the JOKE thread

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind.

'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'

'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.'
'How about transportation? ' the father asked.

'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're
married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'

'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied. 'We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!'
 
a variation of an old joke

In a mental institution in Maritzburg, a nurse walks into a room and
sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.. The nurse asks him, "Raju,
what are you doing?" Raju replied, "Driving toDurban and all!"
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room..
The next day the nurse enters Raju's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car
and asks, "Well Raju, how are you doing?"
Raju says, "I've just arrived in Durban so thought I'd pulled in to
the Orientals and hit a bunny chow and come"
"Great," replied the nurse.

The nurse leaves Raju's room and goes across the hall into Balwanth's room and finds Balwanth sitting on his bed
furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Balwanth, what are you doing?!"
Balwanth says, "I'm screwing Raju's wife while he's in Durban. “
 
A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips. After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word. "I've got a few suggestions," he says. "Try folding your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. "Very good," says his senior. "Now try saying things like 'I see', 'I understand' and 'Yes, go on.'" The younger priest practises these sayings, too. "Well done," says the older priest. "Don't you think that's better than slapping your knee and saying: "No way! What happened next?"
 
Here's a lame joke I made up while watching CSI Miami...

What did the crippled 3:1 use?

Her Ratio Cane
 
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Chinese proverb:
Give a man a fish and he will be fed for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will be fed for the rest of his life.

Irish proverb:
Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
 
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"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher says.
Sipho gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: " Sipho, what do you want me to pray about for you."
Sipho replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Sipho's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Sipho's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Sipho.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Sipho, how is your hearing now?"
Sipho says, "I don't know, Reverend, it is only next Wednesday ..!"
 
Since it's been a slow week for jokes here's two I made up just now that my contain a tinge of bad taste.

If Caster has the operation to remove her undescended testes would we then call her Castrate Simenya?

When it was announced that Caster had male and female reproductive organs, why didn't The Voice go with the headline "Athletics Body Tells Caster She Can Go F*ck Herself".
 
A couple of oldies....

Nun in a taxi

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY

handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't
want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When
you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I
have, you get a chance to see and hear just about
everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."


"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss
me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about
that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be
Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm
single and Catholic!"


"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver
starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"


"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must
confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm
going to a Halloween party."
 
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