Now, I’m generally okay with downloadable content. I’ve bought plenty of the stuff myself, and I like the idea in theory. I’m from the old skool of gaming, where we’d sit around five or six years waiting on expansions that were almost invariably not much worth the waiting. And while we’re probably looking at DLC with the same sense of somewhat bemused disappointment, at least we’ve not waited five or six years on it, right? Right. Besides, the Borderlands DLC was totally awesome.
Enter Mass Effect 2’s Cerberus Network DLC.
“The Cerberus Network augments and extends the rich universe of Mass Effect 2,” enthuses BioWare co-founder Dr. Ray Muzyka, giddy with the transcendental daring of it all. “We’re thrilled to be able to reward loyal BioWare and Mass Effect fans with ongoing, high quality content.”
So what’s this Cerberus Network DLC, gasp tens of thousands of breathless Mass Effect 2 fans-to-be, their Captain Shepard / Wrex slashfic instantly forgotten in this moment of grand revelation. The Cerberus Network DLC is – wait for it! – an in-game DLC portal. That’s right, kids – Mass Effect 2’s DLC delivery pipeline is DLC.
There’s a catch, of course. All new copies of the game ship with a once-off redeemable code for the Cerberus Network DLC, so it’s not the evil enterprise you thought it was. Actually, it’s almost more insidious. This particular scheme is aimed at extorting the secondhand buyer (the great and terrible nemesis of all game developers and publishers), and it’s a particularly devious one. Although it’s probably (maybe, possibly not) safe to assume that the Xbox Game Marketplace browser would turn up any Mass Effect 2 DLC, there’s no equivalent central service on PC.
BioWare has confirmed that secondhand buyers will have to hand over an as-yet undetermined heap of actual real cash for the DLC delivery DLC, and it’s entirely possible that not doing so means no access to additional DLC. Big loss on a few bits of rubbish armour that should’ve been in the game anyway, perhaps, but it’s a terrifying business model regardless and no less for its future implications. What next – paying up for your save game slots because you’ve had the lewd impertinence to buy secondhand?
Still, I can’t decide which is worse here. Downloadable content, downloadable content, or BioWare’s spinning this shameless corporate profiteering grift as some sort of Super! Value! Added! Bonus! for “loyal” fans. Would anyone like a punch in the face to go with that?
Oh yeah, and if this Cerberus Network DLC DLC turns out to be something like a 20kb download because actually it’s already on the disc and you’re just redeeming a code to unlock it, I called it first.
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