In our columns section we ask various local gamers for their opinions on certain topics. These articles are meant to create lively debate, and the opinions expressed therein do not necessarily reflect MyGaming policy. Are you a decent writer with a cool idea for a column? Let us know in the comments section.
If you’re reading this guide, don’t be ashamed. You are not alone – millions of nerds the world over fiercely embrace their pillows at night, trying to will it into the shape of a partner – a hot partner who loves video games.
As they weep into the scratchy cotton, they imagine themselves “letting” their girlfriend beat them in Mortal Kombat, fighting over the Xbox controller and giggling, spending long hours LANing side by side, occasionally mouthing “I love you” over their headsets after getting their 100th team frag (no deaths yet). Throughout all of this, the girl is inexplicably in her underwear.
I want you to take a close look at the two pictures below, and tell me what they have in common.
If your answer was a) “they’re both awesome” or b) “I have both”, you’re wrong, and in the case of b), also weird. This test also functions as a kind of Rorschach inkblot test, so if you looked at the first picture and saw you and your gamer girlfriend frolicking in the waves, I’m legally required to advise you to seek professional help.
Moving on, the correct answer was in fact c) “neither of them exists”. If you chose this option, congratulations, you’re one step closer to attaining the girl of your (more realistic) dreams. The girl in the second photo is a model who had a controller placed in her hands (she first tried putting it in her mouth). She is not interested in games, and she certainly isn’t interested in you. If such a girl did exist, she would have been carried on the back of a midget and thrown into a volcano by now. This brings us haltingly to our first tip.
1. Don’t try bat above your average
Your previous girlfriends (if applicable) weren’t supermodels, so why should your gamer girlfriend be any different? Hoping to land gamer Giselle because you “own” at Modern Warfare is a bit like when you tried to play A-team soccer at school because you “ruled” at FIFA 2004. It’s going to be about as successful as that was back then.
Finding a girl who’s mildly interested in games that aren’t Wii Tennis is hard enough, trying to find one who can speedrun Demon’s Souls is even harder, and finding one who can do all that and is 10x more attractive than you is near (read: actually) impossible. Be reasonable and you’re a lot more likely to find what you’re looking for. After all, you look nothing like the dude on the cover of Men’s Health, no matter what your mom says.
2. Don’t overdo it
In life, there are certain people you don’t want to become. You don’t want to be the guy in the videogames section of the CNA, hovering around girls like a creep trying to determine if the games are for them or a boyfriend/nephew/cousin.
Many a nerd has happened upon a girl paying for Legend of Zelda at the checkout counter, and in moments of crazed excitement, blurted out gems like, “I sometimes dress like Link on Saturdays.” You know who you are – and you’re doing it wrong.
You should approach a gamer girl like you would any other – wait, wait no that’s awful advice. What I’m trying to say is a gamer girl is like any other girl. Just be (read: fake being) confident, be yourself, and don’t get too hung up on the fact that she plays games. Gamer girls amongst male gamers are like spooked antelope near a pride of lions, they know as soon as you get their scent you’ll quickly go from disinterested to psychotic – so try not to scare them off.
Pictured above: Doing it wrong.
3. Convert a daywalker
Perhaps you’re halfway through this article and thinking of trading your current girlfriend in for a newer, more gamer-ish model. Put your cage back in the garage, because you may not have to.
Most girlfriends care about what you care about. They want to know what you’re interested in, and often they’ll want to share that with you – even gaming. Alright, alright settle down – have you already forgotten rule number 2?
You have to remember that most girls have either a) never played something that wasn’t The Sims/Farmville, or b) have already acknowledged gaming to be something they’ll never understand or be interested in.
What this means is that it’s critical that you take it slow. Any girlfriend that has a headset pushed into her hands and is left to pilot your Level 80 WoW character in a 10-man raid while getting called a “stupid n00b” by you and various other nerds she doesn’t even know, is probably not going to be eager to try it again. Start with something fun you can play together – think Wii Tennis, not GTA IV. Turns out girls don’t like bludgeoning prostitutes with sports equipment as much as you do, who’da thunk it?
Unbelievably, your girlfriend doesn’t find this cover as appealing as you do.
4. Are you sure?
Before you go out on your quest to find a gamer girlfriend, make sure it’s what you really want. In your mind it’s a Mortal Kombat duel to decide who does the dishes, but real life is not what’s in your mind (something we should all be thankful for).
This is something I’ve discussed before, and I’ll stand by it now – a gamer girlfriend could be the worst thing you ever do. Gaming, especially competitive gaming, runs emotions extremely high, and while its fine to blame your friends for losing a team game, or shout at them in the heat of the moment, a girlfriend will not forgive and forget quite so easily. Emotions are a lot more delicate in romantic relationships, and a stolen item or a heated team match may result in you sleeping on the couch.
Shooting your friend in the face twenty times in a row and laughing at him may be fun, but it’s not fun when it’s your girlfriend. She’ll get upset and you’ll feel like a jerk. Letting her win probably won’t be much fun either, nor will it be fun if she legitimately kicks your ass.
Just remember it’s our differences that attract us to one another – showing a girl who cares about you the things you’re passionate about is fun and awesome; having to compete with your girlfriend over those things might not be.
Whoever you end up with, all that matters is that you’re happy. If you’re already there, stop worrying about the things she doesn’t do, and be grateful for all the things she does. Sometimes the things you want most are the things you don’t want at all.
Want to tell us about your awesome relationship? Do you actually own a unicorn, but just don’t want the government to take it from you? Let us know in the forums, or comment below!
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