the JOKE thread
- Thread starter wizdumb
- Start date
HANDsolo
New member
Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says: '7
Feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner
Brown.'
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and
brings him to, shaking him.
The big guy says: 'What's wrong with you?'
In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says: 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
You the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.....I'm 7 feet
tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh
3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'
The small guy says: 'Turner Brown?!...Sweet Lord, I thought you said:
'Turn around.'
HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says: '7
Feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner
Brown.'
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and
brings him to, shaking him.
The big guy says: 'What's wrong with you?'
In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says: 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
You the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.....I'm 7 feet
tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh
3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'
The small guy says: 'Turner Brown?!...Sweet Lord, I thought you said:
'Turn around.'
Weasley
New member
Hot_Chocolate
New member
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
2 What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
2 What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
McGuywer
New member
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home...
...when an old Grandpa walked by.
One of the old Grandmas yelled to him, saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are!"
The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."
One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age."
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison,
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
...when an old Grandpa walked by.
One of the old Grandmas yelled to him, saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are!"
The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."
One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age."
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison,
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
Solitude
Mr. Nice Guy
A man is sentenced to jail for 20 years. While in jail he finds an ant. He tells himself that this is going to be the best trained ant that ever lived and teaches it to do many amazing tricks over the years.
After he gets out of jail he decides to head to the local bar. He places the ant down on the counter and calls the bartender over. He points to the ant as the bartender leans down to look.
The bartender frowns as he balls up his fist, slams it down on the ant and says, "Yeah, blasted things are everywhere."
After he gets out of jail he decides to head to the local bar. He places the ant down on the counter and calls the bartender over. He points to the ant as the bartender leans down to look.
The bartender frowns as he balls up his fist, slams it down on the ant and says, "Yeah, blasted things are everywhere."
Oculate
Isn't gonna give you up
roflmao! :d:d:d
fayainz
New member
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps..
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit,
They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
"Now.... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
"Now. Tell him ................................ you have a headache."
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps..
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit,
They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
"Now.... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
"Now. Tell him ................................ you have a headache."
