagement shoot. We can’t wait!

14. Like mah staaaaay–tus
Like your own status. Before everyone else does. It shows how awesome you are!

15. Sleepy selfies
Take a picture of yourself “sleeping” (with a mirror in the background showing you taking the picture), but pretend your “boyfriend/girlfriend” took it.

16. Do the Duckface
Post a status about how you can’t stand girls taking duckface photos, while forgetting that you’re actually pulling a duckface in your profile photo.

17. Say inappropriate things to people you don’t know that well
Remember that hot guy you met last night? Go through every single photo of him ever tagged or uploaded and tell him how “absolutely gorgeous” he is. He’ll so appreciate it.

18. Create albums containing photos of only you
And call it "me". Add blurry Blackberry photos of you in a million different poses.
Click to expand...

" 9. Seek attention
Be sure to post attention-seeking updates, only to backtrack later. Here’s an example:

You: “Oh, my life feels like it’s over”
Concerned friend: “What’s wrong?”
You: “Oh, nothing.”

That will be sure to earn you a top spot in the popularity stakes."

This is high on my list of people that are my friends. Sometimes I wanna comment but not What's wrong? more like google search > How to behave online.
 
Read through the above list while matching some of your own facebook friends with the behavior. If a friend scores more than 9, unfriend them immediately.
 
Shew, luckily I don't fall into any of those categories. Only thing I do on facebook is post music, a few funny pics, spam my friends' statuses and have a rant now and again about how kak our government is :P
 
Thank buddha I quit facebook. Cold turkey.

Felt like a caged animal on there, with everyone peering in and enjoying the show from a distance with not actually talking to me.
I'm free from the social cage. :)
 
Edelweiss said:
Thank buddha I quit facebook. Cold turkey.

Felt like a caged animal on there, with everyone peering in and enjoying the show from a distance with not actually talking to me.
I'm free from the social cage. :)
Click to expand...

There are still some benefits to facebook,some websites allow you to log in through facebook,so 1 click and typing my facebook deets means Im free to use the site to its full potential,but except for that yeah facebook is well.....facebook.
 
Senticall said:
There are still some benefits to facebook,some websites allow you to log in through facebook,so 1 click and typing my facebook deets means Im free to use the site to its full potential,but except for that yeah facebook is well.....facebook.
Click to expand...

It is indeed very useful, gaming, music news updates on the go, social event notifications in and around cape town, band gig notifications..
very useful indeed.
 
I mostly use facebook for marvel avangers alliance. and that's it i think the last time i did a status update was 4 years ago and i hardly ever post anything on FB.

But some of the things you see on fb are just so out there but there are a few perks too I'm subscribed to a few food channels and i have surprised my wife a few times :D

And ofc some sport pages and gaming pages.

And no i haven't posted what i made once! don't want someone telling me my effort looks like a Picasso or something
 
Piesank said:
What is hastag?
Click to expand...

EPIC CRINGE.
Hashtag.... it was originally called a Number Sign, then the internet raped it and turned it into what it is.

I should seriously consider doing a paper for English on "The use of the English language and the impact the internet has made on it".
 
Why does it feel like 99% of my FB page comprises of such as these:(. Perhaps there is a reason beyond apathy why I avoid FB
 
AlienTaker said:
no it's not afrikaans :p "#afrikaans" that's a hashtag without the ""
Click to expand...

Just saw this reply, so I'm a little late here, but ya, I was just trying a word play thing. Guess the smileys didn't do the proper job of conveying the tongue in cheek nature of my comment.
 
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