the JOKE thread
- Thread starter wizdumb
- Start date
sycogrim
MyGaming Comp Authoritah
Single vs. Engaged vs. MARRIED!!
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long
scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask.
When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled,
'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'"
________________________________________
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long
scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask.
When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled,
'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'"
________________________________________
Wenzdayz
Thread Killer Mk III
Bwhahahahahahaahahahahahahaahahahaha
/stops to catch breath
Bwahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha
bwhahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahaha
/stops to catch breath
bwahaha /stops again
i cant anymore im gonna suffocate!!
wizdumb
New member
hahahaha, syco that has too be the funniest joke of the day
*****
After a British Airways flight reached its cruising altitude, the
Captain announced:
'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293,
Non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto The weather ahead is good, so
We should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and
**** CRAP !'
Silence followed
Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking
To you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in
My lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
One Irish passenger yelled,
'For fook sake!, you should see the back of mine!
*****
After a British Airways flight reached its cruising altitude, the
Captain announced:
'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293,
Non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto The weather ahead is good, so
We should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and
**** CRAP !'
Silence followed
Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking
To you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in
My lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
One Irish passenger yelled,
'For fook sake!, you should see the back of mine!
Weasley
New member
lol i nearly choked on peac of cake
Hraffnir
New member
Not exactly jokes but, some lolcats ^_^
http://www.zoopy.com/album/13e/lolcats-1
http://www.zoopy.com/album/13e/lolcats-1
sycogrim
MyGaming Comp Authoritah
Here are some Twisted Fairy tales 
Pinocchio:
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Cinderella:
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.
"What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 12 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 12 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."
Mickey Mouse:
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
Snow White:
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face screaming, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Red Riding Hood:
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a.44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
Captain Hook:
**Oh, by the way, did you know Captain Hook died from jock itch?**
Pinocchio:
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Cinderella:
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.
"What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 12 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 12 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."
Mickey Mouse:
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
Snow White:
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face screaming, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Red Riding Hood:
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a.44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
Captain Hook:
**Oh, by the way, did you know Captain Hook died from jock itch?**
wizdumb
New member
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
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The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
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The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
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The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
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That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
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The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
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The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
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The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
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The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236, 284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219, 999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
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The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound.
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The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
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The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?
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The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
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Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.
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The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
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>...silver, topaz, and amethyst.
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Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door.
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The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight
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. . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
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The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
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>
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
>
>
>
>
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
>
>
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
>
>
>
>
>
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
>
>
>
>
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
>
The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
>
>
>
>
>
>
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236, 284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219, 999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
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>
>
>
>
The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound.
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>
>
>
>
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
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The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?
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The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
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Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.
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The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
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>...silver, topaz, and amethyst.
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Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door.
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The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight
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. . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
sycogrim
MyGaming Comp Authoritah
I'm so glad I don't have to moderate this BS
bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...... yeh u would die from laughter rofl.... excuse the pun
wizdumb
New member
Ag no man.... i was hoping for a nice answer.....
PS. dearest that is not a joke and this is the joke thread - that was mean!
much like beauty, humour is in the eye or is it mouth of the beholder
hahahahahahahahahahaha